User:SMcCandlish/Incubator/Lucy and the Pool Hustler

Cast

• Lucille Ball
• Gale Gordon
• Guest starring Dick Shawn
• Prod. Tommy Thompson
• Exec. Prod. Gary Morton
• Written by Bob O'Brien and Sam Locke & Joel Rapp
• Dir. Jack Donohue
• Also co-starring: Stanley Adams, Herbie Faye

Plot

Mr. Norton (played by Stanley Adams), owner of Norton's Pool Room, behaves shiftily in a fedora, and pretends briefly to be robbing the bank at which Lucy Carmichael (Lucille Ball) works. She doesn't find it very funny. Lucy observes that he's making the biggest bank deposit in quite some time and asks about business. Mr. Norton says he's remodelled, and renamed the Business Norton's Ball and Cue Salon, and that the idea is "to get ladies into shooting pocket billiards", a fancy term for pool. Lucy says that her father owned a table and made her play until she got tired of the game. Norton gives her a stack of complimentary tickets for free lunch as well as pool, to which Mr. Mooney (Gale Gordon), the bank manager, helps himself without asking, having overheard "complimentary tickets". Lucy hands the rest of them out to coworkers, mostly women.

Lucy has lunch at the renewed establishment with Mooney. Lucy doesn't want to play, saying she doesn't like the game, but Mooney insists because it's part of the complimentary package, asking "How can you not like anything that's free?" Mooney observes, "Pocket billiards is a very fine sport", and proposes to wager on the game, but says: "Well, now, I'll be fair. Since you're a girl, we'll only play for, oh, two dollars." He proceeds to lag for the break, adding "I'll show you how it's done." This attitude getting on Lucy's nerves, she becomes suddenly serious, chalking her cue tip, and examining the cue for straightness, taking deliberative practice strokes. Mooney's expression changes to one of comical worry. Lucy wins the lag by a wide margin, and calls "15 ball in the corner pocket" before breaking, then makes the called shot, to the glee of the other ladies from the bank. Mooney whines "I thought you didn't know how to play!" Lucy suggests this is why he only wanted to bet two dollars, and continues to shoot. Mooney suddenly "remembers" that he has an urgent appointment and runs out.

The ladies suggest Lucy is good enough for an upcoming ladies-only tournament, sponsored by pool table equipment manufacturer, with a $1,000 prize (in 1967, this was the equivalent of over $7,000 in modern US dollars).

US Army Staff Sergeant "Ace" Winthrop (played by Dick Shawn), a former regular at the pool hall, arrives at the hall in his army uniform, on furlough, and learns that his pool cue has been put on display because he's something of a local legend, and also learns of all the remodeling changes. He runs into Lucy, is surprised she's a customer, and flirts with her. He is shortly thereafter dismayed at the floral décor, colorful pool table cloth, and overwhelmingly female clientele. Norton tells him that business has never been better "since the dames took over". Ace laments that it will take away his "pigeons" and destroy his livelihood, as he is a professional pool hustler. Norton tells him "We don't get that kind of action in here any more, Ace. No more hustling." Norton then reminds Ace that he owes the establishment about $1,000. Ace notices the upcoming tournament, but is told it's for women only. Ace says "First time in my life I ever wanted to be a dame." This gives Norton and his business partners the idea to convince Ace to dress in drag and compete in the tournament as a woman, "Laura".

Back at the bank, several days later, the office workers are excited that Lucy has been winning her tournament matches over the course of the week, and has no one left to face but "Laura" Winthrop. Norton shows up, disingenuously suggesting Lucy is the better player and offering to take bets on her match against "Laura". Some of Lucy's coworkers bet their entire week's salaries, while Mr. Mooney bets a paltry ten cents, wanting "a piece of the action", he says.

At the pool hall, Lucy arrives for her final match, dressed in a plain and practical outfit. Winthrop emerges in a huge wig and sequined getup. Lucy remarks "she's a big one", and Mooney, apparently attracted to "her", muses that Winthrop is "so earthy". Winthrop has difficulty walking in high heels, and becomes nervous as Mooney flirts so pointedly that Lucy takes Mooney aside as asks him how his wife is. After both players make trick lag shots (Wintrop behind his back, and Lucy using the butt of the cue, Lucy wins the lag, calls a shot, breaks, and makes the shot, then another, cheered on by her officemates. After a missed shot, Winthrop goes to shoot, and in a scene surprisingly suggestive for this era, finds that Mooney has ahold Winthrop's cue, with the shaft of it coming forward from the area of his groin. Winthrop takes it from him with obvious distaste, glares as him, and then pats him on the face hard enough to register as a bit of a slap. Winthrop calls a shot in a mumbling, high falsetto voice, and changes position after noticing Mooney staring at "her" backside, and later blows hand talc in Mooney's face, then almost falls down in the heels, but consistently makes called shots.

With only one remaining point to win the game, Winthrop overhears Lucy lamenting about the impending loss of the prize money, and announces a virtually impossible shot instead of the obvious easy one, and naturally misses it, then winks pointedly at Lucy. Norton and a partner demand Winthrop stop grandstanding, and win the money to pay them back, while Winthrop simply says he likes a little competition. Lucy misses, and Winthrop comes back to the table, but a lampstand pulls off his wig. Lucy finally recognizes her opponent as Ace. Mooney, shocked, calls Winthrop an imposter, while the game is declared a win-by-default for Lucy. Ace tells Mooney sarcastically, "It could've been so beautiful." Norton and his crew remind Winthrop he still owes them, and storm off.

Flirting and jokes renew between Lucy and Ace when they're alone, and after he asks her out again, she insists on taking him to dinner after he changes clothes, since she just won the $1,000.