Talk:USS Kearsarge (BB-5)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 06:46, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 06:46, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

• Preliminary comment: Everything in the infobox needs to be either cited or, preferably, described with citations. See SMS Monarch for one possible model for this.

 Done Inkbug (talk) 10:53, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

• Ships are generally referred to as she, not it.

 Done Inkbug (talk) 11:00, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

Using "she" all the time is monotonous; I use a mixture of the ship's name, "the ship" and "she" in my articles to keep the reader from falling asleep.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 17:56, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

I hope it is better now. Inkbug (talk) 18:22, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

• Use of a gallery is generally discouraged, try to integrate some of those pictures into the body of the article.

 Done Inkbug (talk) 11:24, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

• Strongly recommend that you consult: Reilly, John C.; Scheina, Robert L. (1980). American Battleships 1896–1923: Predreadnought Design and Construction. Annapolis, MD: Naval Institute Press. ISBN 0-87021-524-8. More once you've had a chance to work on these issues.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 00:13, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for all of the comments. I don't have the book, and I don't have access to a library with it. All I can see is small previews from Google Books, but I'll try to see what I can find. Thanks! Inkbug (talk) 11:24, 28 January 2013 (UTC)

You're in luck, I have a copy. Email me and I'll send scans of the relevant pages.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 17:56, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

I sent you an email. Inkbug (talk) 18:22, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

I received the email – thanks so much! I'll try to incorporate as much as I can from it, although specific pointers will be helpful. Thanks again, Inkbug (talk) 20:26, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

Glad you got it; have no fear that I won't offer as many pointers as you need. Just remember that my Monarch article, or any FA-class ship articles are very handy to borrow text from if you do a close reading of them. Copy, paste and adjust as needed is a philosophy that I've followed my whole time on Wiki.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 21:56, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

I've gone through Reilly & Scheina. It will be more useful when I work on the Kearsarge-class article, but I've incorporated what I can into this article. Anything else that I should add or fix? Inkbug (talk) 11:40, 5 February 2013 (UTC)

• This is awkward; you need to make the reader understand that the upper secondary turret was mounted on the roof of the lower one: double turrets, with two 13-inch (330 mm) guns and two 8-inch (203 mm) guns each, stacked in two levels A picture would help a lot if there's a good close up available.

   Done I've cropped an image and added it. What do you think? Inkbug (talk) 11:32, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

• "Her" sister She was christened on 24 March 1898, on the same day as its sister, the Kentucky Also, link [[sister ship|sister]]

   Done Inkbug (talk) 06:56, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

• You only need to convert a measurement on first appearance. Well, once in the infobox and again in the main body.

  What do you mean? Can you give an example? Inkbug (talk) 06:56, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

  You converted 13 inches twice in the main body. You only need to convert it on first appearance in the main body.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 07:32, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

  Thanks.  Done Inkbug (talk) 10:35, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

• If you're quoting text from DANFS, you need to put it in quotes as well as cite it. Paraphrasing only needs a cite. I haven't checked myself, but make sure that you attribute the text appropriately or rewrite it yourself.

   Working Inkbug (talk) 06:56, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

   Done It should be better now. Inkbug (talk) 17:34, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

• Link crane

  I linked it in the lead - is that what you meant? Inkbug (talk) 06:56, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

  Quite right, I'd missed that.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 07:32, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

• What was done during her modernization?

   Done Inkbug (talk) 12:23, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

• This is awkward: which gave her more stability. Maybe something like "improved her stability"?

   Done Inkbug (talk) 06:56, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

• Be sure to use title case for all the titles of your references as well as publisher locations.

   Done except The Illustrated Encyclopedia of 20th Century Weapons and Warfare, Vol. 15. I couldn't find the location or ISBN for that one, so I've asked for help at WP:RX. Inkbug (talk) 11:16, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

  WP:RX had the answer. All of the sources should be good now. Inkbug (talk) 12:31, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

• The hazegray mirror of DANFS should be replaced by the actual link to the Navy's online edition.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:18, 9 February 2013 (UTC)

   Done Inkbug (talk) 06:56, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

I think I have addressed all of the issues raised. Inkbug (talk) 17:34, 10 February 2013 (UTC)