Talk:Uprising of Ivaylo/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 23:20, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 23:20, 11 September 2015 (UTC)

• No DABs, external links OK
• Mongol menace over north-eastern Bulgaria. "in" rather than "over", I think.

Done.

• In the first months of the rebellion he defeated comma after rebellion.

Done.

• Images appropriately licensed.
• married the widow of the late emperor Maria "married Maria, the widow of the late emperor," would read better.

Done.

• the Hungarian dignitary of Rus' princely origin Rostislav Mikhailovich what does this mean?

He was a Rus's prince, who eventually fled to the Kingdom of Hungary and remained there as a member of the Hungarian nobility.

Then say that. I think that one problem is that you're using some word which aren't commonly used in the way that you use them. Like dignitary instead of noble. Or feudals rather than feudal lords.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:37, 22 September 2015 (UTC)

Done. --Gligan (talk) 14:10, 22 September 2015 (UTC)

• and remained paralysed from the waist down for life rephrase as " and was paralyzed from the waist down"

Done.

• resulted in a raising number of personally dependent peasants what does this mean?

What is meant is that the peasants was becoming personally dependent on the local feudal lords - for example not able to resettle without the lord's permission, the state was not able to tightly control the taxes the local lords enforced, and so on - while before that the Bulgarian peasantry generally enjoyed more personal privileges and as a rule was submitted to the state authorities, rather than to the local magnates.

This is part of the transition from a free peasantry to an enserfed peasantry, bound to the land and the noble who owned it. I suggest that you use the terms free peasant and serf to describe the situation, as people are far more familiar with them than your circumlocutions.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:37, 22 September 2015 (UTC)

I used the term "serfs", although the reason to avoid it is that the majority of the personally dependent peasants in medieval Bulgaria, called paritsi, had more privileges that the typical serfs. Anyway, you are correct to point out that my wording is difficult to understand, so until I make an article on the paritsi, or the medieval Bulgarian peasantry in general, it would be better to use the term serfs. --Gligan (talk) 14:10, 22 September 2015 (UTC)

• Life conditions among the peasantry worsened in the second half of the 13th century as they were losing personal privileges in favour of the secular and religious feudals. Reword this to make it clearer.

Done (I hope).

• Capitalize empress when it's attached to a name like "Empress Maria"

I still haven't done this. I want to be sure whether I understand correctly - emperor and empress should be capitalised if they are attached to a name, right? --Gligan (talk) 12:49, 22 September 2015 (UTC)

Yes, "Empress Maria" and "Emperor of Bulgaria" are proper nouns and capitalized, but "empress" is generic because nothing is associated with it, so not capitalized.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:37, 22 September 2015 (UTC)

Done for the whole article. --Gligan (talk) 14:10, 22 September 2015 (UTC)

Down to Campaigns against the Byzantines and Mongols, more later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 02:03, 12 September 2015 (UTC)

I've tweaked your language a bit, see how well it works for you.

Thank you very much for these improvements. --Gligan (talk) 13:16, 26 September 2015 (UTC)

• He and his wife Irene secretly fled Tarnovo taking the Byzantine imperial insignia, kept in the treasury since the Bulgarian victory in the battle of Tryavna in 1190 This is awkward.

I have explained this in a note. --Gligan (talk) 13:16, 26 September 2015 (UTC)

• It's not really clear why his followers deserted him. He'd just beaten two Byzantine armies and forced the current emperor to flee, so getting Terter elected doesn't seem like a big deal to me.

The rebellion was entering its third year and many of his followers became disillusioned of the constant warfare without a prospect for peace. The nobility denied access to Tarnovo, and despite the victories the Mongol threat was not dealt with and the prospects to do so without securing full control over the country were dim. --Gligan (talk) 13:16, 26 September 2015 (UTC)

OK, so explain it a bit more thoroughly like you just did.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 18:20, 26 September 2015 (UTC)

Done. --Gligan (talk) 10:31, 27 September 2015 (UTC)

• the feudal iniquity what does this mean? The feudal system?--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:59, 24 September 2015 (UTC)

Yes, of the feudal system. I have corrected it in the text. --Gligan (talk) 13:16, 26 September 2015 (UTC)