Aliguckes
| This user is a student editor in The_George_Washington_University/Embodied_Inequality-Rhetoric_of_Race_and_Racism_(Fall_2018) . |
Welcome!
editHello, Aliguckes, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:12, 30 August 2018 (UTC)
Peer Review
editHi! To begin, I believe you addition to the intro is very good, it centers the topic of discussion while overviewing it briefly.
Within your intro, two sentences confuse me in terms of their meaning. This sentence: "In America, racism consists of stereotypes mainly that are political and economic." I dont really understand what you are trying to say. Perhaps that stereotypes have political and economic results? But I'm just not understanding how a stereotype could be political in and of itself. Second, "There are various specific diseases that are more present among various races as well as different means for life expectancy." I think it would be more considerate to word it "There are various diseases that are more prevalent among some races than others, as well as life expectancy being tied to race." It seems wikipedia articles are supposed to be to the point so just focus on being super clear.
Your introduction of diabetes & sickle cell was great, your source reliable as well. I think it's important to add the specifics of the diseases you mentioned earlier, as you did!
The way that you prevent the statistical information from studies is very good – you don't seek to give an opinion you just lay out the facts and figures for the reader to interpret on their own *very important for Wikipedia *!
Another suggestion would be elaborating on the new section you added about racism towards healthcare professionals. Usually an article about race & racism is patient only but I think you added an interesting account of it happening the other way around, which is definitely important knowledge to have on this topic. Consider expanding your discussion, possibly citing national surveys or something general/ government related and reliable.
Try to also stray away from independent scientific research for citing some of your facts because these can be seen as independent findings and occurrences and not completely represenattive of the best information on the topic.
Gi4444 (talk) 23:22, 21 October 2018 (UTC) Gianna