User:EdieJones71/Canopic jar/Hazelsvest Peer Review
Peer review
Complete your peer review exercise below, providing as much constructive criticism as possible. The more detailed suggestions you provide, the more useful it will be to your classmate. Make sure you consider each of the following aspects: LeadGuiding questions:
ContentGuiding questions:
Tone and BalanceGuiding questions:
Sources and ReferencesGuiding questions:
OrganizationGuiding questions:
Images and MediaGuiding questions: If your peer added images or media
For New Articles OnlyIf the draft you're reviewing is for a new article, consider the following in addition to the above.
Overall impressionsGuiding questions:
Examples of good feedbackA good article evaluation can take a number of forms. The most essential things are to clearly identify the biggest shortcomings, and provide specific guidance on how the article can be improved.
Additional Resources |
General info
edit- Whose work are you reviewing?
EdieJones71
- Link to draft you're reviewing
- User:EdieJones71/Canopic jar
- Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
- Canopic jar
Evaluate the drafted changes
editYour updated lead looks great. The introductory sentence gives a clear and concise description of the topic. I really like the way you reorganized some of the content. The updated order makes a lot more sense content-wise, and the lead reads/flows much clearer and smoother now. I noticed you removed the sentence "The viscera were not kept in a single canopic jar: each jar was reserved for specific organs." I don't think you should add it back in verbatim, but maybe say something like "a complete set included four jars, each one reserved for a specific organ," before stating how each jar also represented a son of Horus. It gives the reader a bit more context as to why there are four jars in a set, before going into more depth on the topic later on.
The article could benefit from some more images being added to the photo gallery, showcasing the variety of materials and colors that are described in the article. Perhaps add images that show the evolution of the jars over time, or some of the older designs? I'd love to see an image of the blue and green glazed porcelain jar, to add some variety to the gallery.
Perhaps you could add some detail on the particular significance of the quoted inscription in the article.
Overall, the content is very clear and well-organized.