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2018
editI resigned my adminship and bureaucratship in 2018 under a cloud of concern about my actions, which I thought of as protecting the encyclopedia from what I perceived to be serious threats. Some - perhaps many - of those actions were driven by stress and were indefensible. I've spent a lot of time thinking about those actions and how I could have done them better, and I'm ready to contribute again, though I will probably not seek adminship again. I apologized at the time for "temporary insanity" and drastic measures that were due to extraordinary circumstances. It's reasonable that the community or its members may still not agree with my past actions or even my present, but I am resolved to follow the spirit and letter of Wikipedia policy and guidelines (including WP:IAR WP:5P5 though maybe those did not apply in those cases), learn from mistakes, do the right thing, do what works, and be kind. To those who felt betrayed, I apologize for betraying that trust. I have made mistakes, I have tried to listen and engage with feedback, when the community is telling me that I am wrong and to stand down, and correct mistakes swiftly and reasonably timely. I have always tried to improve the project. I stand by the blocks of some indeffed users and I have committed to examining a battleground mentality and a legacy cowboyism, which I understand the community considers harmful.
Some folks have opined that my apology here was insufficiently apologetic so let's be really specific: I absolutely did make mistakes, argue for wrong things, for longer than I guess some say I should have. But I have always tried to engage in good faith, consider perspectives, and change my mind when that is the right course of action to do. I have tried to always keep an open mind even when, at times, emotions or mistaken ideas have overridden good logical thought. Maybe I really shouldn't ever be an admin again, and so be it: I gave years of my life trying to make this a better project and community, and I am proud of what I did overall, and I contend that even when I was breaking the rules indefensibly, I only tried to improve the encylopedia, and most of everyone that I ever was mean to, later got indefblocked. So, I'M SORRY! I CAN CHANGE! It's one of the only things I'm sure of is that I'm changing constantly. "You only live once" is a lie - you actually live dozens, maybe even billions of times. What I interpret this to mean is many second acts, and chances to revisit or adjust one's priors based on new information. It's a sign of strength, and not weakness, to admit failings and mistakes, fail fast, pivot, and learn opportunistically.
If anyone wants more specific details or apologies, I'd be happy to share them with you!