Martinhobleether

Allergy

An allergy is a disorder of the immune system. Sufferers of allergies have a wide range of reactions when they come into contact with, or ingest, substances which are relatively harmless to the majority of the population. Reactions include rashes, itchiness, external and/or internal swelling which can lead to breathing difficulties, and involuntary spasms which result in coughing, sneezing etc.

Common Allergies

Whilst almost any substance can give somebody an allergic reaction, some particular allergies are vastly more common than others. These include pollen (hay fever), insect bites/stings, dairy products, nuts and ginger hair.

• 
  Stinger
• 
  Milk Maker
• 
  Period Head

Whilst most of these allergies can be controlled through medication and/or a careful diet, there is one which is almost impossible to overcome - ginger hair.

Ginger Hair

Ginger hair is predominantly found in northern Europe, particularly in Great Britain and Scandinavia. EU guidelines put in place on 20th June 1979 (remarkably about 15 years before the EU was formed) encourage sufferers of ginger hair allergies to relocate closer to the equator such as in South Africa or Rainland, as ginger haired people are afraid of the sun and wouldn't dare to venture so far south.

The Leper Effect

Leading psychologists are reporting an exponential rise in cases of the Leper Effect - this is when the most potent gingers (Grade 1) have such a profound effect on allergy sufferers that they feel they need to isolate themselves from humanity as much as possible. One of the braver Grade 1 gingers, Brian Taylor, still tries to carry on a normal life -

"I know I'm different, I know I make people ill on a regular basis. It's almost impossible to predict how someone will react after touching me - even when I was only a Grade 4 ginger and I was fortunate enough to be intimate with a girl, afterwards I would often find her in floods of tears in the bathroom, banging her head against the wall, wailing 'Why? Why? Why?' I wasn't even aware that allergies could have that effect on people. Even after that, I still consider myself to be a flame-haired Adonis and I want to show all the little ginglets out there that they still have a chance of being a part of civilisation after they leave school."

Noble words bawbag.

The Dilemma

Things took a dangerous turn for Taylor a few years ago when he discovered some grey hairs starting to mix with his natural ging.

"At first I thought that maybe I was becoming less of a danger to the public, but I soon realised I was just as potent as ever. It left me with two options - either I could just let my hair turn grey and then nobody would notice me coming, or I could try to keep the ginger for as long as possible so that everybody would know what I am. In the end I realised that the right thing to do was to try and stay ginger, it would be incredibly dangerous for me to creep up on unsuspecting allergy sufferers disguised as a normal person."

As honourable as his intentions were, Taylor was finding a strange thing happening- the grey hairs were getting fatter and the ginger hairs were disappearing at an alarming rate. After a few weeks Taylor found a solution to the problem.

"I've had to start leaving the light on when I go to sleep as it turns out that in the darkness the grey hairs were eating the ginger hairs because they were mistaking them for wotsits."

The End Is Nigh

Yesterday Brian Taylor turned 30 and is officially over the hill. I think it's safe to say everyone hopes the old bastard keeps on fighting for his place in society and continues to act like a raving lunatic for the next 30 years.

This load of bullshit was brought to you by
TM - Where amazing happens