Achimekatisdale
| This user is a student editor in Mills_College/American_Indian_and_Pacific_Islander_Women_(Fall_2018) . |
Welcome!
editHello, Achimekatisdale, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:37, 5 September 2018 (UTC)
Article move
editHi! Sorry for the late reply, but it looks like you were able to move the article. It's been tagged with some issues for cleanup by Rosguill and Jmertel23, so I thought I'd go through them and explain what the editors' rationales may have been.
- One of the tags was for sourcing, which looks to be because the article doesn't have many sources and of those, many look to be primary. Be careful of sourcing, as things like this bio on a book she contributed to is considered a primary source. While it can be used to back up basic information, you should also have coverage of Barker in independent and reliable sources as well. The Social Text source is fine as a notability giving source, so more of this would be good.
- You included a lot of hotlinks to Barker's works in the article. Hotlinks within articles are generally discouraged because they can be pretty disruptive and because depending on what they are, can also come across as kind of promotional, as in the case of Smashwords. In other situations, the hotlinks can be turned into a single link in the external links section, as in the case of Barker's works at Academia.edu - a link to her page on the site in the external link section would do the trick. I've done this with both this site and with Vimeo. In general, the only place that should have hotlinks is the external links section. When it is in the body of an article, hotlinks should be done very sparingly. You can see WP:ELLIST for more information.
- Finally, the last note was about grammar, style, cohesion, tone, or spelling. It looks like this may have been because some parts of the article come across as a little non-neutral. It can honestly be a little hard at first getting used to Wikipedia's style at first, since it's so different than what we use in our daily and academic lives. It certainly took me a while to get used to it! Essentially, you want to make sure that you're not getting into too much of a storytelling/narrative flow with things. Wikipedia isn't exactly just cut and dry bare facts, but it can seem like that at first when getting used to the style. Most of this is going to be tweaking the writing to get it to better fit Wikipedia's style. Here's an example with the activism section. It looked like this originally:
- Through both her scholarship and her activism, Barker draws connections between the oppression of Native American communities in the United States of America and Palestinians. In 2014, Barker participated in a delegation trip to Israel. When reflecting on this trip, Barker stated that, "“Khaled [referring to Leila Khaled, a Palestinian activist] defined solidarity as a strategy of connecting struggles of the people in the U.S. against U.S. imperialism and colonialism to the struggles of Palestinians against Israel. This point has stayed with me every day on and since the delegation, as I have listened and thought about the historical connections of Native peoples in the U.S. to the indigenous people of Palestine."
- Some of the other social justice movements that Barker is involved in are: cultural repatriation rights, environmental issues, human rights, and anti-war politics.[1] In regards to environmental issues, Barker was doing work around energy policies and conservation issues in relation to indigenous tribes in California.[3]
- Joanne Barker has an active blog, Tequila Sovereign. On her blog she discusses current events (such as the Kavannaugh hearings, her response to the 2016 U.S. presidential election), her scholarship (such as excerpts from her published work), and her artwork.
- Here's how I'd re-write it:
- In her work as an advocate for Native Americans, Barker has drawn connections between the oppression of Native American communities in the United States of America and Palestinians. She began drawing parallels between the two groups of peoples after a 2014 delegation trip to Israel, where Palestinian activist Leila Khaled "defined solidarity as a strategy of connecting struggles of the people in the U.S. against U.S. imperialism and colonialism to the struggles of Palestinians against Israel".
- Barker also advocates for cultural repatriation rights, human rights, anti-war politics, and environmental issues. With environmental issues, Barker specifically focused on energy policies and conservation issues in relation to indigenous tribes in California. She covers some of her advocacy in her blog, Tequila Soverign, where she also discusses current events, her scholarships, and artwork.
- For the most part, this is the same. I've just abbreviated some of this, as in the case of the Leila Khaled. We don't need as big of a quote as there is currently, as we can get the point across more by summarizing what's in it and using a smaller quote. I also tweaked the second paragraph around (although admittedly that was fine as it was) and I removed the expanded content when discussing her blog and gave it a more specific connection to her activism. There's not really a huge need to elaborate on what each part of her blog covers as far as current topics and scholarship goes, especially as this may change over time. You can use this if you like and tweak it as needed, of course.
I hope this helps! I've tagged the other editors in this in case they may have further comments. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 02:31, 14 November 2018 (UTC)
more feedback
editHi, thanks for creating Joanne Barker. However, the article has some issues that I hope you will continue to work on. One issue is that you have introduced uncited information. All content added to Wikipedia needs to be cited. It is an especially large red flag when 1) a section has no citations; 2) a paragraph ends without a citation; 3) a section ends without citations. Every single sentence should be cited--if two or more consecutive sentences are supported by the citation, than it is acceptable to have the citation listed once at the end of the consecutive sentences.
Another issue is your lead. The lead paragraph should summarize the content of the article. Nothing should be present in the lead that isn't also present in the body of the article. I hope you will take the time to clean up your work to comply with Wikipedia policies. Thanks, Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 22:38, 10 December 2018 (UTC)