Aristotle’s 3 Kinds of Friendship:
Aristotle wrote extensively on the topic of friendship. In The Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle, he writes about his three different kinds of friendship that every individual goes through.
Kind One: Friendship based on Utility
“…the useful is not something that lasts, but varies with the moment; so, when what made them be friends has been removed, the friendship is dissolved as well, in so far as it existed in relation to what brought it about.[1]” Friendship of Utility is the kind of friendship where people use one another for a particular purpose. For example, you may have a grandparent who is always friendly towards the mailman. They may say hello or talk about the weather but when it is all said and done, there really is not a concrete relationship there. With that being said, this kind of friendship is typically seen amongst the elderly and middle-aged. “This sort don’t really even live together with each other, for sometimes they are not even pleasant people; and so neither do they feel an additional need for that kind of company, unless the people concerned are of some use, since they are pleasant just to the extent that they have hopes of some good accruing to them.”[2] This kind of friendship can be seen in those middle-aged people who are pursuing their own advantages in life. For example, one could have a colleague that they have to work with on a day-to-day basis. They may not even like this particular colleague but because they are a benefit to their success, they take advantage of that connection and they use it for their own good. “And in fact these friendships are friendships incidentally; for the one loved is not loved by reference to the person he is but to the fact that in the one case he provides some good and in the other some pleasure. Such friendships, then, are easily dissolved, if the parties become different; for if they are no longer pleasant or useful, they cease loving each other.”[3] Aristotle views this type of friendship as unstable and constantly subject to abrupt change.
Kind Two: Friendship based on Pleasure
“Friendship between young people seems to be because of pleasure, since the young live by emotion, and more than anything pursue what is pleasant for them and what is there in front of them; but as their age changes, the things the find pleasant also become different.”[4] Friendship based on pleasure is that of passion between lovers and/or that of the like minded. In the minds of young people, they want someone who is pleasant to them. Unfortunately, due to the constant changes in the minds of the youth, these types of friendships don’t tend to be long lasting. “This is why they are quick to become friends and to stop being friends; for the friendship changes along with what is pleasant for them, and the shift in that sort of pleasure is quick.”[5] Now, this type of friendship can be confused with friendship based on utility but keep in mind that it is very different. First, the age groups are different being that utility friendships are for middle-aged to elderly people. Secondly, friendships of utility are typically based on something like a business deal where there is long term benefit. Friendship of pleasure is geared towards the feeling of passion and pleasure in regards to the way the friendship makes the person feel. “The young are also erotically inclined, for erotic is for the larger part a matter of emotion, and because of pleasure; hence they love and quickly stop loving, often changing in the course of the same day.”[6]
Kind Three: Friendship based on Good
"And to those who wish good things for their friends, for their friends' sake, are friends most of all; for they do so because of the friends themselves, and not incidentally. So friendship between these lasts so long as they are good, and excellence is something lasting."[7] These types of friendships are long lasting because they involve all of the forms of friendship. Each person who has a friendship based on good has a mutual liking for the other person, they want good and pleasurable things from that person, and they know that that person will be there for them through the good and the bad. This kind of friendship is when a person wishes the best for the other person regardless of the other two forms. "For every kind of friendship is because of some good or because of pleasure, either without qualification or for the person loving, and in virtue of some sort of resemblance between the parties; and to this kind of friendship belong all the attributes mentioned, in virtue of what the friends are in themselves, since in this respect they are similar, and in the others, and the good without qualification is also pleasant without qualification--and these most of all are objects of love."[8] Though this kind of friendship is the "realest" of the three kinds, it is also hard to obtain. Both people in the friendship have to grow to really know one another. They have to go through the hard times and the good times with one another while in time, they have to develop a mutual trust and love for one another. "...for as the proverb has it, people cannot have got to know each other before they have savoured all that salt together, nor indeed can they have accepted each other or be friends before each party is seen to be lovable, and is trusted, by the other."[9]
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- ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 210 II56a11. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link) - ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 211 II56a24-31. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link) - ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 211 II56a17-20. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link) - ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 211 II56a32-35. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link) - ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 211 II56a35-37. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link) - ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 211 II56b1-5. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link) - ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 211 II56b10-12. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link) - ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 212 II56b19-23. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link) - ^ Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. Translated by Christopher Rowe. New York: Oxford University Press Inc. 2002. pp. 212 II56b27-29. ISBN 0-19-875271-7.
{{cite book}}: CS1 maint: others (link)