Talk:William J. Murphy (Jesuit)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Vaticidalprophet (talk · contribs) 13:39, 25 August 2023 (UTC)

Anticipating picking three of these up at once -- hopefully won't take too long for any, because I don't foresee having too many comments :)

• the dramatic changes that Boston College underwent is a little awkward; if the changes are all as summarized in the next sentence, this thesis-statement-of-sorts doesn't seem necessary.
  • I've trimmed this. Ergo Sum 19:56, 27 August 2023 (UTC)
• Understandable if there aren't, but are there any details on his parents' professions or his siblings that could be added? The early life section is very sparse at the moment.
  • None that I can find. Ergo Sum 19:59, 27 August 2023 (UTC)
• After his sophomore year, on September 7, 1914, Murphy entered the Society of Jesus and proceeded to the Jesuit novitiate of St. Andrew-on-Hudson, where he studied languages and literature from 1914 to 1917 is a long many-clause sentence, which is not necessarily a bad thing but did draw my eye as worth acknowledging.
  • Split the sentence up. Ergo Sum 19:59, 27 August 2023 (UTC)
• In 1920, he began his philosophical studies at Woodstock College. After his studies is repetitive, and gives the vague impression that this wording was chosen because he didn't graduate/complete them -- is that an intentional or unintentional implication?
  • Rephrased. Ergo Sum 19:59, 27 August 2023 (UTC)
• The three sentences in quick succession beginning "After his studies", "He then", and "Afterwards" gives a minor version of the proseline effect. There may be a way to restructure these into more of a coherent whole than the current "he did X, then Y" where those things don't seem to flow into each other.
  • I've streamlined this section. Ergo Sum 19:59, 27 August 2023 (UTC)
• Is there more detail on his decision to remove Ancient Greek as a requirement? It's an interesting note and one not uncommon at the time, and it would be worth giving some additional context on his motives, the college's pushback, etc if the sources permit it.
  • My institution says it was part of a general curriculum modernization prevalent in similar schools at this time, but I cannot find anything to that effect in the source. Ergo Sum 20:01, 27 August 2023 (UTC)
• In October 1941, Boston College also became doesn't require 'also'. In general, check for 'also' use -- there are several in this section that seem superfluous.
  • Removed two. Ergo Sum 20:01, 27 August 2023 (UTC)
• Is there nothing on his cause of death or anything he did in his later pursuits?
  • None that I can find. Ergo Sum 20:01, 27 August 2023 (UTC)

No other issues -- over to you. Vaticidalprophet 13:39, 25 August 2023 (UTC)

@Vaticidalprophet: Thank you for your review. Ergo Sum 20:01, 27 August 2023 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.