Talk:We choose to go to the Moon/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Kees08 (talk · contribs) 06:55, 19 March 2018 (UTC)
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| 1. Well-written: | ||
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1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct. |
"per cent" should be one word, unless that's a British thing? Though this is an article on American politics.
"When addressing the crowd at Rice University, he stated the American desire to do what had never been done before by exploring space, and being the first to do it with the pioneering spirit that had dominated American folklore since the nation’s foundation." - this sentence seems oddly worded.
"These words that emphasized the freedom enjoyed by Americans to choose their destiny rather than have it chosen for them, and combined with Kennedy's overall usage of rhetorical devices in the Rice University speech, these were particularly apt as a declaration that began the American space race." - reword this as well
"citizens allegedly interested" allegedly seems really weird there, I get the point, but it can be made differently, if it needs made at all (same with the second allegedly that was used)
" about Space" space lower case
"This accomplishment remains an enduring legacy of Kennedy's speech. But his deadline demanded a necessarily narrow focus." maybe make this one sentence? " role as Chairman " - chairman should be lowercase since it is not being used as a title, such as Chairman Kennedy.
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1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation. |
Add a little more to the intro that includes rhetoric and reception.
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| 2. Verifiable with no original research: | ||
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2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline. |
"Logsdon, John M. (2011). John f. Kennedy and the Race to the Moon." - F should be capitalized " Boyd, Jade (August 30, 2012). "JFK's 1962 Moon Speech Still Appeals 50 Years Later". Rice University." - missing access-date. Also, could include in the article that the audience was primarily Houston school children? Seems relevant to me, I always thought he was trying to get votes with it.
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2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose). |
"Jordan, John W. (Summer 2003). "Kennedy's Romantic Moon and Its Rhetorical Legacy for Space Exploration". Rhetoric and Public Affairs. 6 (2): 209–231. ISSN 1094-8392. JSTOR 41940312." - I was going to ask if this was reliable, I looked up and saw the journal appears to be reputable. I figured I would leave this comment up for any future persons looking at the sources.
Is Winsipedia a reliable source? Is there any better source we can use?
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2c. it contains no original research. | |
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2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism. | Earwigs tool came back with a high match, and you know what that means. That's right, false positive since this is a speech and it was the speech text. |
| 3. Broad in its coverage: | ||
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3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic. | |
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3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style). |
"As of 2018, the Rice Owls have been 2-46 versus" - I kind of like the fact it is up-to-date, but I think since he made the joke about their record in 1962, the the record should be from 1962.
On that same note, since he made a joke about the heat it is probably relevant to state how hot it was there.
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4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each. | |
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5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute. | |
| 6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio: | ||
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6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content. |
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6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions. |
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7. Overall assessment. | |
- I have updated the sources of the two images to their current locations.
- The fifty cent piece was apparently there to illustrate a point Kennedy made about the cost of the effort. Removed.
Optional in case you want to take it higher than GA:
- It is too short to be a FAC, and there is nowhere else for politics articles to go, so this is it. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 12:02, 20 March 2018 (UTC)
- The citations need to be in numerical order
- The impact on the Apollo Program is understated. From the books I have read, this was the main, driving factor in landing a man on the moon before the end of the decade. Then emphasizing more that many at NASA would say things similar to 'Kennedy said to land on the Moon, not land there three more times with science mission'. I know it says that in the article now, but I think it could be emphasized more.
- Added a bit more. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 11:46, 20 March 2018 (UTC)
- File:JFK_Tour_of_KSC_-_GPN-2000-000605.jpg could be used here, it is during his tour of KSC the previous day, as mentioned in the article. (other options File:Kennedy with von Braun.jpg, File:President John F. Kennedy and Dr. Wernher von Braun 1962.jpg, File:President Kennedy Tours Mercury Control Center (23730618550).jpg, though I am partial to the first one)
- "Young, Hugo; Silcock, Bryan; Dunn, Peter M. (1969). Journey to Tranquility. London: Jonathon Cape." - ISBN?
- Doesn't have one. Too old. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 11:46, 20 March 2018 (UTC)
I will add more later. Kees08 (Talk) 07:12, 20 March 2018 (UTC)
- Alright, I think that does it. If I kept staring at it I think I would find more 'issues', but I think they would be above GA level at that point. I watched the whole speech, very interesting, turns out I never listened to anything close to the whole speech before. Kees08 (Talk) 07:42, 20 March 2018 (UTC)
GA, and if you want to take it to A-class, I could setup WP Spaceflight to try it and recruit some editors to review it. Kees08 (Talk) 08:32, 21 March 2018 (UTC)
- Also, there are several good, PD images of the crowd located here that you may consider including.