Ahugebox

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We hope you like it here and encourage you to stay even after your assignment is finished! Jauerback^dude?/_dude. 18:14, 11 September 2018 (UTC)

Welcome!

Hello, Ahugebox, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 13:28, 12 September 2018 (UTC)

Notes

Hi! This looks good so far, I only have a few notes:

• Some of the claims need to be backed up with sources. I've marked the ones who need to be sourced. I got the impression that it's likely sourced by the Vince Gotera or M. Evelina Galang sources, but wasn't sure since they were paywalled. All you need to do here is just add the citation to the end of the sentences. You should also attribute the claims to the person(s) making them, so it doesn't come across as your own viewpoint. I've tagged the specific one I'm thinking of.

• One of the sources, specifically the ProQuest one, needs to be updated to show which news outlet the story was published in - all you need to do is change the name from ProQuest to the newspaper or media outlet name.

• The image needs to be changed to one of Carbo, if one is available. Offhand there doesn't seem to be one, so I'd just leave it without an image.

Other than that, my only note is to continue looking for sources to help flesh out the article further. Some things to check out is this book and this one. These are reviews for the books, but they came up in a search on JSTOR for Carbo so they may be worth checking out if your library has them. This looks to be ready to be moved live for the most part, when you're ready. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:11, 14 November 2018 (UTC)

Thanks Shalor! A few questions:

Thanks for the input! I'll get into doing proper citations. Some of the language doesn't seem objective. I think my passion for his poetry is showing through the text, but that's not good for encyclopedia entries.

I asked Carbo if I could have an image of him over Facebook, and he actually offered several. The image rules for Commons are pretty strict, and I'd like to do them proper. Do you think I should ask him to upload it to Commons as its his image (like a selfie he took)?

File:Nick Carbo, headshot.jpg

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Replaceable fair use File:Nick Carbo, headshot.jpg

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Orphaned non-free image File:Nick Carbo, headshot.jpg

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Article notes

Hi! I wanted to give you some final feedback on your article/draft. I've had someone voice concern that the article was too non-neutral and was kind of promotional, so that's definitely something that needs to be fixed.

• Make sure that you are careful to avoid promotional and non-neutral prose. For example, the phrase "well celebrated by his contemporaries" can be seen as a non-neutral blanket statement since it implies that everyone in his field thinks well of him and holds him in prestige. IT would be better to specify something along the lines of "Carbó has received several awards and honors for his work" since that would be more of a direct statement of fact. There's also that this was sourced with a single source, so for a blanket statement there would need to be quite a few sources that specifically state this.

The same goes for the sentence "Carbó's efforts to create both a Filipino and Filipino-American literary genre has established him as a major influence among his peers.". This is another blanket statement and one that will probably be subjective for the reader and for Carbó's peers - not everyone may view him as a major influence or even an influence at all, for example. These are very major claims and unless they're explicitly stated in the source material, will be seen as original research and an inflation of Carbó's actual influence and career. I'm not saying that it's impossible, but it's really important that we only include what is specifically stated in the source material and with major claims like the ones here, that they're carefully phrased and attributed to the person making them. Keep in mind that even with academic and scholarly sources, there is the potential for the author to "promote" the person they're writing about, so it's vital to make sure that we get the "meat" (ie main points) of the piece without including any potential playing up of details. It's not as common in this sourcing as in popular press pieces, but it's still potentially going to appear.

• I would like for you to review this list of words and phrases to watch out for. Be careful, as there are many words and phrases that are benign outside of Wikipedia that are seen as too casual or non-neutral once they're in an article. One example of a phrase that is often seen as non-neutral on Wikipedia is "passion for", since it's often used in marketing and PR. One word that was used in your article was the word 'famous', which is both inherently non-neutral and would be subjective to the reader as famous for one may not be for another.

• The phrase "Despite his elite American upbringing" is a little wonky for a few reasons. The first is that his upbringing wouldn't have really been solely American per se, as he was raised in the Philippines. Unless he was in an area where the culture was almost solely American, his parents were American, or his parents tried to give him an American upbringing, it's likely that his upbringing would have as much of a Filipino influence as American in many ways. It would be better to describe his upbringing as international in this situation, to be honest. However that said, the sentence comes across as a little unintentionally biased, as it implies several things: the first is that an American upbringing would be elite as opposed to say, a Filipino upbringing, the second is that this type of upbringing would preclude someone from watching regular television shows. I know that this wasn't your intention and that the intent was instead to show that his upbringing had a large American influence and that he enjoyed regular television despite people (presumably) trying to expose him to more high brow fare. With something like this, it would be better to just state that he watched these television shows and if there was opposition to him watching them, state something like "Carbó enjoyed local Tagalog TV shows such as John en Marsha, Iskol Bukol, and Uncle Bob's Lucky Seven Club, despite his parents preferring that he watch X or Y." If this ended up being a larger influence on his writing, you could state something like "Local Tagalog TV shows such as John en Marsha, Iskol Bukol, and Uncle Bob's Lucky Seven Club would later influence his writing."

• While the article shouldn't be bare bones, keep in mind that this is meant to just be a general overview. Make sure that you don't have any extraneous details and that everything is sourced with a reliable source (ideally independent and secondary) that would justify it being in the article.

Let me know if you have any questions! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:37, 14 December 2018 (UTC)

Thanks Shalor!

I'll work on it again!Ahugebox (talk) 03:53, 17 December 2018 (UTC)

All of my original work was sourced. Proud that I was finished, I sent the subject a link to say "Hey, look at this!" and did not have the foresight to think he would edit it. I am sorry and if this discredits my work, I understand. If it is okay to continue, I will redouble my efforts to make sure everything is sourced.

As a result of Carbo editing my sandbox page, another user has deleted the page. I have asked him if I can recreate it. If he says no, should I migrate my work to a different page?

Thank you for the feedback! My response earlier was cut short because I wrote it mid-League game. Thank you for the link to the manual of style; I definitely tread on a few of those rules unconsciously and I'll avoid the pro-Carbo tone of the article.

Ahugebox (talk) 04:24, 17 December 2018 (UTC)