User talk:Bretsilverglate/sandbox

Proposed Content Changes

I don't understand what this sentence ("It was the first of a long line of sedatives, most notably the barbiturates, manufactured and marketed by the German pharmaceutical industry.[1]") is trying to say. [I.e., is it saying that barbituates are a particularly notable type of sedatives? Were they uniquely manufactured by "the German pharmaceutical industry?" What is the German pharmaceutical industry - which companies were involved, and what time period is being discussed?] AlecWild (talk) 06:40, 6 May 2017 (UTC)

Content to Expand upon

Location in article: "Through experimentation physiologist Claude Bernard clarified that the chloral hydrate was hypnotic as opposed to an analgesic.[3]"

I like that you referenced the historical efforts that led to the classification of this drug's activity, but a brief description of how Chloral Hydrate was determined to be a hypnotic, as opposed to an analgesic, would likely be useful for the article (Unless this is mentioned somewhere else within the body of the article). AlecWild (talk) 06:16, 6 May 2017 (UTC)

What do you mean when you say "among those with means.[1]?" What did it mean for someone to "have means" at the time? If you're able to define this, I would suggest replacing "among those with means" with these qualifications, as "those with means" is unnecessarily vague and not fit for encyclopedic use. AlecWild (talk) 06:27, 6 May 2017 (UTC)

The sentence "In 1871, Pierre-Cyprien Oré began experiments on animals, followed by humans.[6]" is meaningless without a description of what kinds of experiments Oré was performing. (I.e., Talking about how this use of Chloral hydrate as an anaesthetic began with Oré's intravenous trials of chloral hydrate on animals in X year, which led to human trials in Y year] AlecWild (talk) 06:34, 6 May 2017 (UTC)

Peer Edits Part 2

I hope the suggestions help!

History

• The first two sentences seem to jump between varying people and importances. Perhaps smooth the transition better.

• Can you explain this connection better? “promote its use to calm anxiety, especially when it caused insomnia”

• You explain a lot of really good facts, however the general manner in which the sentences are organized seems confusing. For example, you state: “After the 1904 invention of barbital, the first of the barbiturate family, chloral hydrate began to disappear from use among those with means.[1] It remained common in asylums and hospitals until the Second World War, as it was quite cheap.” The first sentence could benefit from the “it was quite cheap” that is only introduced at the end of the second.

Overall

• This is a really comprehensive history section with some great information. If you spend a bit of time cleaning up sentence order and transitions, I believe it will be a model Wikipedia contribution.

Cmedvid (talk) 01:20, 9 June 2017 (UTC)