User talk:JasperRS/sandbox
Hi Jasper, The article is definitely well developed but I like your idea of of investigating the three roles of social media and how some private information should not be shared. Another interesting thing to look into is how users have used social media to protest the invasion of privacy. A couple of years back, people were posting a statement citing the violation of the Rome Statute (http://www.latimes.com/business/technology/la-fi-tn-facebook-privacy-hoax-worthless-20150929-story.html). It may be worth it to write about how users are fighting back, disregarding whether their methods are effective or not.Ashiu33 (talk) 14:55, 30 March 2017 (UTC)
Instructor Comments
editHi Jasper -- you have a good start here. I have a few questions and suggestions:
1) Did you write your lead section to be the opening of the whole article? I agree that the lead section that is already there is too long and definitely needs work (that's true of the whole article from start to finish), but I'm wondering if you plan to incorporate anything that's already there or just replace it entirely with your introduction?
2) Your first paragraph begins with information that is too general and is repetitive for what is already in place in the article. It is in the last 2 sentences about SNS privacy agreements that you really start getting into it -- but where do you see this fitting in to the article? There is a section on user agreements already in place, perhaps here? Somewhere else? The article is unwieldy and needs significant work in cutting down and reorganizing, so I understand that it is difficult to read and to really figure out where information should go. However, I don't think your paragraphs really stand on their own as an "ethical concerns" section, since ethical concerns are sprinkled all throughout the article already and --
3) -- because the second paragraph you have about the facebook emotion experiment probably belongs more appropriately with the Facebook section that is already there (though perhaps as its own sub-section, as the "friends study" is listed). This section needs more work making explicit how the study relates to privacy concerns.
4) I have included line by line edits to the introduction section below, but the emotion experiment section and the sentences regarding user agreements that you will probably keep also need editing for sentence flow, clarity, and grammar. Please do a detailed read-through on your own and edit as best you can. You also need to incorporate citations throughout the sections in proper Wikipedia style.
Lead Section (2-23-2017):
Since the arrival of early social networking sites in the early 2000’s, online social networking platforms have expanded exponentially, with the biggest names in social media in the mid-2010s being With the biggest names in our digital world today being those of: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and SnapChat. the user is able to connect, access and express almost infinite sources of information and profiles. The massive influx of [add some more description here: personal information?] information made readily available online and stored in various software units, dubbed in the cloud has made put user privacy at the forefront of the [what discussion though? be more specific] discussion as humanity progresses in our digital age. The extent to which one users and social media platform administrators can access user profiles and those in charge of maintenance have has become a new phasetopic of ethical dilemma consideration and the legality, awareness and boundaries of subsequent privacy violations are critical concerns in the advance of the technological age.