User talk:Friarslantern/HomeoIntroDraft
It's pretty good. The first paragraph especially.
At one point you say, "homeopaths believe" -- this is not permissible to say. We can't say what a whole collection of people believe, you can only cite to a particular homeopath or organization which said it believes it. Whig 18:01, 7 October 2007 (UTC)
Comments on the last bit
editThe first part reads very well, I think.
QUOTING : "Many have pointed to meta-analyses which, they contend, confirm the fact that any benefits of taking homeopathic medicine are due to the placebo effect; apparently positive studies of homeopathy have been criticized as being flawed in design. These findings, they say — along with the common practice of homeopaths to proscribe their patients from receiving conventional medical treatments for a given malady while being treated for it with homeopathy — argue for labeling homeopathy as a brand of quackery,[12][13][14] reliance on which could effectively endanger the patient's health."
"confirm the fact that" makes it a fact. I think it should be "show that" or similar.
"apparently positive studies of homeopathy have been criticized as being flawed in design." This is twisted around. How about: "Some apparently positive studies of homeopathy are criticized as being flawed in design." I'm not sure of this. It is just a suggestion.
The last sentence is long and compklicated.
"common practice " is it really common practice?
How about this:
They say that these findings, plus reports of homeopaths advising patients against receiving conventional medical treatments for a given malady while being treated for it with homeopathy, argue for labeling homeopathy as a brand of quackery,[12][13][14] reliance on which could endanger the patient's health."