Template:Did you know nominations/Pyramid of Nyuserre

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 01:48, 1 February 2018 (UTC)

Pyramid of Nyuserre

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• ... that before constructing his own funerary monument, Nyuserre had to complete the three monuments of his closest family members: mother, father, and older brother? Source: "We should not forget that on his ascent to the throne Niuserre took on the obligation of completing the three half-built pyramid complexes of his predecessors and the near-est members of his family, i.e. his father, mother and elder brother." from Verner and Zemina 1998 p. 80 and "when Niuserre came to the throne he had to complete the pyramids of Neferirkare, his father, Khentkawes, his mother, and Raneferef, his brother ... Niuserre reigned for more than 30 years but his pyramid is smaller than Neferirkare's and closer in size to Sahure's." from Lehner 2008 p. 148
  • ALT1:... that before the construction of his own pyramid could begin, Nyuserre had to complete the three monuments of his closest family members: mother, father, and older brother? Source: Same as above, just a rewording of the material.

• Comment: Pyramid is the catchier feature, but, it's also a little misleading. The funerary monument encompasses the pyramid, temples, and other features. Nyuserre had to build all of these, not just the pyramids.

Created by Mr rnddude (talk). Self-nominated at 00:11, 17 January 2018 (UTC).

I suggest to reword the hook, because the are Easter eggs ;)

ALT2: ... that before constructing the Pyramid of Nyuserre, his own funerary monument, Nyuserre had to complete the three monuments of his closest family members: mother, father, and older brother?

I will probably review. How about an image? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 11:51, 23 January 2018 (UTC)

Interesting and detailed, on good sources, offline sources accepted AGF, no copyvio obvious. In the lead, there are some bits of information that are no full sentences, - please change that. - Hook: think about pipe-linking the pharaoh, to avoid repetition of his name. - Article suggestions: I think for beginners it would be nice to first have the normal layout, perhaps with the plan, and then the differences to normal. At least one sentence begins with "And", please avoid. What do you think? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 15:30, 23 January 2018 (UTC)

• ALT3: ... that before constructing the Pyramid of Nyuserre, his own funerary monument, the pharaoh had to complete the three monuments of his closest family members: mother, father, and older brother?
• ALT4: ... that before the pharaoh could construct his own monument, the Pyramid of Nyuserre, he had to complete the three monuments of his closest family members: mother, father, and older brother?
• ALT5: ... that before one pharaoh could construct his own monument, the Pyramid of Nyuserre, he had to complete the three monuments of his mother, father, and older brother?
• Gerda Arendt, I don't remember if you count the brackets, bolding, and piping in the character count. If you do that's 217 characters, if not it's 190 for ALT3 or 213/187 for ALT4. I'm offering ALT5 to cover all bases. It has 189 characters with piping, bolding and linking.
• I've copy-edited the lede to complete some sentences and dropped "And" from the one that had it.
• The normal layout of the complex, or, of the temple? I've described the standard layout of the complex in the lede: "The main pyramid itself is part of a larger complex encompassing a valley temple, built on Abusir Lake; a mortuary temple, built on the east face of the main pyramid; a causeway that links the valley temple to the mortuary temple; and an additional cult pyramid that may have served to host the pharaoh's Ka." If you mean the temple, I'll try to come up with something tonight when I get home. I'm not overly pleased with the third paragraph of the lede. It looks messy to me in it's current state.
• Finally, with regards to an image, take a look at this image File:Pyramids of Nyuserre Ini and Neferirkare.jpg. On the left is Nyuserre's pyramid which can be described as a mound of rubble. On the right, you have Neferirkare's pyramid which, while ruined, at least has the step pyramid of the structure poking out from underneath. I don't know that Nyuserre's pyramid will be particularly eye-catching in this state. The image in the infobox is the best image of Nyuserre's pyramid that is available, do you think it's suitable for the main page? I mean, it's no worse than "man wearing a jean jacket"... when I think about it.
• Thanks Gerda for taking on the review. :) Mr rnddude (talk) 01:55, 24 January 2018 (UTC)

Thank you! I like ALT5 best, not because of length but because I believe we don't have to explain that "mother" is a close relative ;) - You may be right about the attractiveness of the images. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 16:11, 24 January 2018 (UTC)

• Hi, I came by to promote this, but I don't understand the grammar in ALT5. It sounds like you're making a theoretical statement, that before "a pharaoh" (meaning, "any pharaoh") could construct his own monument, etc. Why don't you link directly to the pharaoh that you're referring to? And putting the name of the pyramid in a clause surrounded by commas makes it even more confusing. What was wrong with ALT0? Yoninah (talk) 01:27, 1 February 2018 (UTC)

• Yoninah - The grammatical change from "the" to "a" was made by Gerda. It's to avoid repetition of the pharaoh's name. Plus, the pharaoh's article is being linked. "A pharaoh" is pipe-linked to Nyuserre Ini, which is the pharaoh being discussed in the hook. What's wrong with ALT0 is that a) it's not bold linked and b) the article title is different to the article link. That's fine for secondary links, but, the main one should make it clear where it's going before the link is clicked on. You can replace "a" with "one" I suppose if that helps Done. I think you can replace the first comma with a semi-colon as well. Mr rnddude (talk) 01:37, 1 February 2018 (UTC)

• Thank you. Restoring tick per Gerda Arendt's review. Yoninah (talk) 01:43, 1 February 2018 (UTC)