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Talk:William H. Davis (educator)/GA1

< Talk:William H. Davis (educator)
Latest comment: 2 years ago by West Virginian in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 2 years ago62 comments3 people in discussion
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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 17:50, 15 March 2022 (UTC)Reply


Hello! I'll be reviewing this article to help reduce the good article nomination backlog and to gain points in the WP:WIKICUP. Although quid pro quo is not required, if you fancy returning the favor, I have a list of articles in need of review here. — GhostRiver 17:50, 15 March 2022 (UTC)Reply

Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose ( ) 1b. MoS ( ) 2a. ref layout ( ) 2b. cites WP:RS ( ) 2c. no WP:OR ( ) 2d. no WP:CV ( )
3a. broadness ( ) 3b. focus ( ) 4. neutral ( ) 5. stable ( ) 6a. free or tagged images ( ) 6b. pics relevant ( )
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked   are unassessed

Infobox and lede

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  • "the first teacher" should probably have a qualifier of the first to formally teach Washington, as teaching occurs throughout one's life (says, of course, the pedagogue)
  • The "present-day Marmet" in parentheses feels like trivia for the lede, particularly since Marmet is already linked
  • Replace parentheses around "including his 24 years as principal" with a comma after "total of 47 years"
  • "and the only African-American candidate for governor to date (as of March 2022)" → "and as of 2022 is the only African American gubernatorial candidate in the state's history."

Early life and education

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  • active, albeit unofficial Phrasing seems odd, as it feels like it would be uncommon, to say the least, for there to be any official supporters of the Railroad
  • educated in the public schools maybe change to "public school system" for better flow
  • when he relocated to Chillicothe and remained there from 1861 to 1863 some awkward syntax here
  • Rephrase "fall 1863" per MOS:SEASON
  • GhostRiver, thank you for these thoughtful comments and suggestions. All of these have been addressed/incorporated in to the article. I rephrased the one sentence to "… when he relocated to Chillicothe from 1861 to 1863 to study English education at public schools." Let me know if this syntax works better, and thanks again! — West Virginian (talk) 11:15, 12 April 2022 (UTC)Reply

Military service

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  • Comma after "December 18, 1863" per MOS:DATECOMMA
  • The phrasing after "guarded Abraham Lincoln" makes it sound as if "President's Escort" and "Lincoln's Body Guard" were nicknames for Lincoln himself, even though logically that makes no sense
  • Link first instance in the body of "Washington, D.C."
  • "deafness in one year" → "in one ear"
  • Comma after "June 27, 1865" per MOS:DATECOMMA
  • GhostRiver, I've addressed all these thoughtful comments and suggestions in this section. I rephrased the one sentence as this: "Davis's unit was a cavalry regiment, variously known as the "President's Escort" and "Lincoln's Body Guard", that guarded President Abraham Lincoln…". Please let me know if this works better or if there are any outstanding issues in this section. Thank you again! — West Virginian (talk) 11:24, 12 April 2022 (UTC)Reply

Career in education

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  • Per our article on it, there's no hyphen in African American
  • "Davis resigned from his position on the boat"
  • ""advanced readers."" → ""advanced readers"." per MOS:LQ
  • During his tenure as principal, Davis was demoted to a subordinate teaching position, and was briefly brought back to serve as principal. Confusing syntax
  • had begun employing current educational methods Such as what? Also be aware of "current" per MOS:DATED
  • GhostRiver, thank you again for your thoughtful comments and suggestions. Regarding "African American", it is usually not hyphenated as a noun, and hyphenated when it is an adjective. I am not opposed to removing the hyphen though, and will see if I can find a Wikipedia standard for this in the meantime. I have addressed the other comments in the prose. Please let me know if these edits address your guidance, and thank you again! — West Virginian (talk) 11:46, 12 April 2022 (UTC)Reply

Gubernatorial campaign

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  • "the Colored Independent Party was organized by 49 African-American delegates at a convention in Charleston, where the party" → "49 African American delegates formed the Colored Independent Party at a convention in Charleston, which then"
  • So, how did Davis actually do in the election?
  • GhostRiver and other editors and administrators who will review this article and this GA review, I took time to research the available election results records from the 1888 West Virginia gubernatorial election and I could not find an election result total for Davis. This could be because the state’s 1888 gubernatorial election totals were contested between the Democrats and Republicans, and the election was not resolved until 1890. I could only seem to find election result totals for the two main candidates, and not the other parties' candidates. Please let me know how best to address this in the article, and I will edit accordingly. Thanks again to GhostRiver for a very thorough and comprehensive review, and thank you to those who will review this article next. – West Virginian (talk) 14:55, 11 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

Later life and death

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  • I would place this section after "Personal life", in line with articles like Arthur Guinness
  • "and presented" → "where he presented"
  • ""Battle Hymn of the Republic."" → ""Battle Hymn of the Republic"." per MOS:LQ
  • Because we know Washington died before the 1937 Tuskegee memorial, his appearance in the text with "Washington recognized Davis" kind of makes him sound like he was resurrected to praise his former teacher
  • I've finished addressing and incorporating each of these thoughtful suggestions and comments! Please let me know if there are any outstanding issues with this section and I'll address them as soon as I can. Thank you again! — West Virginian (talk) 11:45, 19 April 2022 (UTC)Reply

Personal life

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  • Both subsections are short enough that I don't think you need the level three subheads
  • Because the sections were moved, Grand Army of the Republic should be linked here with the acronym added and delinked in later life
  • "Republich" → "Republic"

Legacy

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  • ""...uplifting of the people of his race."" → ""...uplifting of the people of his race"." per MOS:LQ

References

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  • Good

General comments

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  • Images are public domain and obviously relevant
  • No stability concerns in the revision history
  • Earwig score looks ok, highest result is a direct quote

Thank you for your patience, West Virginian. Bipolar disorder unfortunately doesn't take a holiday. On hold for now, please feel free to ping me with questions and let me know when you're finished! — GhostRiver 17:04, 28 March 2022 (UTC)Reply

GhostRiver, thank you again for taking the time to complete this thoughtful and thorough review of this article for GA. I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know that I won’t be able to address your comments until likely this weekend, but of course, if I have time in the meantime, I’ll begin addressing as many as I can. I appreciate your patience with me and I look forward to addressing each and every comment and suggestion. Thanks again, as always. — West Virginian (talk) 10:55, 6 April 2022 (UTC)Reply

Second opinion

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Hi West Virginian. I am taking on this second opinion – or continuation of the review if you'd prefer to think of it that way. You've made it very easy to confirm that you've addressed the prior reviewers comments, so thank you for that. I have my own digging into the article to do and should have some initial thoughts for you in the next 24 hours or so. My initial initial though is: what an interesting subject! Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 03:20, 15 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

West Virginian, looking good so far! I posted the beginning of my review below. I won't post the overall progress tracker until we're further in, and I won't put the review on hold until the review is complete. At that point you'll have seven days to make the fixes. You can start now if you'd like. Please interpolate into the review with questions/comments/or   Dones. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 02:18, 16 June 2022 (UTC)Reply
  • Firefangledfeathers, thank you so much again for your thorough and comprehensive review! I really appreciate you taking the time to take on this second opinion. I've addressed or incorporated all of your thoughtful suggestions! The only one I was unable to incorporate was the as of template, which I seemed to have some difficulty with, but otherwise everything else has been incorporated. Thanks again, and please let me know if you have any questions or have more suggestions in the meantime! -- West Virginian (talk) 15:22, 20 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it well written?
    A. The prose is clear and concise, and the spelling and grammar are correct:  
    See notes below.
    All notes addressed.
    B. It complies with the manual of style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:  
  2. Is it verifiable with no original research?
    A. It contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline:  
    B. All in-line citations are from reliable sources, including those for direct quotations, statistics, published opinion, counter-intuitive or controversial statements that are challenged or likely to be challenged, and contentious material relating to living persons—science-based articles should follow the scientific citation guidelines:  
    See notes below.
    All notes addressed. Spot-checked sources verify the content.
    C. It contains no original research:  
    See notes below.
    All notes addressed.
    D. It contains no copyright violations nor plagiarism:  
    Earwig has some false positives. Source review and spot checks check out.
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. It addresses the main aspects of the topic:  
    Very comprehensive.
    B. It stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style):  
  4. Is it neutral?
    It represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each:  
  5. Is it stable?
    It does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute:  
  6. Is it illustrated, if possible, by images?
    A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content:  
    B. Images are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:  
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:  
    On holding pending the remaining items below. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 01:42, 1 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
    All notes addressed. This is a pass! Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 04:00, 7 July 2022 (UTC)Reply


GA notes

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  • Lead
    • Drop the comma after Washington or change to "and he was the first and only"
    • Comma after "After graduation", assuming you want to go with a "introductory prepositional phrases get commas" style. If not, be consistent in removing them later (e.g. "In September 1865")
    • Drop the comma after Lincoln
    • "graded school" is unlikely to be a term understood by most readers. I'd prefer to explain it in the body and remove it in the lead.
    • How about "Davis served as principal for a total of 24 years and continued to teach. He retired from teaching in 1913, having taught for 47 years."
    • "At the time of his death in 1938, Davis was one of two remaining Grand Army of the Republic members in the Charleston area." This is a bit trivial and is not mentioned in the body.

I'm stopping here for now. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 02:18, 16 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

  • Firefangledfeathers, first and foremost, thank you so much for taking the time to perform this thorough and comprehensive review. In the lead, I added "and he was the first and only" after Washington; I added a comma after graduation; I dropped the comma after Lincoln; I removed graded school and rephrased that sentence per your recommendation; and I removed the final sentence of the lead per your recommendation. – West Virginian (talk) 14:58, 20 June 2022 (UTC)Reply
  • Early life and education
    • The Gazette source by Blevins is an opinion piece, not reliable for statements of fact. Please replace it where possible and trim where other sources can't corroborate the info. I believe the names of Davis's parents is the only sentence in the article where Blevins is the only cited source.
      • Thank you for this catch! I have removed the Belvins article as a source and have also removed the sentence with Mr. Davis's parents names, as I cannot find another reliable source for their names. Thanks again! -- West Virginian (talk) 15:20, 20 June 2022 (UTC)Reply
  • Military service

Stopping here. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 04:13, 23 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

  • Career in education
    • Can another source support "Reverend Rice offered Davis a job teaching former slaves"? Gregory attributes the fact to Davis's grandchildren.
      • I could not find another source that supports this exact phrase. With that said, would it be acceptable to add "According to Davis's grandchildren,..." to attribute the source of this information? If not, I can remove this phrase accordingly. -- West Virginian (talk) 15:41, 3 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
    • Is "minor financial support from the local township school board" supported by the cited sources? It doesn't appear that Harlan credits them with any support toward the building itself.
    • Is there an archived version of page 2 of Gregory?
      West Virginian, it looks like the full article was republished by Appalachian History by Gregory as a "guest author". I think the site is reliable enough to say that the reprinting is accurate. Can you please check to make sure that all material cited to Gregory is supported by this source and then update the citation? I would leave is mostly as-is but change the url, archive the new site, and add a "via=" parameter to say it was accessed at the new site. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 16:58, 3 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
      West Virginian, pinging you to make sure this is on your radar. You still have a couple days, so no major rush. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 19:02, 5 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
      Firefangledfeathers, thank you sincerely for your patience as I worked to verify that all the cited content was also in the republished version of the article at Appalachian History. I appreciate you finding and sharing this version of the article! I've modified the url, and added the archived url, archive url date, and via element to the citation. Please review and let me know if there are any outstanding edits in the meantime! Thank you again for your guidance and expertise throughout this process! — West Virginian (talk) 11:47, 6 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
      Wonderful! I added a live url-status parameter as the Appalachian History link still works. If you get a chance to review your other archived refs, count that as an optional improvement. I spot checked four of the places this ref was used. I would recommend removing it from the Underground Railroad sentence in §Early life, or expanding the section to mention Davis's maternal grandfather, as that's who Gregory mentions being involved. Other uses I looked at check out. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 13:41, 6 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
      Firefangledfeathers, you are the best! Thank you so much for adding the live url-status to the template. I really appreciate all of your attention to these details, and I apologize for overlooking this! I also modified the mention of the Underground Railroad to ensure that it specifies Davis's maternal grandfather. Thank you so much again for everything, and please let me know if there is anything outstanding! — West Virginian (talk) 01:52, 7 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
      West Virginian, aw shucks! Since it's down to this one minor item, I've passed the nomination. Though Gregory only mentions Davis's maternal grandfather, at least one of the other cited sources mentions his father. You might like to mention both. Congrats! Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 04:00, 7 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
      Firefangledfeathers, I've mentioned both accordingly! Thank you for your patience, leadership, and guidance throughout this process. I've really appreciated this opportunity and I look forward to working with you again in the future! — West Virginian (talk) 08:04, 7 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
    • No comma after "Quarrier Street"

Stopping here. Should have more today. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 16:04, 30 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

  • Gubernatorial campaign
    • "49 African American delegates" → "49 African-American delegates". Please review elsewhere to be sure you're consistently using a hyphen for adjectives and no hyphen for nouns.
    • "refusal to recognize" is unclear, and unfortunately some of this lack of clarity is present in the sources. My best reading of the platform quote "refused to give the colored man the recognition to which he is entitled" is that they are condemning a general lack of regard, respect, or care for Black West Virginians. This sense of "refused to give recognition" is not translated well into "refused to recognize". I'd favor a direct quote of the party platform. Since this is repeated in the lead, I'd favor putting the quote there too, or removing the detail entirely and leaving it for the body.

All done! Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 01:42, 1 July 2022 (UTC)Reply

  • Firefangledfeathers, I've finished addressing your comments thus far! Unfortunately, sources are limited for detailed information on Davis's life, both in-person in hard copy sources in libraries and online. Please let me know how best to deal with some of these issues, to include the second page of the Gregory source not being archived. The issue with the original article likely occurred following the merger of the Charleston Daily Mail and the Charleston Gazette, which are now the Charleston Gazette-Mail. I truly appreciate your attention to detail, your guidance, and your mentorship throughout this process. Thank you for taking the time to perform this comprehensive and thoughtful review for GA status. -- West Virginian (talk) 15:41, 3 July 2022 (UTC)Reply

Non-GA notes (optional)

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Stopping here. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 04:13, 23 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

Stopping here. Should have more today. Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 16:04, 30 June 2022 (UTC)Reply

  • Later life and death
  • Legacy
    • "a part of the West Virginia Division of Culture and History" not needed
      • I've removed this mention from the sentence.

That's it! Firefangledfeathers (talk / contribs) 01:42, 1 July 2022 (UTC)Reply

  • Firefangledfeathers, thank you so much again for this thorough review, and for your guidance and mentorship throughout this process. I really appreciate it. I've tried to address and incorporate all your suggestions and recommendations to the best of my abilities, so please let me know if there is anything outstanding so I can ensure everything has been addressed. Thanks again! -- West Virginian (talk) 15:52, 3 July 2022 (UTC)Reply
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