Chrissietheslp

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Hello, Chrissietheslp, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:11, 12 September 2016 (UTC)

Your submission at Articles for creation: Vocal Cord Dysfunction (October 25)

Your recent article submission to Articles for Creation has been reviewed! Unfortunately, it has not been accepted at this time. The reason left by Robert McClenon was:  The comment the reviewer left was: Please check the submission for any additional comments left by the reviewer. You are encouraged to edit the submission to address the issues raised and resubmit when they have been resolved.

• If you would like to continue working on the submission, go to Draft:Vocal Cord Dysfunction and click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window.
• If you need any assistance, you can ask for help at the Articles for creation help desk or on the reviewer's talk page.
• You can also use Wikipedia's real-time chat help from experienced editors.

Robert McClenon (talk) 01:02, 25 October 2016 (UTC)

Hello! Chrissietheslp, I noticed your article was declined at Articles for Creation, and that can be disappointing. If you are wondering why your article submission was declined, please post a question at the Articles for creation help desk. If you have any other questions about your editing experience, we'd love to help you at the Teahouse, a friendly space on Wikipedia where experienced editors lend a hand to help new editors like yourself! See you there! Robert McClenon (talk) 01:02, 25 October 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review Notes: Great article! You did a great job keeping an objective perspective throughout. Just a few things to consider: make sure every sentence is followed by a citation and instead of saying "one study" (which makes it seem like a primary source was used) use "it's been reported that.." or something along those lines. I was unable to access all the articles but as far as I could tell all the references were appropriate (no primary research studies used). Good balance of sources being cited throughout the article, there was no heavy use of any given source. Great work!Chloe.93 (talk) 02:18, 29 October 2016 (UTC)

A barnstar for you!

	The Original Barnstar
	Constructive and detailed review; nice draft of the article. SCSD639 (talk) 17:27, 31 October 2016 (UTC)

Feedback

As Robert McClenon mentioned above, this can't be created as a new article, but should be used to expand the existing article.

My biggest concern here is that this could be construed as giving medical advice. Only a properly-licensed doctor, with adequate malpractice insurance, should do that. For example, you said:

If VCD is the only condition present, then unnecessary treatment such as asthma or other medications taken to relieve VCD symptoms should be stopped

This could be read as advice to discontinue meds. Someone might read the article, misunderstand what it said, and discontinue their meds. That could lead to a bad outcome. In addition, if someone took your advice and encountered problems, it's not impossible that you could be held liable.

My second concern is the overall tone. You are supposed to be writing for the general public. You shouldn't be speaking about "patients". Don't discuss the literature so much. There's far too much passive voice in your writing. Passive voice isn't necessarily a problem, but too much of it should be a red flag. Remember that you're writing for the general public, not for specialists. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:35, 14 November 2016 (UTC)

Your draft article, Draft:Vocal Cord Dysfunction

Hello, Chrissietheslp. It has been over six months since you last edited your Articles for Creation draft article submission, "Vocal Cord Dysfunction".

In accordance with our policy that Articles for Creation is not for the indefinite hosting of material deemed unsuitable for the encyclopedia mainspace, the draft has been nominated for deletion. If you plan on working on it further, or editing it to address the issues raised if it was declined, simply and remove the {{db-afc}} or {{db-g13}} code.

If your submission has already been deleted by the time you get there, and you wish to retrieve it, you can request its undeletion by following the instructions at this link. An administrator will, in most cases, restore the submission so you can continue to work on it.

Thanks for your submission to Wikipedia, and happy editing. Legacypac (talk) 17:05, 16 June 2017 (UTC)