The story of Sujata provides guidance for Buddhist women as to how to conduct themselves in relation to their husband. What is especially interesting about this story is that, although the Buddha recommends several kinds of relationships with differing power dynamics, Sujata chooses to be a “slave-wife” (dasibhariya).
Seven kinds of wives
editIn the story of Sujata the Buddha speaks of seven types of wives. The first three kinds of wives are heading for unhappiness (in this world or the next). They are:
1. The destructive-wife (vadhaka or vadhakabhariya: alternate translations include “troublesome-wife” and “slayer-wife”) – she is described as pitiless, fond of other men and neglectful, even contemptuous, of her husband;
2. The thievish-wife (chorisama or corabhariya: an alternate translation is “robber-wife”) – she squanders the family wealth and is dishonest with her husband, especially as regards money;
3. The mistress-wife (ayyasama or ayyabhariya: alternate translations include “lordly-wife”, “master-wife” and “tyrant-wife”) – she is shrewish, rude and coarsely spoken when it suits her, lazy and domineering.
The Buddha then states that the following four kinds of wives are heading for happiness – in this world or the next (it is probably important to note that a common feature of each of these wives is that they are also imbued with “long term self-control”). They are:
1. The motherly-wife (matusama or matubhariya) – she cares for her husband as a mother for her son and carefully guards the family wealth. From the point of view of power dynamics, this kind of wife could arguably be labelled “lovingly dominant”;
2. The sisterly-wife (bhaginisama or bhaginibhariya) – she defers to her husband in the same affectionate way that a younger sister defers to her older brother. From the point of view of power dynamics, this kind of wife could arguably be labelled lovingly deferential, if not submissive;
3. The friend-wife (sakhibhariya – note that sakha means “intimate friend”, as opposed to the ubiquitous “acquaintance friend”; an alternate translation for sakhibhariya is “companion-wife”) – she loves her husband as he is her best-friend; through friendship and love she is devoted to him. From the point of view of power dynamics, this kind of wife could arguably be labelled an equal;
4. The slave-wife (dasisama or dasibhariya - note that dasi in Pali appears to mean “slave-woman” or “slave-servant”. Alternate translations include “slave-like wife”, “handmaid-wife” and “maid-wife”) – she is calm, patient and obeys her husband in all ways (although we can assume that this does not include breaking any of the five precepts?). She submits to harsh words from her husband, and even accepts any “punishment” that may be delivered by him. Unquestionably, this kind of wife is submissive to her husband.