AWimbishFall2019

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Hello, AWimbishFall2019, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:45, 23 September 2019 (UTC)

Response 11/21

Hi! Here are my notes:

• Since this does deal with health and medicine, I would like you to take this training module on editing in this topic area. You are approaching this from a historical perspective, however it looks like there is some content that could potentially go into the areas where it's necessary to take the guidelines on medical sourcing into perspective.

• This needs in-line citations, as it's difficult to tell what is backing up which claim.

• Avoid making subjective or point of view statements such as "it's easy to see". Not only does this presume something of the reader, but it's also subjective since what's easy to one may not be to another - or someone could disagree entirely with the statement.

• You also want to avoid writing a reflection or response to the topic, as this passes into original research territory. We can only summarize what has been explicitly stated about the topic - the content shouldn't persuade the reader to see things in a certain light.

I'm not entirely sure where this is going to go, so I can't give you much more than this - is it meant to be a new article or will it be placed in an article?

I think that you have good information here, but it's important to make sure that it's written neutrally and only summarizes the source material. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:34, 21 November 2019 (UTC)

I agree with all the points made by my colleague above. Additionally, in writing Wikipedia articles, you'll want to:

• Avoid using second-person perspective ("we as a society move from past traditional values towards a modern better society - it’s why women are no longer forced to stay home-bound and uneducated and why we no longer see cigarettes as healthy. We collectively move towards what is best for the people in our society"). Also avoid first person perspective ("I , for one, will always be on the side of the latter"). You are inserting your personal feelings into the content, which is not considered neutral.
• You are using language that is non-neutral and full of words to watch. Consider this section:

  The fight is long from over , however with Superman on our side and so many advocating the righteous fight towards cures for diseases that many of us across the nation have lost loved ones to, we have a fighting chance. Let naysayers call it crazy, let them label us delinquent, let them call saving lives immoral; but for us, this fight is urgent, this fight is personal and we will be heard."

• This is coming across as a "call to arms", not as an encyclopedia article. This whole chunk could be replaced with "Stem cell research remains controversial in the US.[citation]"

Let me know if you'd like more feedback once you've made some changes. Thanks, Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:57, 22 November 2019 (UTC)