Wikipedia

Template:Did you know nominations/Kojo Armah

< Template:Did you know nominations
The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:35, 7 August 2017 (UTC)

DYK toolbox

Kojo Armah

edit
(
)
  • ... that the 1981 coup d'etat in Ghana ended Kojo Armah's diplomatic assignments in Togo? Source:see this

Created by Crosstemplejay (talk). Self-nominated at 13:52, 6 July 2017 (UTC).

  • New enough, long enough, neutrally written, adequately referenced. However, there is quite a bit of close paraphrasing from the Modern Ghana source; the names of schools and job titles are fine, but the words and sentence structure are lifted verbatim:
  • Source: He attended Asokore Primary School from 1952 and later proceeded to Apam Roman Catholic Middle School.
  • Article: He attended Asokore Primary School from 1952 and later proceeded to Apam Roman Catholic Middle School.
  • Source: In 1960, he gained admission to Apam Secondary School where he obtained his GCE Ordinary and Advanced Level Certificates.
  • Article: In 1960, he gained admission to Apam Senior High School where he obtained his GCE ordinary level and GCE advanced level certificates.
  • Source: He was then posted to the Office of the Head of Civil Service as Deputy Director in charge of Personnel, Policy and Management. In 1987, he obtained his Bachelor of Law (BL) degree at the Ghana School of Law. He retired from the Civil Service in 1992 and went into private legal practice and politics.
  • Article: he was posted to the Office of the Head of Civil Service as deputy director in charge of personnel, policy, and management. In 1987, he obtained his Bachelor of Law degree at the Ghana School of Law. He retired from the civil service in 1992 and went into private legal practice and politics.
  • I also note that his wife's name in the infobox doesn't match the name given in the article.
  • Regarding the hook, ALT0 is interesting but there is no inline cite, and the Modern Ghana source that you list here doesn't mention that the coup d'etat occurred in Togo. I am unable to open the source for ALT1; it's opening as a download, which is strange. Ditto for ALT2; it's a good hook (though why are you using the word "swapping" in the article?), but I can't open the same source. Ditto for ALT3. ALT4 is a little dry, so I struck it. QPQ done. Yoninah (talk) 23:48, 30 July 2017 (UTC)
  • @Yoninah: Thanks for the review. In the hook I said the coup occurred in Ghana not in Togo. I also dont get why the source is not working, it was working fine when I was sourcing. I have also reworked the article. Thanks. CrossTemple Jay 09:26, 31 July 2017 (UTC)
  • @Crosstemplejay: Outstanding issues:
    1. I added "In 2004" to the 3rd sentence under Political career. If this is not correct (as I don't have access to the source), please correct it. BTW I found this paragraph difficult to follow; it would be easier if the years were written consistently, at the beginning or end of each sentence.
    2. I still don't understand what the word "swapped" means under the Kojo Armah Committee section. Do you mean "swiped" or "stolen"? In the hook you're saying "mysteriously disappeared", which would work better in the article if it's verified by the source.
    3. His wife's name in the infobox doesn't match the name given in the article.
  • Regarding the hook refs, footnote 6 is still opening as a download, and then not opening at all for me. I'm hesitant to approve ALTs 1, 2, 3 because of this. ALT0 could go ahead, but it's simply not as hooky as the others. Yoninah (talk) 21:02, 1 August 2017 (UTC)
  • @Yoninah: Thanks for the review. I have added refs that open, again I have corrected the wife's name in the infobox. I have cancelled the other hooks. Thanks. CrossTemple Jay 16:06, 2 August 2017 (UTC)
  • @Crosstemplejay: Thanks for adding those cites; they're great. No close paraphrasing seen in new sources. I'm approving ALT2, which IMO is the best hook, but I would tweak it this way:
  • ALT2a: ... that Kojo Armah once chaired a parliamentary committee to investigate the substitution of cocaine for corn dough in the Police Narcotics Exhibit Room of the Ghana Police Service?
  • ALT2a hook ref verified and cited inline. ALT2a good to go. Yoninah (talk) 17:16, 2 August 2017 (UTC)
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Template:Did_you_know_nominations/Kojo_Armah&oldid=964364703"