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Talk:Under a Blood Red Moon/GA1

< Talk:Under a Blood Red Moon
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Alexandra IDV in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 3 years ago15 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: Jeromi Mikhael (talk · contribs) 02:44, 25 June 2021 (UTC)Reply

I will review this article. I've done some minor copyedits on this article. I'll list the changes that I do later.

References

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  • Please separate secondary and primary sources. A good example of this is Pewdiepie
    • I can't find this among the GA criteria - or indeed in the manual of style - and I don't think it would be particularly useful here given that there only is a single primary source cited.--AlexandraIDV 14:38, 25 June 2021 (UTC)Reply

Prose

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Lead

Overview

  • It is set in and around Chicago in 1993 - 1) the source cited for this prose says that 1993 is the publication date of the book instead. The only mention about time is written in the prelude section: This prelude describes the prophetic dream, in 1925, of a Garou inspired by the spirit of the Unicorn, who will have the intuition of an apocalypse that risks destroying the city of Chicago in the future. Is there any proof that the module is set in 1993? 2) I understood that the story is mostly set in Chicago, but how can you conclude the "around" part? I can't find any mention of around (after gtranslating it). I recommend putting names of places mentioned in the story instead of using prepositions.
    • I believe you are looking at the wrong source - I am citing two issues of Casus Belli for this portion, not Guide du Rôliste Galactique, and CB does sau that it is set in Chicago and the surrounding area - not any specific places (if you look at the cover art, you can see that there's a werewolf depicted outside the city, in some forested area). I had misread the year though, and will remove it.--AlexandraIDV 14:38, 25 June 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • It is set in and around Chicago in 1993, and has players take the roles of either vampires or werewolves in a conflict between the local vampire and werewolf communities. - I suggest splitting this sentence into two : "The game module is set [...] Chicago in 1993. Players has to take the roles of either vampires or werewolves in a conflict between the local vampire and werewolf communities. "And has" is quite of hard-to-grasp in here
  • in a conflict between the local vampire and werewolf communities - this sentence mentions that the conflict is between the vampire and werewolf, but the next sentence mentions that the vampires themselves is also embroiled in a conflict. Am I missing something here?
  • The book also contains information for how to play the scenario as human vampire hunters or as the mummies of the book Mummy. - mention that this how-to is not part of the normal gameplay but as a suggestion (according to the source you cited)
  • For werewolves, the story begins with a meeting about vampire activity in Chicago; for Camarilla vampires, it begins with a werewolf attack on the Succubus Club, a vampire club in Chicago, after which Lodin, the local Camarilla prince, calls for a blood hunt on werewolves; for Sabbat vampires, it begins with their sect sending an envoy to collaborate with the Black Spiral Dancers, a fallen werewolf faction. - Resentence this, or add an opening explanatory sentence before this: "The story begins differently with each character." A paragraph is not supposed to begin with "for".

Production

  • Like with other Werewolf: The Apocalypse books, 3% of profits from sales of the book were donated toward environmental protection. - Like is a preposition here and couldn't be used with a "with". Suggest changing to "Similar to".
  • It was reprinted in unaltered form from its original release together with the second edition of the Vampire: The Masquerade setting book Chicago by Night in July–September 1996 as part of the second volume of the Chicago Chronicles line of compilations. - "from its original release" is redundant, since the first sentence already mentioned this. --Regards, Jeromi Mikhael 05:39, 27 June 2021 (UTC)Reply

Reception

  • The role-playing opportunities were well received, with Saga appreciating the option to play as both vampire and werewolf characters, and Magia i Miecz enjoying getting to take the roles of werewolves and battle against vampires. 1) Sentence is very long, suggest to split into two: The role-playing opportunities were well received by various reviews. The magazine Saga appreciated the option to play as both vampire and werewolf characters, while Krzaku from Magia i Miecz enjoyed getting to take the roles of werewolves and battle against vampires.}} 2) Are the bolded characters supposed to use the -ing form?
    • I tend not to write the name of individual reviewers in the prose itself, unless the reviewers are notable in their own right - they are writing for the publication, after all. Aside from that, I have edited this to give the reader "breathing room" during the sentence, with an added colon.--AlexandraIDV 14:38, 25 June 2021 (UTC)Reply
  • Appelcline did find one major problem with the adventure's gameplay, however, in that Vampire: The Masquerade and Werewolf: The Apocalypse work differently on a mechanical level, with rules for vampires and werewolves that do not go perfectly well together; he noted that this continued to be a problem with World of Darkness books featuring mechanical cross-overs, and found that only thematic cross-overs in the series worked truly well. - This sentence is too long and has become too complex to read. Consider splitting it or reorganizing it.
  • French gaming magazine Casus Belli recommended it, and wished that it would have gotten a French translation. ; Magia i Miecz liked the book's scenario and its dark tone,[10] and considered it a good introduction to the World of Darkness series and its setting. Is the comma necessary here? AFAIK the comma is not needed when you are only listing two qualities.
  • I am using commas in these two instances to give the reader a comfortable "stopping point" in a longer sentence - you are right that if the two parts were shorter I would not use the comma, but I believe this is fine in cases like this.

Image

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  • Is there any reason as to why the image is located on the left side of the page? WP:THUMB says By default a thumbnail is floated to the right of the page.
  • I believe this is a holdover from when I was drafting the article - I agree with you, and have moved it to the right.

General discussions

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General criteria

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GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, spelling, and grammar):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):   d (copyvio and plagiarism):  
    All of the proses in the article are factually verified and cited; some of the sources are offline so I have to AGF; no original research
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
    Article is in scope and focused
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
    Article is neutral; points out acclaims as well as criticisms
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
    Article has never experienced any edit war as the only major contributor to this article is a single author
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
    Article is illustrated by the relevant image: a fair use cover image and a free image showing the author of the
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  
    @Alexandra IDV: Thank you for answering my inquiries and notes above in a timely manner; issues relating to this article has been resolved and therefore I promote this article into a Good Article.
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