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Talk:Vince Velasquez/GA1

< Talk:Vince Velasquez
Latest comment: 3 years ago by Sanfranciscogiants17 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 00:09, 24 August 2021 (UTC)Reply


I will be reviewing this! Comments to follow shortly. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 00:09, 24 August 2021 (UTC)Reply

References

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  • This section looks good!

Lead

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  • Link shortstop on first mention, delink it on second.
  • ”his elbow” – somewhat evident, but may want to say “his right elbow”
  • ” A growth spurt prior to his senior year of high school drew interest from the soccer and football teams,” – “A growth spurt prior to his senior year of high school caused him to draw interest from the soccer and football teams,”
  • Also, may want to link soccer and American football
  • I would put either who encouraged him (the White Sox scout) or simply say that Velasquez decided to focus on baseball (less words).
  • Add “later that year” after Tommy John surgery—shows that he did pitch for Greenville before having to undergo it.
  • ”After going from a successful performance with the Quad Cities River Bandits in 2013 to a disappointing three-game stretch with the Lancaster JetHawks, Velasquez learned to sharpen his curveball, and, the following year, he helped take the JetHawks to a California League championship title.”—I feel like this might make more sense if worded as, “He had a successful season with the Quad Cities River Bandits in 2013, but struggles during a three-game stretch with the Lancaster JetHawks inspired him to sharpen his curveball. The following year, he helped take the JetHawks to a California League championship title.” The advantage of wording it this way is that it shows that the three games with Lancaster were indeed an important part of the year for him.
  • ” he was traded to the Phillies as part of Matt Klentak's major trade for Ken Giles” – Probably don’t need to mention Klentak here. Maybe just say “he was part of a major trade with the Phillies that brought Ken Giles to Houston.”

Early life

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  • ”His father Leonard worked as a package delivery driver for the United Parcel Service (UPS), and sometimes worked four jobs at once to provide for Velasquez and his brothers, while his mother Juanita was a hospital billing supervisor.” – “His father Leonard primarily worked as a package delivery driver for the United Parcel Service (UPS), though he sometimes worked four jobs at once to provide for Velasquez and his brothers. Vince’s mother Juanita was a hospital billing supervisor.”
  • I think I would take out the last sentence of the first paragraph. The article is more of a Mother’s Day article and, while undoubtedly true, carries the negative implication that Velasquez was not close with his father. This might make it a little misleading, and the article would be better off without it.
  • Spell out CIF (California Interscholastic Federation) on first mention.
  • ”He struck out 17 batters” – Link strikeout for the first time here.

Minor league career

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  • No need to link strikeout again, as you’ll have linked it in the early life section.
  • This might be correct, but did the Astros actually have an instructional league? Or did they have a team in an instructional league?
    • I googled "Astros instructional league" and it appears to be defined in that they have a league of their own (ba-dum tss)
  • ” Velasquez regained his pitch velocity quickly after the surgery, his fastball speed jumping from 88–90 mph (142–145 km/h) to 90–93 mph (145–150 km/h), but took the season to regain control.” – “Velasquez regained his pitch velocity quickly after the surgery. His fastball speed jumped from 88–90 mph (142–145 km/h) to 90–93 mph (145–150 km/h), but it took him the whole season to regain his control.”
  • ” that a shorter club” – “that a shorter season”
  • ”started in nine games” – “started nine games”
  • ” Velasquez posted a 9–4 record” – “Velasquez had posted a 9—4 record”
  • ” Although he missed two months of the season with a groin injury,[16] 2014 proved to be a breakout season for Velasquez, who started seven games and appeared 12 times in relief, posting a 4.37 ERA in the process” – “Although…” is technically modifying the subject, implying that he is referring to the subject, which is 2014. Try instead “Although Velasquez missed two months of the season with a groin injury,[16] 2014 proved to be a breakout season for him. He started seven games and appeared 12 times in relief, posting a 4.37 ERA in the process.”
  • ”California League championships” – “California League playoffs”
  • ”before sweeping” – “before they went on to sweep”
  • ”After the 2014 season” – “Following the 2014 season” to prevent starting 2 sentences in a row with “After”

Houston Astros

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2016

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  • ” It was the first major trade of Matt Klentak's new role as the Phillies' general manager, with Giles used as a bargaining chip to rebuild a struggling team.” – “It was Matt Klentak’s first major trade as the Phillies' general manager; he used Giles as a bargaining chip to attempt a rebuild of a struggling team.”
  • ” to do so” – “to strike out at least that many”
  • ”abruptly left two pitches into a game” – “abruptly left after two pitches in a game”
  • ” Velasquez was placed on the 15-day disabled list on June 10, with Luis García called up from the Lehigh Valley IronPigs to take his place, and returned to the Phillies on June 27” – Probably don’t need to mention Garcia here. How about “Velasquez was placed on the 15-day disabled list on June 10, returning to the active roster 17 days later on June 27.”
  • ”on September 4, 2016.” – Don’t need 2016.
  • ”after a career-high” – “after the pitcher threw a career-high”
  • ”In his final start” – sentence is fine as it is, but makes more chronological sense to have it before the sentence about him being shut down.

2017

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  • I would specify what number starter he was in the rotation.
  • I think I was watching that game! The high pitch count definitely rings a bell!

2018

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2019

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  • ”signed to a” – don’t need to
  • I would take out that he started the season poorly—a 1.99 ERA in four starts is actually quite good. It looks more like he had four good games, then started pitching poorly. Your summary of his early-season performance should sufficiently make this point.
  • ” despite a 1.99 ERA in his first four starts, he allowed 18 base runners, four home runs, and eight runs in a span of 7+2⁄3 innings before he was placed on the 10-day injured list with a right forearm strain on May 11” – “after a 1.99 ERA in his first four starts, he allowed 18 base runners, four home runs, and eight runs in a span of 7+2⁄3 innings before he was placed on the 10-day injured list with a right forearm strain on May 11.”
  • ”off-base” – “off base”
  • I would take out “His performance improved later in the season” – doesn’t seem supported by his highlight of just the one game.
  • ”play from left field” – “throw from left field”
  • Found Ned Garver’s autobiography for $5 at a store recently, then discovered after I bought it that it was actually autographed!

2020

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2021

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Pitcher profile

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  • This section looks good!

Personal life

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  • “Velasquez' father, as well as his older brothers Leonard Jr. and Christopher, served in the United States Marine Corps, with his brothers serving in the Iraq War.” – “Velasquez' father and uncles, Leonard Jr. and Christopher, served in the United States Marine Corps. His brothers served in the Iraq War.”

A bunch of minor fixes; otherwise, article looks great as always! Let me know when you’ve addressed these, and I’ll give the article another look! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 01:26, 24 August 2021 (UTC)Reply

Sanfranciscogiants17 Oh, Vinny Vinny Vinny. Such a frustrating man. I think I've addressed all of the comments, let me know if there's anything else! — GhostRiver 21:01, 24 August 2021 (UTC)Reply
GhostRiver Looks good now; passing. Well done once again! We'll see what happens with Vinny, but I wouldn't be surprised if he finishes among the MLB leaders a few years from now - in saves! :) Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2021 (UTC)Reply
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