Talk:William Francis Clarke/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

---

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:50, 3 February 2020 (UTC)

Comments

• "His term ended in 1861, he returned" reads like two fragments and would probably be better as "After his term..."
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 23:58, 6 February 2020 (UTC)
• "March 19, 1816 in the" comma after 1816.
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 23:59, 6 February 2020 (UTC)
• First para of Early life section seems unreferenced?
  • Whoops. Forgot to add a second citation after splitting up the section. Ergo Sum 00:00, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• "operation of Gonzaga" perhaps "operation of the college" to avoid that Gozaga repeat?
  • Done. Ergo Sum 00:00, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• "He then entered the" as a new para in a new section, the "then" jars a little bit.
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 00:02, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• "in White Marsh, Maryland and" comma after Maryland.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 00:03, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• My ignorance, I don't know what "third" and "first grammar" means. Is there a suitable link or a footnote that could be applied?
  • I'm not 100% certain of it either. From what I've read, I've deduced that students would take a set of the same subjects every year, but with increasing levels of difficulty. So, e.g. first grammar would be more elementary than third grammar. I don't have a source, however, that really explains that. Ergo Sum 00:04, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• And in any case, I think those two short sentences could be merged for flow improvement.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 00:05, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• "That year, his health rapidly failed" again, new section, perhaps "His health rapidly failed during 1846..."?
  • Clarified. Ergo Sum 00:08, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• "to Bohemia Manor, Maryland to recuperate." comma after Maryland.
  • Done. Ergo Sum 00:08, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• "which was then uncommon" I think I get this but would it be clearer if it was "which was uncommon at that time"?
  • Done. Ergo Sum 00:09, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• " his appointment President of Loyola College in Maryland" missing "as"?
  • Fixed. Ergo Sum 00:10, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• "six months of his assuming office" quick repeat of "assume" here, perhaps this one could be "taking" instead?
  • A good change. Ergo Sum 00:10, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• "That following year,...." not necessary when you have the full date of his return just after.
  • Removed. Ergo Sum 00:11, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• In the suc box, where you have "Pastor of St. Joseph's Church" I would add ", Baltimore" to that because there are no doubt plenty of churches called "St. Joseph's" and since the church has no article, it's useful to disambiguate it.
  • Is this common? I've only ever seen where the bluelink itself is included in the succession box. My inclination would be that if a reader were unclear, they could click on the link or read above. Ergo Sum 00:12, 7 February 2020 (UTC)
• Bernardin F. Wiget is not notable but Joseph O’Callaghan is notable? Any reason?
  • O'Callaghan was notable by virtue of being president of Loyola Maryland. I have not researched Wiget, but to my knowledge, he held no such notable position. Ergo Sum 00:15, 7 February 2020 (UTC)

That's all I have for now, so it's on hold. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 11:57, 5 February 2020 (UTC)

@The Rambling Man: Thank you for your comments; a much better article as a result. Ergo Sum 00:16, 7 February 2020 (UTC)

Cheers, thanks for making those changes, the outstanding "issues" aren't so much issues as things I thought we could discuss, and certainly don't stand in the way of promotion so I'll go ahead and do that. Nice work. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 11:44, 7 February 2020 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.