Template:Did you know nominations/Glenn Duffie Shriver
The following is an archived discussion of Glenn Duffie Shriver's DYK nomination. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page; such as this archived nomination"s (talk) page, the nominated article's (talk) page, or the Did you know
(talk) page. Unless there is consensus to re-open the archived discussion here. No further edits should be made to this page. See the talk page guidelines for (more) information.
The result was: promoted by Mentoz86 (talk) 09:28, 5 April 2013 (UTC).
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Glenn Duffie Shriver
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- ... that although Glenn Duffie Shriver (pictured) was called "Mr. Patriot" by his fiancée, he plead guilty to unlawful conveying of national defense information?
- Reviewed: No. 1 Aircraft Depot RAAF
Created by PumpkinSky (talk). Self nominated at 21:38, 26 March 2013 (UTC).
interesting factual article on good sources. Article: perhaps try chronology, first what he did in China, then sentence, although (or because) a source has it in the other order. Consider to quote his attorney's "He didn't go to China looking for trouble. It found him". - Hook: I am not happy, too legal language, no mention of China. You could at least say that his fiancée is Chinese ;) - that he speaks Chinese well, studied in Shanghai, and you could use "spy" instead of the above official phrase. The pic is free, but can we say better what it shows, not exactly "him"? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 14:40, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- It is chronological. Fiancée is North Korean, not Chinese. Tweaked the hook:
- ALT1: ... that although Glenn Duffie Shriver's (pictured) North Korean fiancée called him "Mr. Patriot", he plead guilty to spying for China?
- PumpkinSky talk 20:18, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- That is an almost German construction, - by the time you arrive at the verb you have forgotten who. How is this:
- ALT2:. ... that Glenn Duffie Shriver (? pictured) plead guilty to spying for China, although his North Korean fiancée called him "Mr. Patriot"?
- Do we know what his "other name" means? Just curious. How can we describe what is pictured? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 21:14, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- I added "he" after the comma in ALT1; it didn't make sense without that. (Also, although I think "plead" may be correct, I would prefer "pled" or "pleaded" in all hooks.) MANdARAX • XAЯAbИAM 23:15, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- ALT1 or 2 is fine with me. THis is the only free photo of him we have and he's in it, so I don't see the problem. I've seen nothing about what his Chinese nickname means.PumpkinSky talk 23:24, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- Can we say "CIA document pictured" or what? I would be curious what that abstract looking thing is. Once the ? is fixed I would approve
- ALT2a:. ... that Glenn Duffie Shriver (? pictured) pleaded guilty to spying for China, although his North Korean fiancée called him "Mr. Patriot"? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 08:06, 3 April 2013 (UTC)
- ALT1 or 2 is fine with me. THis is the only free photo of him we have and he's in it, so I don't see the problem. I've seen nothing about what his Chinese nickname means.PumpkinSky talk 23:24, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- I added "he" after the comma in ALT1; it didn't make sense without that. (Also, although I think "plead" may be correct, I would prefer "pled" or "pleaded" in all hooks.) MANdARAX • XAЯAbИAM 23:15, 2 April 2013 (UTC)
- ALT1: ... that although Glenn Duffie Shriver's (pictured) North Korean fiancée called him "Mr. Patriot", he plead guilty to spying for China?
- It is chronological. Fiancée is North Korean, not Chinese. Tweaked the hook:
with thanks to Mandarax! Author, please add "Title 18 of the United States Code" to ref 9, for us who don't know U.S. legal abbreviations.- ALT2b: ... that Glenn Duffie Shriver (pictured with Chinese flag and CIA logo) pleaded guilty to spying for China, although his North Korean fiancée called him "Mr. Patriot"? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 08:36, 3 April 2013 (UTC)
