User talk:Asiawilcox/sandbox

Comments on the Outline from Rosie:

Wow, you've done an excellent job! Here are a few suggestions:

The use of the quote in the lead section ('the lands and their resources continue to be the traditional territory of First Nations') is awkward. Maybe you could instead paraphrase it, or say something like 'various First Nations groups view it as part of their traditional territory'. (This would require changing the next sentence too.

There are lots of great photos on this page (http://www.angelfire.com/bc3/ca2/bamberton.html), and the Back button gets you an email address where you might ask for permission to use one of them.

You should mention and link to the adjacent Bamberton Provincial Park

Rosieredfield (talk) 00:49, 6 February 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Ruth This does look good. Well done! You also look like you have some good references you will use. If you decide to use any more, just make sure they are reliable as this could be a slightly controversial topic. RuthVancouver (talk) 01:56, 7 February 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review from Alexa Laidlaw

Very interesting article! Great work!

Overall organizations and content:

• logical order of ideas and content
• Great job of keeping the point of view neutral – especially in the LNG section. You do a good job of stating opinions and views from both sides of the controversy.
• There are a few things that I felt like were missing or require a bit more explaining:

      * You mention that other First Nations groups still believe they have claim to the land in the lead paragraph, but do not elaborate on this further in the body of the article. After reading the lead, I expected there to be more about this. Either remove this from the lead, or add something later in the article that explains why other First Nations groups feel they have rights to the land and who these groups are. 
      * Useful to include the date or year that the Bamberton Properties was sold to the Malahat in the “1982-2015” section
      * Add a year to “September 1st” and “October” in the LNG section
      * Where is “Cherry Point”?

• It looks like you have some good plans for the external links. Just need to link them in!
• It looks like a lot of your references are from online newspapers and LNG company websites. There is some great information there, but having a few more reliable sources will make your article more impactful and trustworthy. A good source to check out is Ghost Towns & Mining Camps of Vancouver Island by Thomas William Paterson https://books.google.ca/books?hl=en&lr=&id=OCUlDDBTU8sC&oi=fnd&pg=PA27&dq=bamberton&ots=vlKFGD8FRr&sig=I56DTvDWkhOZtedCJTF_iR498oI#v=onepage&q=bamberton&f=false (page 11-15)
• You’ve missed Rosie’s suggestion about adding images. Have you looked into getting permission to use those images?

Integration with other Wikipedia pages:

• You’ve done a great job of linking to existing Wikipedia pages! Here are a few more that may be useful to add:

       * Victoria (lead paragraph)
       * Vancouver Island (lead paragraph)
       * Malahat First Nation to Wiki Page the first time you mention it (in the lead paragraph)
       * Indian Reserves (in the history section) 
       * Butchart Gardens  (Cement section)
       * Sumas, Washington (LNG section)
       * World War I (Cement section)
       * Empress hotel – which one? Either explain or link to a Wiki page for it (Cement section)

• It looks like there are 50 or so appropriate existing pages that link to the original page for “Bamberton”. That’s fantastic! Just make sure that these are conserved when you move your edits to the mainspace.

Standard Wikipedia layout and organization:

• Lead section is present and a good summary of the article. You may want to add something about the LNG proposal as this is a main topic in the article
• Section heading is missing for “References”. I would suggest changing the “1982-2015” subheading to “Residential Development” as this is what you discuss in the section. I think it fits better with the heading “Ownership and Development” and the “LNG Proposal” subheading as you discussing issues more than you are discussing timelines.
• I think you could also move the first paragraph of the “LNG Proposal” section about the Malahat First Nation acquisition of Bamberton into its own section. You could call it “Malahat Ownership” or something like that. It would fit well under the “Ownership & Development” section heading, and tie the residential development and LNG proposal sections together well.
• Table of Contents is present. I am sure the References label will show up once you add it as section heading. Also, the "Cement" heading is bold in the table of contents. It looks like the heading in the body of the article is in a different font. Maybe this is why it is showing up this why in the table of contents. try making all of your headings in the body a consistent font.
• No infobox present. It would be a good inclusion. You could have a map with the location of Bamberton on it. Information in the infobox could include: coordinates, size, country and province location, government/ownership, and population size
• Reference section is present, but not labelled. References are only listed once.

Writing quality:

• There are a few grammatical errors:

      * “Since the plant closed ownership of Bamberton…” – add comma between closed and ownership
      * “…privately owned various First Nations…” – add comma between owned and various
      * “…owns Bamberton other First Nations…” – add comma between Bamberton and First 
      * “…lead the company to construct…” – change “lead” to “led”
      * The project met criticism regarding environmental impact on the Saanich Inlet, and water supply and traffic concerns due to the size” is an awkward sentence. You could change it to “The project met criticism regarding environmental impact on the Saanich Inlet. Its large size raised concerns over traffic and water supply.”

• There are a few technical terms that need explaining as well:

     * What is a “Mutual Benefits Agreement”?
     * What are “pension fund backers”?

Illustrations:

• You need to find some illustrations or images for this page. It looks like Rosie gave a great suggestion on where to obtain some. Have you looked into getting permission to use some of these?
• I see there is a map of the “cities of Vancouver Island” on the original Bamberton Wiki page. Perhaps you could all a label of the location of Bamberton to this map.

Alaidlaw (talk) 19:57, 13 March 2016 (UTC)

Peer review by Jesse Hino

Organization & Content:

- the content is in logical order:

- the neutral point of view is well kept:

- there is some details or explanations missing:

- seems like you have good external links, just make sure to link them ASAP:

- seem to have a good amount of references but maybe try to get a couple more primary sources (such as from google scholar or EBSCO host:

- Make sure to add pictures as Rosie has mentioned and add more reliable sources as Ruth mentioned.

Integration with other Wikipedia pages:

- you have a good start on the external links, just make sure you link them

- seems that the page is linked to 50 wiki pages already so make sure these stay on the mainpage and maybe add a few more for your external links

Standard Wikipedia layout and organization:

- the lead seems good it provides and clear summary of the page.

- make sure you add a reference section but other than that the sections seems good and logical

- good table of content but also add reference section

- right now you dont have an info box but it could be a good addition to the page. on the original page theres a map that you could use for the info box, just add some more facts and it could be useful.

- you have a good reference section already just make sure to make a title for it!!

Writing quality:

- There is some grammar errors, make sure to reread to fix up some of the grammar errors:

- technical terms that need explanation: if you dont want to explain the technical terms then at least link them to another page.

Illustrations:

- there are no illustrations now so add some. make sure you ask for the permissions from the site that Rosie mentioned above

- maybe add a map of the locations

- seems that you have some ideas for pictures already so just make sure to give captions when you get the pictures.

Peer Review from Siaw Yee Chew

Overall organization and content

The overall organization looks good for a draft page. Check to make sure all the conversations you have with your partner are deleted when you post it onto the existing Bamberton page. There are appropriate headings and subheadings for the page that presents the information in a logical order. I like the timeline and history of events. Instead of having a "History Pre Bamberton" title, you could make it consistent with the "Cement: 1912-1980" title and retitle that section "Pre Bamberton: year-year" because saying history again under the "History" heading is redundant. The point of view is neutral and the information is factual and not biased towards a certain opinion, which is good. The first sentence in the section under "Cement: 1912-1980" is word for word of the second paragraph in the existing Bamberton page. Also, the first paragraph in your sandbox about Bamberton is almost exactly what is written on the existing page. Just make sure when you are transitioning your work to the existing page, that you don't repeat what is already written (including information that you paraphrased). Good explanation of why you are including the External Links at the bottom of your page, but those are already existing on the Bamberton page - try to include another one that you have found on your own. You have a great list of references from government sources. Try to include a peer reviewed article if possible (check your existing references to see if they have used any good articles). Comments from Rosie and Ruth have been addressed for the most part as you have lots of references and have included a link to Bamberton Provincial Park. But have you contacted the website that Rosie linked with illustrations of Bamberton? Seems like there are lots of photos to use from there, although you have not included any yet.

Integration with other Wikipedia pages

You have appropriate links to existing Wikipedia pages in some sections. "Cement:1912-1980" and "LNG Proposal" have no links to existing pages, so you could look into linking key words or locations so readers can refer to outside pages if they are not familiar with the information. For example, you could link LNG to an existing page because that is a major concept that not everyone understands and you talk about it quite extensively in your article. What is the Mutual Benefits Agreement? Could include a link to a page or external link. Once you have transferred your information to the main Bamberton page, make sure you go to the pages you have listed and link your article to those pages.

Standard Wikipedia page layout and organization

Your Lead summary section is almost exactly what is written on the existing Bamberton page. Make sure you integrate your information with the existing page by not replicating what has been said. The Bamberton page already has some of the information that you have in your sandbox, so you will have to reorganize the whole page while maintaining what is there already. Perhaps you could include the references you have used and insert it to the existing information as well. You could put the "1982-2015" section under the "History" heading and make "LNG Proposal" its own heading and include subheadings where necessary as that section is quite long. Table of Contents exists and you have good plans to elaborate the Infobox. "References" heading is missing and the reference by Cleverley, Bill is duplicated (2, 9).

Writing quality

Some minor grammatical errors here and there. Include a comma after "1800's," (From the late 1700's to the mid 1800's devastating First Nations population declines...").There is a space missing between McKenna McBride ("In 1913 the McKennaMcBride Commission..."). Sometimes you do not have another period after B.C., so just check to make sure all your abbreviations are consistent.

Illustrations

Be sure to include illustrations and maps to describe the locations you are referring to. Check out the website that Rosie linked (ask for permission) to use the great photos! Check Wikimedia as well for pictures that you can use freely within your article. There may be better maps of the Island that you could use because the existing one on the Bamberton page is quite small. Make sure you include good captions that summarize the picture, but does not replicate the information that you have written in the main article.

Overall, great work! Sychew (talk) 04:56, 23 March 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review from Melanie Mewhort

• I would add the word "about" before 45 kilometers
• I would put commas around "and its employees"
• any specific First Nation groups? maybe list some in the intro because all you say is "First Nations groups view..."
• "Although" instead of "though" at the beginning of a sentence
• comma after "Bamberton" and before "other First Nations"
• not sure if there should be a ' after Nations
• comma after years, ie. "After 1852,..." and "After 1913,..."
• space after McKenna
• your page could use more links to other wiki pages, probably to every location like Victoria, Vancouver Island, Duncan, to companies?
• In-text citations look good
• I would still include the year when you say “September 1st”, and “October” in your LNG Proposal section to clarify that it is in 2015
• 128 km (space in between)
• in the Cement: 1912-1980, I feel that there can be more links to other wiki pages

Overall: Your article length is good and your article is chronologically in the right order. Your references/citations are also well done. It could use more links to other wiki pages and there are a few errors in grammar and punctuation as I listed above. It also needs some illustrations and a map (although there is one on the main Bamberton page, but maybe a more zoomed-in map would be beneficial) Melmew (talk) —Preceding undated comment added 05:26, 23 March 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Rosie

Under History pre-Bamberton: This heading won't be clear to readers. Maybe 'History before the founding of Bamberton'? Can you relate this general history specifically to Bamberton? If true, say that there are no records of the extent of use of this site by First Nations, but given the discussion of First Nations use below, I assume there are.

Under Cement: Line 4: 'the times' is vague. Line 5: '...an additional plant at what is now Bamberton,...' Who did the men dance with in the dance hall? Did families live there or only men? When was the Island Highway built? 20 years after when?

Under 1982-2015: Start by explaining why Bamberton would be a desirable place for residences (and why not too? Explain cleanup cost issue?).

Under LNG: First define this abbreviation (maybe in the heading). And link to the Wikipedia Liquefied natural gas page, and to Steelhead LNG's page.

Links:Yes, to create links TO your page you have to go edit the pages the links come from.

Rosieredfield (talk) 09:34, 28 March 2016 (UTC)

Comments from Ruth

Great page but still needs work. I can see that you plan to write much more. However lenght wise it is fine as it is. The most important job is to finalize what you already have, then you can add more if you have time!

• You can get maps and modify them for Wikipedia from http://www.openstreetmap.org/ if you are going to make a map

• Include what LNG stands for in the title of that section so it shows up in the contents box.

• Obviously you need photos. Are there any relevant ones already on Wikimedia commons?

Many more links needed in the text (if there are Wikipedia articles) including but not limited to:

• Places inc. Victoria, Vancouver Island, Gravesend

• First_Nations

• Companies inc. Vancouver Portland Cement Company, The Trust for Sustainable Development

• .. and lots more.

RuthVancouver (talk) 00:08, 30 March 2016 (UTC)