Me, the fastest being on the planet and the universe.
I travel at 299,792,459 miles per second, that is faster than the speed of light itself. I am an experienced runner but not professional because my high speeds just make me win immediately so they banned me from all competitions to let the other competitors at least have a slim chance. Usain Bolt is nothing compared to my absolute speed, I am clearly supreme and this is my secret way of telling the world that I, in fact am the fastest known thing in the entire universe.
Now, you might think this is fake, but no! I am telling the entire truth here, I am light years beyond average society and have seen many things throughout my speedy lifetime. I believe that I am The Key, The Key to everyone's questions, I am the answer my slow people. I am not even sure I class as a person at this rate, I just can't help my phenomenal speeds, it's a natural born skill that only I acquired, I am the fastest being ever, and if anyone was faster, no they're not.
So listen here people, do not underestimate your surroundings and do not be hesitant to question your peers, they might be speedy like me, well nobody can be like me because I travel at 299,792,459 miles per second, not even google has me as a page there, nobody knows but me and you. If you're speedy, embrace the speed, become the speed. You are speed. Speed is The Key.