User:Ard1228/Peter Pan syndrome

Peter Pan syndrome

Peter Pan syndrome describes one's inability to believe that they are of an older age to engage in behaviour usually associated with adulthood. People who exhibit these characteristics associated with the Peter Pan syndrome are sometimes referred to as Peter Panners. This syndrome is not considered as a mental illness, it's considered to be the anxiety some may feel while entering the new chapter of becoming adults, being mature and facing new challenges and responsibilities on our own. This affects people who do not want or feel unable to grow up, people with the body of an adult but the mind of a child. They do not know how to become adults and do not want to stop being children. The term comes from the fictional children's character Peter Pan, who never ages. This syndrome is more commonly attributed to men, but it can affect women as well.

Illustration of Peter Pan. Peter pan was the boy who would never grow up. He was a free spirited and mischievous boy who lived in Neverland, and was also the leader of the lost boys.

Some characteristics of this syndrome are the inability of individuals to take on responsibilities, to commit themselves or to keep promises, excessive care about the way they look and personal well-being and their lack of self-confidence, even though they do not seem to show it and actually come across as exactly the opposite. Also they are constantly changing partners and looking for younger ones. “Whenever the relationship starts to ask for a high level of commitment and responsibility, they become afraid and break it up. Relationships with younger women have the advantage of being able to live by the day without any worries, and they also involve less future plans, therefore less responsibilities.”

History

The concept of Peter Pan syndrome was developed by the American psychoanalyst Dr. Dan Kiley in his book The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up; first published in 1983. His book became an international best seller and led to a wave of copycat pop-psychology books. Dr. Kiley got the idea for "The Peter Pan Syndrome" after noticing that, like the famous character in the J. M. Barrie play, many of the troubled teenage boys he treated had problems growing up and accepting adult responsibilities. This trouble continued on into adulthood.

Island (1962)

Prior to Dr. Dan Kiley coining the term in his 1983 book, Peter Pan syndrome is evident in Aldous Huxley's 1962 novel Island, in which one of the characters talks about male "dangerous delinquents" and "power-loving troublemakers" who are "Peter Pans." These types of males were "boys who can't read, won't learn, don't get on with anyone, and finally turn to the more violent forms of delinquency." He uses Adolf Hitler as an archetype of this phenomenon:

A Peter Pan if ever there was one. Hopeless at school. Incapable either of competing or co- operating. Envying all the normally successful boys—and, because he envied, hating them and, to make himself feel better, despising them as inferior beings. Then came the time for puberty. But Adolf was sexually backward. Other boys made advances to girls, and the girls responded. Adolf was too shy, too uncertain of his manhood. And all the time incapable of steady work, at home only in the compensatory Other World of his fancy. There, at the very least, he was Michelangelo. Here, unfortunately, he couldn't draw. His only gifts were hatred, low cunning, a set of indefatigable vocal cords and a talent for nonstop talking at the top of his voice from the depths of his Peter-Panic paranoia. Thirty or forty million deaths and heaven knows how many billions of dollars—that was the price the world had to pay for little Adolf's retarded maturation. —  Aldous Huxley, Island (1962)

Signs of the Peter Pan syndrome

In Dr. Dan Kiley’s book “The Peter Pan Syndrome”, he describes seven main warning signs that characterize those affected.

The seven main warning signs that characterize those affected are:

-The inability to express emotions

- Procrastination

- Difficulty forming genuine friendships

- The refusal to assume personal or professional responsibility

- Unwillingess to motivate oneself or stay motivated

- Refusal or trouble with commitment

- A sense of anger and of guilt towards one parent, a desire to be closer to the other parent

- Sexual disorders

This syndrome may be presented since being a child but it becomes more notable around the age of 20 to 25, while starting the new chapter of their lives of becoming adults. We all know becoming adults comes with countless responsibilities, such as working, paying rent, taking care of ourselves among many more things. Those with Peter Pan syndrome struggle with anxiety to take on their new responsibilities. They are unwilling to do such things as getting a job because even though they might have big dreams and have their goals set, they don’t take action to pursue those dreams. They can’t handle finances since they can never stay organized or responsible enough to pay their bills on time. When it comes the time of making serious life changing decisions they are unable to make them, they try to find someone else who would make that decision for them because they are unwilling to take that responsibility, as Dr. Ortega explained, “If they are the one that makes decisions, then they are the only one that can take the blame if things don't work out, and that's not a place that they're willing to put themselves in”For this reason some take the decision to remain living with their parents even as an adult. By living with their parents they don’t have to worry about making decision since they have their parents to make it for them, and they don’t have to worry about finances or maintaining a home. Another well known fact is that they can be very selfish, they don’t care about anyone else but themselves and by being this way they are most likely to hang around people who are the same because they won’t expect much of them, because of this same reason they avoid commitment, they don’t want others to expect much of them because they are unable to give them such things. As Dr. Ortega said, “They’re basically takers and not givers. They may give the basics or the bare minimum. If they fear losing their partner, they might go out of their way to make an effort, but this behaviour doesn’t stick around for very long”.

Causes

The most common cause that leads to Peter Pan syndrome is helicopter parenting. Helicopter parenting is when parents don’t want their kids to struggle or stress about anything, they don’t want them to go through difficult situations, so instead they just do everything for them; these parents think of this as protecting them from “life”. They grow up accustomed to not having to do anything on their own because someone else will do it for them. What they don’t see is that they are depriving them the process of learning how life works, how to handle situations and make it on their own, they never learn how to properly take care of themselves nor they learn how to face all kinds of different situations that life can confront them with. According to Dr. Ortega these parents are the creation of this personality style; “They’ll provide so much indulgence to the child that it prevents them from developing the necessary resilience needed to basically grow up and take responsibility for their lives. Atan early age, the child is taught that they don’t need to fend for themselves.”

According to Stephanie Kirby some other causes that lead to Peter Pan syndrome are:

• Anxiety - Struggling with anxiety can push some people into a place where they don't know how to move forward, making wise decisions.
• Past trauma - Some people get stuck in a stage of life because of the trauma that they've experienced. The difficult emotions that they experience can make it difficult for them to move forward.
• Fear of commitment - If you're afraid of committing to something, it's easier just to avoid making any commitment. This can continue to spiral until you're in a place where you have committed to nothing and made no real progress in your adult life.

Aside all of these causes that lead to Peter Pan syndrome, this syndrome can also be caused simply by someone not wanting to take responsibility because they are afraid of failure.

How to overcome Peter Pan syndrome

The most effective solution to treat someone with this syndrome is with psychological therapy. If the person doesn’t know the reason for their struggle, they won’t know what are the necessary steps for them to move forward, the psychologist will guide you throughout the whole process. The psychologist would be responsible for evaluating the specific situation the person is dealing with and find the most appropriate treatment for them, and most importantly they will also have in mind the patients personal objectives and goals and will help them on the process of gaining responsibility in order for them to achieve their goals. Their job is to help you see things on a different perspective, so you can see what it is that you need to improve on yourself and they will help you meet that goal.

Although the most effective solution to treat someone with this syndrome is with psychological therapy, with plenty of motivation some may overcome this on their own, however it is much more difficult. In order to overcome this syndrome by themselves they must dedicate time and follow a process. This process requires a lot of patience and dedication since these people aren’t used to going through a specific objective. A good way to start is by taking things slow, since those who exhibit this syndrome are not use to handling the responsibilities that comes with being an adult, do one thing at a time; don’t stress yourself with everything you have to do; do them one by one. This will help improve their abilities of going through their tasks, and as time passes by they can also learn how to multitask.

When it comes the time of making decisions, a helpful method would be to do some research and know all the available options they have for their decision and set a deadline to themselves. While dealing with financials, if the person is used to getting support, let them know you are going to take this responsibility to yourself and are no longer accepting their help because it is in your best interest to learn and take care of these responsibilities on your own.

These are some ways to start of that process, but there is so much more, you have get rid of any distractions and be persistent, this is a full commitment to yourself, you have to give it your all because if you don’t it will be quite difficult to really overcome this syndrome. While going through this process, struggles and difficulties may be presented but it shouldn’t be a reason to give up, in this situation it’s good to get accountability, someone that can go along the process with you.

Real-world examples[edit]

Illustration of Michael Jackson.

A prominent example of a celebrity with Peter Pan syndrome is alleged to be Michael Jackson, who said, "I am Peter Pan in my heart." Jackson named the 1,100-hectare (2,700-acre) Los Olivos, California property, where he lived from 1988 to 2005, Neverland Ranch after Neverland, the fantasy island on which Peter Pan lives. He said that it was his way of claiming a childhood he never had, having started early as a performing artist with his family. He had built there numerous statues of children, a floral clock, a petting zoo, a movie theater, and a private amusement park containing cotton candy stands, two railroads, a Ferris wheel, carousel, Zipper, Octopus, Pirate Ship, Wave Swinger, Super Slide, roller coaster, go-karts, bumper cars, a tipi village, and an amusement arcade.

As The New York Daily News staff writer, Carrie Milago, reported on 26 June 2009: "On Jackson's dime, thousands of schoolchildren visited over the years, from local kids to sick youngsters from far away." Visitors "often recalled it as dreamlike," she observed. A preschool teacher visiting the site told USA Today in 2003, Neverland "smells like cinnamon rolls, vanilla and candy and sounds like children laughing."