User talk:Ana22gb/sandbox

Prof Garcia's Comments

Week 2

Well done this week, Anna! You provided a lot of depth in your answers and gave the Austin Roe article page a great examination. Keep up the great work throughout the term and you will do well in this course! Alfgarciamora (talk) 19:35, 30 January 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review Comments

Week 6 (Brian)

@Ana22gb: it seems like you and your article are on the right track! I suggest you go over Barnave's lead section since it could be a little more specific. As for the insight you provided this week it seems that you are providing clear information that is neutral and straight to the point.

• I think you should title the section "Thoughts for Economic Advancement" something more along the lines of "Barnave's ideas on Economic Advancement"
• The Decree on Land section seems well done. The only thing that I would suggest searching for how many livres could be gained or at least adding some sort of statistic to demonstrate how his idea of usage for the land was beneficial.
• I suggest you try rewording "Barnave was one of the men to advice the King" as it does not sound too encyclopedic. Additionally, you should specify which King you are speaking of. Other than that the ideas portrayed in the "End of Feudalism and Taxation on the Nobility" portion are well written.
• I noticed that there are points that you speak as if Barnave were still alive. You need to make sure you avoid "He opposes discrimination," "he advocates," etc. I suggest you take a look at your writing and make sure that you write in the proper tense.
• In the "From Violence to Compromise" section you mention Louis XVI I suggest you hyperlink his name in order to have readers redirected there if they want to learn more about him.

If you have questions feel free to reach out - BCeba002 (talk) 03:18, 27 February 2017 (UTC)

@BCeba002: thank you for the feedback. I will definitely rename the titles and check on my tense. I will also work on making tone more encyclopedic. Ana22gb (talk) 22:16, 1 March 2017 (UTC)

@BCeba002: I have corrected and implemented the recommendations you made. However, I have not changed the lead section as I believe it highlights the opinions and experiences significant to Antoine Barnave. I added statistic, hyperlinks, and changed the title of the economic section. In addition, I fixed vocabulary and grammatical structure to make wording have a more encyclopedic tone. Ana22gb (talk) 02:15, 6 March 2017 (UTC)

Peer Review: Week 6 - Article's Draft

Hello @Ana22gb:,

After going over your draft, I noticed that you have not cited enough sources for the amount of information you are providing. I have the same issue with Barnave's article page: I believe the article needs to have citations added all throughout. There is definitely a lack of citations. Also, the way you presented the information is similar to the way you would write an essay, rather than having an encyclopedic tone to it. Nonetheless, I do like the topics you want to add to your characters page. I believe it is all very relevant. In addition, the few sources you chose to use seem to be reliable, which adds to your article. However, you have to be careful with the way you present and introduce the information. Try to be as clear and assertive as possible. Apart from that, I believe you have done a great job so far. Keep up the good work! Iarbi002 (talk) 03:18, 27 February 2017 (UTC)

@Ana22gb: I think that Iarbi002 has a very good point: please revise your writing so that it is more encyclopedic and less essayist in style. Alfgarciamora (talk) 14:18, 28 February 2017 (UTC)

@Iarbi002: thank you for the feedback. I will definitely go back and revise the tone; I will assure it sounds encyclopedic.

Ana22gb (talk) 22:16, 1 March 2017 (UTC)

@Iarbi002: I have concluded my revisions based on your comments, especially about changing certain words and grammatical structure to make the tone sound more encyclopedic. I added more citations as well as specified some points. I have attempted to use diction that sound more assertive.

Ana22gb (talk) 02:30, 6 March 2017 (UTC)

Week 8

You have done such a SUPERB job, Ana22gb!!! What you have added is incredible! Well done with your research! I think you can consider yourself done with the research and writing. Now you just have to flesh out the kinks. In the next few weeks, I would like for you to (1) add as many citations as you can to your sentences and (2) change your writing style so that it is more encyclopedic and less narrative in style. You might have to cut out lots of text in order to make it short, sweet, and to the point, but that is fine. Remember that it is not quantity that I am grading on but rather quality. You have done an amazing job, however, so I commend you for your excellent work! Alfgarciamora (talk) 17:24, 20 March 2017 (UTC)

Thank you Alfgarciamora! I have been struggling with making the tone sound encyclopedic, but I will definitely work on it. I also have a few other sources I used, so I can add those there as well. Thank you again Professor Garcia for the comments and suggestions.

Ana22gb (talk) 23:23, 20 March 2017 (UTC)

Ah, I can understand that, Ana22gb. One thing you can do is to ask somebody to read over your work. Another thing you can do is to read another Wikipedia article that is excellent and then see what makes it so encyclopedic. And one final thing you can do is to ask the Wikipedia people to look over your work and offer suggestions. yes, please put in those other sources you have. Well done, again! Alfgarciamora (talk) 18:16, 21 March 2017 (UTC)