Talk:When I Was Older/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 10:37, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Starting on this today --Kyle Peake (talk) 10:37, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

• Infobox looks good
• "by American singer Billie Eilish." → "by American singer Billie Eilish from the soundtrack album Music Inspired by the Film Roma (2018)."
• Use the second sentence for song release date instead, writing "The song was released as a single by Sony Masterworks on January 9, 2019."

•  Not done --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

• "the latter handled the production" → "the latter handled production"
• Don't see any referencing of heartbreak in the body so this is WP:OR right now
• Mention the critical reception in a new second sentence of the second para; start this sentence with the title of the song before mentioning the reviews
• Also, give mention of what was praised/commented on if possible
• Swap the order of the live performances and chart position sentences around
• "The song was performed live" → "It was performed live"
• "Eilish's 2019 When We All Fall Asleep Tour and her Where Do We Go? World Tour in 2020" → "Eilish's When We All Fall Asleep Tour and Where Do We Go? World Tour in 2019 and 2020, respectively"
• "number 11 on the" → "number 11 on the US"
• Target Alternative Digital Song Sales to Billboard charts

 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 17:30, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Background and release

• "The songs title was inspired" → "She stated that the song's title was inspired"
• "“When I was older I used to be a sailor, but I drowned in a storm.”" → ""When I was older I used to be a sailor, but I drowned in a storm."" since the speech marks are formatted incorrectly right now; the punctuation can stay within quotes here because it is a full sentence
• "Eilish revealed that the 2018 movie" → "Eilish revealed the 2018 movie"
• [3][1][4] put in numerical order
• Release date is incorrect in the single sentence and mention that it was for digital download and streaming in various countries

•  Not done As you have not mentioned it being in various countries and why are the labels different here from in the infobox? --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

• "added to the Japanese edition of Eilish's debut album" → "included on the Japanese edition of Eilish's debut studio album"
• "her brother, Finneas O'Connell, who also" → "her brother Finneas O'Connell, and he also"

 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 17:40, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Composition and lyrical interpretation

• Target beats per minute to Tempo
• ""When I Was Older" has been described" → "It has been described"
• "says the song starts with" → "said the song starts with"
• Add release years of the tracks in brackets

user: Kyle Peake: Where do I add this? DarklyShadows (talk) 17:56, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

DarklyShadows directly after the title of the Lil Uzi Vert track mentioned, put its release year in brackets and do the same directly after the other track; keep this outside of the speech marks for title, of course. --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

• "in a statement "When" → "in a statement, "When"
• "us convey this.”" → "us convey this.""
• "According to Wandera Hussein of The Fader, Eilish's auto-tuned vocals come in, saying it" → "Wandera Hussein of The Fader said of Eilish's auto-tuned vocals coming in that it"
• Maybe add mention of the lyrics relating to heartbreak?
• [16][12][13] put in numerical order
• "In the flood." are" → "In the flood" are" since the quote ending indicates it's the end of the lines
• "of the trees burning" → "of trees burning"
• "outside of a house."" → "outside of a house." since this is not inside a quote so why is it here?
• "noted that the singer" → "noted that Eilish"

 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 02:30, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

Reception and promotion

• "Upon release, "When I Was Older" was generally praised by" → ""When I Was Older" was met with generally positive reviews from"
• "and is "shaping up" → "and "shaping up"
• "called the song" → "called it"
• "Derrick Rossignol, writing for Uproxx magazine, stated" → "Rossignol stated"
• "how “When I Was Older” has" → "how "When I Was Older" has"
• "although its" → "although wrote its"
• "and call it a" → "and called the track a"
• "praised the song for the lyrics" → "praised the track for the lyrics"
• "limited success on the charts" → "limited success on record charts"
• Remove wikilink on Billboard at this point per WP:OVERLINK
• "US Alternative Digital Song Sales" → "Alternative Digital Song Sales" and target to Billboard charts
• "number seven on the New Zealand Hot Singles Chart,[19] number three on the Sweden Heatseeker chart,[20] and number nine" → "number 7 on the New Zealand Hot Singles Chart,[19] number 3 on the Sweden Heatseeker chart,[20] and number 9" per MOS:NUM instating the comparative values need to be consistent
• [22][23][24] put them all at the end of the sentence since it's only three refs

•  Not done --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

• [25][26] ditto

user:Kyle Peake Which references are you talking about for 25 and 26? DarklyShadows (talk) 18:06, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

I mean the ones of the last sentence in this section; place both at the end of the sentence instead. --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 02:32, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

• Use {{spaced ndash}} so there is the right space between credits and personnel

User: Kyle Peake: Can you help me? I do not know how to do this... DarklyShadows (talk) 18:11, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Take "Wouldn't Leave" for example --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 02:33, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

Charts

• Are you sure it should be (Recorded Music NZ) instead for the third chart entry of the table?
• Target Alternative Digital Song Sales to Billboard charts

 Done DarklyShadows (talk) 18:13, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

References

• Make sure all of these are archived using the tool
• Copyvio score is too high at 43.2% and 41.2% for refs 2 and 11, respectively; decrease this by trimming down quotes

•  Not done Score looks too high at 41.5%, right now. --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

• MOS:QWQ issues for ref 1
• Change ref 2 to citing Rolling Stone instead of RollingStone; for suggestions like this where I have italicised the parameter, I am suggesting for work/website to be used as that auto italicises things so I thought I'd clarify to stop any confusion
• MOS:QWQ issues for ref 4
• Use the numerous citations template for ref 5 to verify the release was in various countries and only wikilink iTunes Store the first citation plus add the region retailer in brackets; iTunes Store (US), for example

•  Not done But use "Sober" for a guideline --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

• Remove wikilink to iTunes Store on ref 6
• Change ref 7 to citing Empik as publisher instead with the wikilink and change the accessdate to the commonly used format
• Fix ref 8's accessdate and MOS:QWQ issues, also cite Tidal as publisher instead

•  Not done --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

• MOS:QWQ issues for ref 9
• Fix authors on ref 10 for consistency with the formatting of the others in the article, plus don't use "and" to separate the last two either

•  Not done and you should keep the multiple authors, but use last1=, first1=, last2=, first2=, etc. --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

• Remove wikilink to Rolling Stone on ref 12
• MOS:QWQ issues for refs 15 and 16
• Add the date for ref 19
• Ditto for ref 21

•  Not done --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

• Remove wikilink on Variety on ref 23
• MOS:QWQ issues for ref 25
• Remove wikilink on Consequence of Sound on ref 26 and fix MOS:QWQ issues

user: Kyle Peake Can you give me an example of how to use MOS:QWQ? DarklyShadows (talk) 18:48, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

When there are speech marks that you placed inside the titles of references, replace them with ' instead since ref titles themselves are automatically put into speech marks so you don't want any added speech marks from the title parameter to any refs. --Kyle Peake (talk) 20:35, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

Final comments and verdict

 On hold but like last time I reviewed one of your articles, feel free to ask me if help is needed with anything. --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:31, 5 June 2020 (UTC)

user: Kyle Peake Sorry for the late response. All of the issues should be fixed. DarklyShadows (talk) 02:56, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

{u|DarklyShadows}} There are some issues that you still have not fixed, I will mark a  Not done template under each. --Kyle Peake (talk) 05:36, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

user: Kyle Peake Everything should be taken care of.

DarklyShadows All good apart from ref 8's missing accessdate and ref 21's missing date. --Kyle Peake (talk) 09:46, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

Kyle Peake I fixed those issues now. DarklyShadows (talk) 16:32, 6 June 2020 (UTC)

Was happy to respond to you on any issues when confused arose, ✓ Pass! --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:44, 6 June 2020 (UTC)