Port of Orlando
In 1509, Vasco de Gama, the world renowned navigator, discovered an area in what we now know as "Florida." He said it would be "famous throughout the land for its beauty and serial killers!" He had been looking for what is now Port Canaveral when he was distracted by a member of his crew the history books only refer to as Roundhouse. Roundhouse was defecating on an atoll in full view of the entire ship! This caused de Gama to crash into a beautiful land that he dubbed "Porto de Orlando" which everyone knows is Swahili for "Damp Crotch of the Mouse." Later, after joining the Union 67 years after the Civil War ended, it was renamed the "Port of Orlando." The area became known for its huge shark population, its never-ending racism, its gluttonous Miller Lite consumption, and it's chief exports; body glitter and Tiki torches!