Talk:Wet Hot Demonic Summer/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Gen. Quon (talk · contribs) 23:54, 27 February 2012 (UTC)

I'm not going to make a checklist. I'm just going to list out the problems I see:

• Intro: "Powell was inspired to write the episode after reading a critic's review of the series which called Leonard omnipotence, which spurred an idea involving him having to take responsibility." Too many 'whiches'
• Plot: "Meanwhile, the demons—the wizard's enemies—are ready to attack Mount Magic, but a force field keeps them out." Change 'keeps' to 'is keeping'
• Plot: "To get Mark to come along, they elect him as the camp leader for a summer camp (originally a mining camp) that they built nearby" Change 'built' to 'build
• Plot: "Moments later, when initiation ceremony begins at Mount Magic, the demons invade the compound and a battle between wizards and demons commence" Change 'commence' to 'commences'
• "while Lionel runs away to be with Callie, who being the camp's "sexy counselor", flashes him before Mark interrupts." Comma needed after 'who'
• "Grimes arrives with his army of bears and soon thereafter, Doug arrives in a hole that he dug, which collapses the floor and all the demons and bears are consumed by the hole." Rewrite this sentence. Too run-ony and uses the word "hole" too much
• Production: "Leonard would be responsible of dealing with a kid" Change 'of' to 'for'
• Production: "Grimes is shown to settle into living his life as a bear." Change to "Grimes is shown settling into his life as a bear."
• Reception: "steadier" Word choice? I'd say ""Wet Demonic Summer" marked a drop in ratings compared to the first season finale, "The Manbirds", which received a 0.7 rating."
• Reception: "Lastly Wagner observed..." Comma needed after 'lastly'

OK, these are the only issues. Fix them within seven days and the article passes! Cheers!--Gen. Quon (talk) 02:46, 28 February 2012 (UTC)

I think it's all done :) Pancake (talk) 12:00, 28 February 2012 (UTC)

Looks good to me. I pass!--Gen. Quon (talk) 17:44, 28 February 2012 (UTC)