User talk:Hchc2009/Sandbox4

Notes, suggestions, etc.

• Lead:
  • "Despite numerous peace conferences and treaties no permanent rapprochement was achieved between the men. Henry undertook various legal reforms in both England and Normandy, establishing the basis for the future English Common Law, and reformed the royal finances and currency." the transition here is particularly jarring, any way we can make a better segue?
  • "the powerful divorcee of the French king Louis VII" - she and he didn't get a divorce though - their marriage was annulled.
  • oooh... you know from Stephen that the use of the term "The Anarchy" is ... frowned on! Let's try to NOT use it?
  • "encouraged by first Louis VII and then Philip Augustus" - better to say "encouraged by first Louis VII and then by Louis' son and sucessor Philip Augustus"
  • "In 1173 Henry's first son, the Young Henry" Usually I see it "Henry the Young King" - do you actually have historians using "Young Henry" as title like that?
  • "rebelled in protest at his treatment by Henry" one too many Henry's here - suggest "rebelled in protest at his treatment by his father"
  • Need a bit of "legacy" at the end of the lead - how he's perceived, etc. etc.

I'll keep adding to this as I read the sandbox in bits and pieces - I've still got relatives underfoot for the holidays... Ealdgyth - Talk 03:19, 31 December 2011 (UTC)