Talk:Young Love (Janet Jackson song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: WonderBoy1998 (talk · contribs) 12:12, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

Hi, I'll be reviewing this entry. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 12:12, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

Background

• "Janet Jackson was born in Gary, Indiana, the youngest of ten children.[1] Jackson had initially desired to become a horse racing jockey or entertainment lawyer, with plans to support herself through acting. Despite this, she was anticipated to pursue a career in entertainment, and considered the idea after recording herself in the studio.[1] At age seven, Jackson performed at the Las Vegas Strip at the MGM Casino and began acting in the variety show The Jacksons in 1976.[1] In 1977, she was selected to have a starring role as Penny Gordon Woods in the sitcom Good Times.[1] She later starred in A New Kind of Family before joining the cast of Diff'rent Strokes, portraying Charlene Duprey for two years.[1]" - Till here the same sources is used throughout. Hence, only include the citation at the end ("She later starred in A New Kind of Family before joining the cast of Diff'rent Strokes, portraying Charlene Duprey for two years.") and remove all previous occurrences.
• "After the single "Young Love" was released, it became a hit with young people.[4]" - This is more concerned with Reception rather than background. Thus move it to the more appropriate section.

Composition, reception

• "[described the song] as an uptempo, happy song with a good hook" - this is taken directly from the source without no change in the wording. Either paraphrase it (which I think would be better) or put "uptempo, happy song with a good hook" in quotation marks.
• "Critical reviews for "Young Love" were limited; however, music critics received it positively" - This sentence is very jumbled and incorrect. You don't need to mention that the reviews were limited or the reception was positive (since it's in the lead); simply start with the summarisation of the reviews. I suggest removing the sentence altogether.
• " its principal singles chart" - Consider changing "its" to "the"

Live perf

• Ref 12 - Sheppard, Denise (September 11, 2008). "Janet Jackson Opens Rock Witchu Tour With Three Decades of Hits, Video Duets and Pyro". Rolling Stone (Jann Wenner). Retrieved June 17, 2014. - The link does not lead to the desired web page.

Lead

• It was written and produced by René Moore, Angela Winbush, with additional production by Bobby Watson. It was released as Jackson's debut single on July 7, 1982 by A&M Records. - Why doesn't any of this appear in the body. Per WP:LEAD you must include everything mentioned in the lead in the body too
• " held in New Orleans, Louisiana"- not required here

On hold Passing --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:08, 24 June 2014 (UTC)

 Done all Alex ^{talk page!} 22:48, 22 June 2014 (UTC)