Tsop

Kayleigh's Half-eaten Cupcake

Kayleigh's Half-eaten Cupcake was a cupcake that Stian bought allegedly with the intention of delivering it to Kayleigh as a birthday gift. Lacking a car, and feeling hungry, the cupcake was partially devoured, leaving what some have interpreted as a cupcake that was 'half-eaten', while the traditional Marxist interpretation is that it was "completely eaten".

History

The cup-cake was bought at the Foodtown in Newmarket supermaket for $1.35. It was chocolate-flavoured and had a pale yellow cup base that was partially transparent. Transportation of the cup-cake took approximately 3 minutes, covering the some 700 metres between its place of purchase and where it was later to be devoured. On arrival at home Stian agonised over whether or not to eat the cup-cake for some 40 seconds. 9 seconds later the cup-cake was mostly gone. It is now housed in a makeshift mausoleum, where well-wishers may view the remnants, light candles and leave flowers.

Claims of Inaccuracy

It has been put forward that there are certain contradictions in Stian's account, which has resulted in a number of commentators questioning whether the cup-cake was in fact an actual sugared-object of sweet chocolate goodness, or rather, a fictional account designed to give the impression that Stian is more caring than he actually is. Critics note that cup-cakes at Foodtown generally have a brownish paper which is completely opaque, and that they generally retail for around $2.00, not the $1.35 as was claimed. Stian has denied all accusations, responding with a tersely worded press release, "It was a Sunday, maybe they do things differently on Sundays, okay?" Nevertheless, a significant number of theorists have interpreted the account as largely allegorical, leading to a strong undercurrent in academic thought that considers the cup-cake as largely a symbolic entity. Such a viewpoint was advanced by Albert Klienenfaur at the 39th Sypmosium on Symbological Interperetation: "The question need not be, 'Did the cup-cake exist?', but rather: 'Would the cup-cake have wanted to exist?' It is entirely possible that the most convincing answer can be found in its supposed demise -is it logical to understand devourance as non-existence, or rather, should we perhaps consider the devourance as a process of re-existence -what is traditionally termed 'transubstantiation.' In such a manner we can see that if a cup-cake ever has existed it still does to this day. If it did not, then it is incorrect to make positive claims about the existence of a physically non-present object."

Thesis of Ontological Ambiguety

The inability to reconcile the claims of fraud with what supporters claim is concrete evidence has led to a the establishment of a 'Third Way' theory, which claims that we will never be able to ascertain whether the cup-cake did indeed exist. Stian, the intial source of the claim that he had purchased a cup-cake as a present for Kayleigh on her birthday before eating it was reportedly miffed: "I don't see what the big deal is. I bought a cup-cake. I ate it. I even have the remains on my desk. See, look at all those crumbs." Despite such historical evidence, which the Cup-cake Denialists claim could have come from any cup-cake, it seems that the issue will continue to smolder in academic journals and the rapidly flourshing cup-cake discussion groups.

Ritualistic Significance of Cup-cake Devourance

Cup cakes taste nice. Therefore people eat them