Talk:Two Black Cadillacs/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: WonderBoy1998 (talk · contribs) 10:41, 22 June 2014 (UTC)

Hi, I'll be reviewing this entry. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 10:41, 22 June 2014 (UTC)

Writing and composition

• "After Underwood's Play On Tour wrapped in December 2010" - try using a more formal and definitive word that "wrapped," for example "ended," "closed" or "culminated"
• " she started to work on her fourth studio album, then untitled" - Consider changing to " she started to work on her then-untitled fourth studio album"
• The CBS Local source says " “Two Black Cadillacs” tells the story of two women who, when they realize they are both dating the same guy, set aside their differences and decide to take care of things together." In the article "two women who, when they realize they are both dating the same guy, set aside their differences " is directly copied from this. Paraphrase this or put them in quotations. (I recommend the former)
• "ogether, the trio wrote "Two Black Cadillacs", which tells the story of two women who, when they realize they are both dating the same guy, set aside their differences and decide to kill him.[6] Underwood said that "it was so much fun to write and just be in that room" with Lindsey and Kear, as they "didn't really know what to expect or where we were headed or what we would end up with." - These two sentences use the same source (6). Hence move reference 6 to the end and remove any previous occurrences.
• None of the blockquote text appears in the source (6). Kindly provide the correct actual source. I think it is this one (http://tasteofcountry.com/carrie-underwood-two-black-cadillacs-lyrics/)
• " Dukes also described the song as a "mini-movie", with "a strong chorus [that] keeps the story from wearing thin after repeated listens" - The "strong chorus that..." part sounds more like a review. Hence move it to the more appropriate section.
• I am not sure about using "infuse." It tends to go more with abstract nouns etc. I suggest changing to "includes" or something similar.

Cleaned up. DepressedPer (talk) 23:27, 22 June 2014 (UTC)

Reception

• Is Country Universe a recognised source? it seems to be a blog
• Using the Billboard chart history as sources does not confirm the debuts, only the peaks.
• Smith, Grady (April 7, 2013). "ACM Awards 2013: Winners List". Entertainment Weekly. Time Warner. Retrieved April 19, 2014. - THis source does not prove the fact that this song was nominated for Female single of the year. In fact there doesn't even seem to be any such category.
• Shelburne, Craig (June 5, 2013). "Carrie Underwood Wins Video of the Year at 2013 CMT Music Awards". CMT. Viacom. Retrieved April 19, 2014. - This ref does not source the fact that this song was nominated for female video of the year

"Springsteen" uses the Country Universe source for both its composition and reception sections. Its a recognized source. DepressedPer (talk) 11:59, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

The latter three sources have been dealt with. DepressedPer (talk) 17:54, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

Music video

• All sonymusicnashville.com sources are dead. See this
• "Underwood driving her black Cadillac through the countryside, in no hurry to arrive at her destination. Elsewhere, a funeral is occurring with two widows in matching black veils and void of emotion standing by a coffin. Scenes of Underwood's car in a dark alleyway, the cheating husband in its headlights, cut in throughout the video before the car finally mows the man down – and then repairs itself" - Directly copied from source with no effort to make any changes. Moreover you have not even included a citation in the end. Very alarming instance of close paraphrasing
• ""the story was just so juicy. It's such a visual song, you can see it all playing out in your head when you're listening."- The source does not mention this quote.

Done. DepressedPer (talk) 11:31, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

The director and shooting location now need sources for verification. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 16:03, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

Sources added. DepressedPer (talk) 17:01, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

Live perf

• "representing the ending of the Blown Away era"- The source doesn't mention that this was the motive of the performance. Moreover it sounds like fancruft. Either remove it or source it.
• "onto which various images were projected, ranging from roses to butterflies to fireworks" - again directly copied from the source. I fail to understand why this wasn't put in quotes when screen was. In fact you could have gone without putting screen in quotes and instead quoted the other part.
• "Harrington, Jim (February 26, 2013). "Review: Carrie Underwood underachieves in Oakland". San Jose Mercury News. MediaNews Group. Retrieved April 19, 2014." - Doesn't source Two Black Cadillacs as being a part of the setlist of the tour.
• The Grammy dress seems to have a lot of information to its development. Its absence wouldn't affect the outcome of its review but I suggest including it nonetheless.

Took care of it. DepressedPer (talk) 11:25, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

Passed On hold. This article seems very well made and structured on the surface but has revealed various problems on close inspection, specifically displaying various instances of close paraphrasing and wrong sourcing. The prose, however, is well done. Kindly fix these issues in one week. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 12:41, 26 June 2014 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.