Look what you've done to me, you've gone and made me very famous. And I thank you.
My time among you is nearly over...Before I go, I have some messages for the world.
People of America, I gave you Bill Clinton — I put him on CNN, NBC, C-SPAN. Too tall to be a despot, but watch him closely.
People of Asia, your time is coming — without your transistors, none of this (internet, computing and the whole Wikipedia thing) would be possible.
People of Europe — when I came among you, you were squabbling like children. Now you're all hooked up to one cable, as close together as stations on a dial.
People of the former Soviet Union — I gave you capitalism, so now you can all dream of being as wealthy and glamorous as me.
People of the many struggling third world nations of Africa, count your blessings ... There are people all over the world who have food, heat and security, but they're not on TV like you are.
Frank Sinatra, I give you the MTV demographic; Salman Rushdie, I give you decibels. Goodbye Squidgy, I hope they give you Wales; goodbye Michael... Goodbye all you neo-nazis, I hope they give you Auschwitz.