Talk:Wildlife (La Dispute album)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 18:18, 23 April 2013 (UTC)

I'll be glad to take this review. Initial comments to follow in the next 1-3 days. Thanks in advance for your work on this one! -- Khazar2 (talk) 18:18, 23 April 2013 (UTC)

Review

On a first pass, this article appears to be well-researched and comprehensive. I am seeing persistent spelling and grammar issues, however, to an extent that some substantial copyediting will be necessary, better dealt with outside the GA review process. (This is a problem for criterion 1a.) For that reason, I'm not listing the article at this time.

I've listed some examples below, but please note that this isn't close to a complete list. I'd suggest before renominating that you do some careful proofreading of the content; if you're not comfortable doing this yourself, you might consider submitting it at the Guild of Copy Editors. Again, many thanks for your work so far! Even if the article isn't being listed at this time, your improvements are appreciated, and I hope you'll continue work to bring this the rest of the way there. (Sorry, too, that it's taken so long for this one to get a reviewer!) Cheers and all best, -- Khazar2 (talk) 21:54, 23 April 2013 (UTC)

Examples

• All album titles, including Wildlife and past albums by the group, need to be italicized.
• "watching your home town decay, your faith and the death of a friend or a family member." -- why is "watching your faith" an item in the list? Is the idea here that "your faith" is also decaying? It's also best to avoid the second person ("you") for formal writing.
• "including "Harder Harmonies" "The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruits"." -- there should be an "and" here
• "With critics mainly drawing upon its more melodic approach to their style as well as its lyrical content." -- sentence fragment
• "after their debut album" -- pronoun needs a clear antecedent. Better to write "La Dispute's" here.
• "their debut album, Somewhere At the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair was released" -- needs another comma after Altair
• "They started with the instrumentation of 6 tracks at Drasik Studios in Chicago, this recording process was done over the course of two weeks" -- comma splice; use semicolon or period to divide complete sentences
• "Dreyer was asked how the song-writing differs, he was quoted as saying" -- comma splice--also, differs from what?
• "The song-writing featured on the album is distinct to the previous releases by the band with the story or the concept behind each song was written by Dreyer then the band would adapt these stories into lyrics and create music to revolve round them" -- run-on sentence; also, this should be "around" instead of "round"
• "Jordan Dreyer, alongside the rest of La Dispute" --needs another comma after La Dispute
• "La Dispute's European took place over January and early February support from Former Thieves" -- I'm guessing "tour" is the missing word here? Or "tours"?
• "describing the albums four monologues " -- should be "album's" (possessive)
• "Primarily due to the seriousness of the lyrics in nature making it hard to settle into the album." -- sentence fragment