User talk:Jennifer Rosemary/sandbox-AgricultureinCalifornia

Hi Jennifer Rosemary it's a little hard to follow along your train of thought for this sandbox, but here are some thoughts.

• You'll want to make sure your references are properly formatted. I'm seeing some examples of "[1]" which indicates to me either an attempt at manually creating a footnote or improper copy/pasting of a chunk of text that didn't preserve the reference formatting. As a reminder, you'll want to make sure you're in edit mode when copying text over into your sandbox.
• "Diary sales" -> Dairy sales
• "There were notable increases" how are you defining "notable" here? This could come across as editorializing. Perhaps instead say, "there were increases of more than x% in the following products:" That comes across as more objective
• You'll want to keep your reference formatting consistent. References should directly follow punctuation. So it should be sentence, period, reference, space, next sentence. This is pretty easy to fix in visual editor--just drag and drop the references to where they need to be.
• Small note on section headers: Section headers shouldn't use ampersands (&) per the Wikipedia Manual of Style. Just something that was decided on for consistency. Also, section headers are in sentence case, not title case, meaning that only the first word and any proper nouns should be capitalized. So instead of "Environmental & Natural Resource Impacts" you would have "Environmental and natural resource impacts".
• You'll need a citation for this:
  • "California is one of the top five states in water use for livestock. Water withdrawals for livestock use in California were 101-250 million gallons per day in 2010 (0.135-0.344 km3 per year)."
  • "In 2016, over 1 million acres in the state were certified organic. CA grows 90% or more of the U.S. production of Organic almonds, artichokes, avocados, broccoli, cauliflower, celery, dates, figs, grapes, strawberries, lemons, lettuce, plums, and walnuts."
    • In general, everything should be cited, and it's a red flag for a paragraph or a section to end without a citation.

Let me know if you have questions about any of this feedback! Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:58, 25 October 2019 (UTC)