Bert Hastings was born on February 30 1954. He hails from the Dark Side of the Moon, although he moved to Roswell, New Mexico at a young age. Living in Roswell, he obviously grew an interest in pirates. At the age of 20, he set out his life's dream of becoming a professional pirate and looking for treasure. At the age of 29, after finding no treasure for nine years, he retired from the pirate life. To help pay for all of the payments left on his prized AMC Pacer, he has now settled for a managerial job at a local taco hut called "Taco Gigante".
In Bert's spare time, he likes to travel cross-country to rest stops and collecting pamplets of places he will consider visiting, but never will. Some of Bert's favorite snacks include fried banana on a stick and Fenway Franks (although he has never been to Fenway Park, or New England for that matter. He just merely assumes they would be an excellent snack). His favorite colour is plaid and his favorite number is 21.4 (no particular reason). He is a big fan of such accomplished musicians as Buster Poindexter and The Knack. Bert has always dreamed of owning his own lobster costume and traveling the world dressed up as a lobster.