Talk:Video Games (Lana Del Rey song)/GA2

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 23:12, 6 January 2013 (UTC)

General

• Two possible dead links

Info box

• Add the time template for the duration of the song, like on "S&M" for example.

Lead

• "debut single of" → "debut single release by"
• You need to say which album and the year in brackets this song is from at the end of the first sentence.
• The genres don't match the ones in the info box. This sentence needs re-wording, but you need to clarify the genres first.
• "author of "Blue Jeans" and "Born to Die"" → Whose songs? What album? Need a full stop (.) too.
• "It was first released to the Internet on June 29, 2011, was later released on her extended play, Lana Del Rey, and re-released as the lead single from her sophomore studio album, Born to Die on October 10, 2011, through Interscope Records." → This is long winded. Talk about the internet and EP in one sentence, then use a semi-colon (;) to talk about the re-release on the album.
• "It was also released on the compilation album Now That's What I Call Music! 80." → Remove
• "It received mostly positive reviews from critics, who lauded the uniqueness of her vocal performance." → "The song garnered positive reviews from music critics, many of whom praised the uniqueness of Del Rey's vocal performance.
• ""Video Games" attained commercial success, reaching" → "Video Games" was a commercial success, peaking at"

"number one in Germany and top-ten positions in Austria, Belgium, Czech Republic, the Netherlands, France, Ireland, Poland, Scotland, Switzerland, and the United Kingdom." → 1) Unlink number one 2) You don't need to list 10 countries here, list about 3 or 4, then say "among others" at the end.

• "The song was promoted with an accompanying music video that" → "The song's accompanying music video"
• Certified platinum → Unlink
• "in over nine countries" → You might as well say how many countries specifically.
• "prominent" → Remove
• "marked Del Rey's debut on" → Remove, lots of debut singles chart.
• "the Billboard Hot 100" → "the US Billboard Hot 100 chart, peaking"
• ", the song returned to their Top Heatseekers chart at 11." → Did it previously chart then? If yes, say "attained a new peak on"

Background

• "Del Rey was born in New York City in 1986 and was raised in Lake Placid. At age fifteen, she was sent to boarding school in Connecticut, before moving to New York City at eighteen to study metaphysics at Fordham University." → Sources?
• "While attending the university, according to Del Rey" → Awful wording. "Del Ray explained that while at University"
• "She then began performing in clubs in New York City, using various stage names such as Sparkle Rope Jump Queen and Lizzy Grant and the Phenomena. According to Del Rey: "I was always singing, but didn't plan on pursuing it seriously. When I got to New York City when I was 18, I started playing in clubs in Brooklyn – I have good friends and devoted fans on the underground scene, but we were playing for each other at that point – and that was it". At 20 years old, Del Rey signed a $10,000 recording contract and moved to a trailer park outside of New York City. The album that she recorded was later shelved, "causing her to shift her focus"." → Aside from prose issues, where are the sources?
• No need for a 1 one third paragraph. Put it at the end of the second paragraph.

Music and lyrics

• Baroque pop is in the info box, but nowhere in the article. Unsourced.
• Same for indie pop. Unsourced.
• Same for chamber pop. Unsourced.
• Same for Trip hop. Unsourced.
• "According to the sheet music published by EMI Music Publishing at Musicnotes.com" → Remove, this shouldn't be included.
• Again, why is there a one line paragraph? Put it at the end of the second paragraph.

Status

• There are so many issues with article in the first three sections alone, and I can see many more in subsequent ones. Prose is the main issue. Lots of instances of un-sourced content. All of the genres are completely un-sourced. Looking head, the Commercial performance section is tiny, considering it reached the top ten in 10 countries and was certified platinum, according to what you say in the lead. Unformatted/incorrect references too. Sorry but I am failing this article. It needs to be throughly re-written, I suggest a Peer Review, something that GAN is not. AARON• ^TALK 14:51, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

• Add the time template for the duration of the song, like on "S&M" for example.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "debut single of" → "debut single release by"

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• You need to say which album and the year in brackets this song is from at the end of the first sentence.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• The genres don't match the ones in the info box. This sentence needs re-wording, but you need to clarify the genres first.
• "author of "Blue Jeans" and "Born to Die"" → Whose songs? What album? Need a full stop (.) too.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "It was first released to the Internet on June 29, 2011, was later released on her extended play, Lana Del Rey, and re-released as the lead single from her sophomore studio album, Born to Die on October 10, 2011, through Interscope Records." → This is long winded. Talk about the internet and EP in one sentence, then use a semi-colon (;) to talk about the re-release on the album.
• "It was also released on the compilation album Now That's What I Call Music! 80." → Remove

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "It received mostly positive reviews from critics, who lauded the uniqueness of her vocal performance." → "The song garnered positive reviews from music critics, many of whom praised the uniqueness of Del Rey's vocal performance.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• ""Video Games" attained commercial success, reaching" → "Video Games" was a commercial success, peaking at"

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "number one in Germany and top-ten positions in Austria, Belgium, Czech Republic, the Netherlands, France, Ireland, Poland, Scotland, Switzerland, and the United Kingdom." → 1) Unlink number one 2) You don't need to list 10 countries here, list about 3 or 4, then say "among others" at the end.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "The song was promoted with an accompanying music video that" → "The song's accompanying music video"

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• Certified platinum → Unlink

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "in over nine countries" → You might as well say how many countries specifically.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "prominent" → Remove

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "marked Del Rey's debut on" → Remove, lots of debut singles chart.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "the Billboard Hot 100" → "the US Billboard Hot 100 chart, peaking"

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• ", the song returned to their Top Heatseekers chart at 11." → Did it previously chart then? If yes, say "attained a new peak on"
• "Del Rey was born in New York City in 1986 and was raised in Lake Placid. At age fifteen, she was sent to boarding school in Connecticut, before moving to New York City at eighteen to study metaphysics at Fordham University." → Sources?

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "While attending the university, according to Del Rey" → Awful wording. "Del Ray explained that while at University"

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "She then began performing in clubs in New York City, using various stage names such as Sparkle Rope Jump Queen and Lizzy Grant and the Phenomena. According to Del Rey: "I was always singing, but didn't plan on pursuing it seriously. When I got to New York City when I was 18, I started playing in clubs in Brooklyn – I have good friends and devoted fans on the underground scene, but we were playing for each other at that point – and that was it". At 20 years old, Del Rey signed a $10,000 recording contract and moved to a trailer park outside of New York City. The album that she recorded was later shelved, "causing her to shift her focus"." → Aside from prose issues, where are the sources?

 Fixed the sources. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• No need for a 1 one third paragraph. Put it at the end of the second paragraph.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• Baroque pop is in the info box, but nowhere in the article. Unsourced.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:59, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• Same for indie pop. Unsourced.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:59, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• Same for chamber pop. Unsourced.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:59, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• Same for Trip hop. Unsourced.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:59, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• "According to the sheet music published by EMI Music Publishing at Musicnotes.com" → Remove, this shouldn't be included.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• Again, why is there a one line paragraph? Put it at the end of the second paragraph.

 Fixed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

• There are so many issues with article in the first three sections alone, and I can see many more in subsequent ones. Prose is the main issue. Lots of instances of un-sourced content. All of the genres are completely un-sourced. Looking head, the Commercial performance section is tiny, considering it reached the top ten in 10 countries and was certified platinum, according to what you say in the lead. Unformatted/incorrect references too. Sorry but I am failing this article. It needs to be throughly re-written, I suggest a Peer Review, something that GAN is not. AARON• TALK 3:51 pm, Today (UTC+1)

I have made a request for this article to be peer reviewed. teammathi (talk) 16:12, 12 January 2013 (UTC)