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Talk:Venezuela at the 1948 Summer Olympics/GA1

< Talk:Venezuela at the 1948 Summer Olympics
Latest comment: 4 years ago by Kingsif in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 4 years ago8 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:45, 23 November 2019 (UTC)Reply

Going to take a look at this article. MWright96 (talk) 13:45, 23 November 2019 (UTC)Reply

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose):   b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):  
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section):   b (citations to reliable sources):   c (OR):  
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects):   b (focused):  
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:  
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:  
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):   b (appropriate use with suitable captions):  
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:  

General

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  • All mentions of the word games should start with a capital letter

Infobox

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  • Add a link to Julio César León in the infobox

Lead

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  • Prephaps expand what León's diffculities were before he competed in the Olympics and the results he attained during the Games

Background

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  • "Venezuela was one of the fourteen nations that made their first official appearance at the Summer Olympics at the 1948 Summer Olympics." - try not to repeat the wording of Summer Olympics for a second time

Leon's journey

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  • "León's brother knew Sir Raymond Smith," - don't use titles such as Sir in these instances
  • "an attaché to the embassy, and as such got León" - better As such; also it would be better for this to begin a new sentence
  • "serving as a British Caribbean mail plane from Maiquetia Airport only two days later" - I recommend the word only be removed because it sounds somewhat editoralising
  • "took four hours; the flight from Bermuda to London took 36 hours" - maybe replaced the word in bold to lasted to avoid close reptition of the word "took"
  • "The group was accompanied by three journalists, but no members of the VOC." - don't use the word "but" per WP:EDITORIAL
  • "a call to Julio Bustamante, the president of the VOC at the time" - the words "at the time" should be deleted per MOS:REALTIME

Opening ceremony

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  • "León tells the anecdote that nobody had thought to bring a Venezuelan flag, as they were unaware of Olympic customs and did not know there would be the pavilion, but an Argentine competitor that León knew from the South American circuit mentioned it to him." the third portion of this text should be a new sentence to avoid a run-on sentence.

Competitors

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  • "There was one competitor for Venezuela at the 1948 Olympics, 23-year-old Julio César León. León competed in two events" - try not to start a sentence after the end of another like this
  • "With resistance from the Venezuelan Olympic Committee" - should be VOC since the acronyms are used five times beforehand

Cycling

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  • The sub-headers should not be wikilinked and be placed in the prose instead

Track

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  • "the winners would qualify, while the losers" - more formal: losing competitors

Sprint

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  • "in the first round, but then" - change the word "but" to before per MOS:EDITORIAL
  • "León lost his sprint race in the first round, but then continued to round 2 by beating" - better: continued to the second round by finishing ahead of
  • "he lost again and so was eliminated" - thus
  • "however, his time and the fact that he lost to the man who would eventually take gold" - an improvement his time and loss to the eventual gold medal winner
  • "He was ranked joint 9th," - ninth per MOS:NUMERICAL

Time trial

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  • "However, he says the London climate negatively affected him and so he underperformed" - He said the climate of London negatively affected him and caused him to underperform
  • "placing 14th of 21" - mention that there were 21 athletes and not have a number without any explanation

References

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  • Reference 1 should have the date it was published and the author who wrote the article included
  • The title and publisher for reference 3 should not be written in entirely capital letters
  • Also the same sources page numbers for the information reference is incorrect and should be corrected
  • The title for reference 5 needs to be corrected because it contains odd characters that are not meant to be there

That is all of the nitpicks that were found in the review. On hold for the time being. MWright96 (talk) 14:39, 23 November 2019 (UTC)Reply

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