User talk:Eoddle/sandbox

Marissa's Peer Review of New London Academy Article

The lead section is straight-forward and informative. However, I would add more information so the section functions as an overview of the entire article. Perhaps, add a sentence about the historical importance of the building.

I think your organization is great! One possible suggestion involves the evolution of New London Academy section. This section is a little difficult to read or follow. I might organize it as a bulleted point or add some sentence structure along with the dates.

Also, try to refrain from using "it" as a subject.

One last suggestion would be to not cite Wikipedia, but maybe link to those pages within the article.

Strengths:

• each section is roughly the same length, providing equal balance to your article.
• to my knowledge, all positions and information is represented well and your sources are excellent.
• The article is well-balanced in a neutral position.
• Great job remaining unbiased!

Weaknesses:

• The Siddons source is referenced twice. Also, I believe you have the same citation problem as I did. Your sources referenced within your article start at number three; they should start at 1.
• The content is a little wordy at times, specifically in the first paragraph under history.

Maswope (talk) 22:01, 20 February 2019 (UTC)

Instructor feedback on article draft

I've made some comments and suggestions based on my reading of your article. Take these, along with your peer review, and use them for revising and polishing the draft. You have some great info here and I can see that the final product has great potential.

Consider a more substantial lead paragraph.

A few items for the first paragraph in History: The 17th century is the 1600s. I think you mean 18th century. Good job starting with the charter. Any idea who requested it? Clarify “free public school.” I’m not sure that’s what you want here. Also be careful of anachronistic terms like “accreditation.” You might want to rephrase that sentence. Is there a reason for qualifying the 1797 date as “around”? Specify which public school system (Bedford County?) The last line in the first paragraph seems interesting, but it needs more explanation. Maybe it fits somewhere else?

The bulleted timeline is a nice touch! Make the wording of each point consistent (verb tense, etc.)

I like how you have the history and the structures in separate sections. Clarify the first statement. If the school was established in 1795, why are we talking about an “original” structure in 1837? Enhance the description of the NR building using the nomination form. You’ll find lots of helpful descriptive language there.

Separating out the kitchen is a good move. I would just call it “1797 Kitchen.” That paragraph needs some work, too. You seem to have some good information, but it needs to be clarified and organized.

Consider adding Francis Wayles Eppes (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_W._Eppes) to the list of notable alumni. I'm pretty sure he attended. And check the Siddons book to see if he lists others. Don’t forget to mention Thomas Jefferson and link out to him! My understanding is that he was instrumental in getting the school started, but I'm not sure what source I read that in, probably Siddons.

Good sources. Make full use of the nomination form and the Siddons book. Did you find any additional sources that he used?

Let me know know if you need help or have further questions. dddonald (talk) 16:04, 27 February 2019 (UTC)