Template:Did you know nominations/Mining industry of Sudan
- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by sovereign°sentinel (contribs) 06:29, 3 September 2015 (UTC)
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Mining industry of Sudan
edit... that most gold mining in Sudan is done by artisanal miners?
Moved to mainspace by Rosiestep (talk), Nvvchar (talk), and Dr. Blofeld (talk). Nominated by Rosiestep (talk) at 17:29, 2 July 2015 (UTC).
Sentence in the text has been changed. In view of review comments. The hook suggestion is modified as
- ALT1
... that gold mining in Sudan is also credited to a very large work force of artisanal miners?Nvvchar 16:06, 21 August 2015 (UTC)
New enough, long enough, neutrally written, adequately referenced, no close paraphrasing seen. A couple of points:- The article does not have a proper lead section. The lead appears to be more of a history and includes numerous statistics that should be moved down to the text. The lead also does not adequately summarize the article, as it only mentions petroleum, gold, iron, and chromite, whereas the body cites a long list of "Commodities". I suggest rewriting the lead as more of an overview and moving the history and statistics down to the body of the article.
- The "also" in the hook is confusing. It would be better just to state something about the artisanal miners without making it sound like something is missing. Yoninah (talk) 19:23, 1 September 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks @Yoninah: for the review. Modified the lead section as suggested. Hook is modified as
- ALT2: ... that hundreds of thousands of artisanal miners are involved in gold mining in Sudan? Nvvchar. 01:54, 2 September 2015 (UTC)
Thanks for changing the lead; it reads much better. ALT2 is fine, though I think a more specific figure would be of greater interest, so I changed "a very large work force" to "hundreds of thousands" per the source, and added a link. ALT2 hook ref verified and cited inline. ALT2 good to go. Yoninah (talk) 09:04, 2 September 2015 (UTC)
