User talk:Kaig2000/Down jacket
Round 1 Feedback
editHi @Kaig2000:, nice to see you've gotten started working on this article by creating a new section on the fashion history of the garment. You came up with a really interesting account of the popularity of down jackets over time. I noticed that in the current article, George Finch is credited as the inventor, but in your section Eddie Bauer is named the creator. So I'd make sure to resolve this inconsistency before you publish your changes (maybe only Finch is the creator, they both claim to be the creator, or they invented it independently?). As you continue to improve the article, I'll just suggest looking to other articles about different garments that are more developed on Wikipedia for inspiration about what kind of sections or information you might add (maybe reference some popular brands or designs?). I don't have a lot else to add right now, only that I'm happy with the progress you've made so far and I'm excited to see what you come up with as you continue to work on your article!
Peer review
editHi! I peer reviewed your article, let me know in discord or here if you have trouble finding it my name is Celine! 11boba (talk) 07:35, 2 February 2021 (UTC)
Round 2 Feedback
editGreetings, @Kaig2000:. You have recieved helpful feedback from 11boba (link) and Destiny_Hartanto ( link ). I encourage you to carefully read both reviews as you work to improve your article and get ready to publish it this week.
11boba suggested adding wikilinks and I strongly agree that this would be a great way to polish your article and bring it in line with Wikipedian norms. They also suggested making sure that you're consistent in how you reference time. This is a good idea and will help your article have an encyclopedic tone. They also pointed out that you should also update the lead section of the article so that it references your additions and I agree with this too. They left number of other minor comments that I think will be helpful as you prepare to publish your article.
Destiny_Hartanto complemented your writing style and I agree that you have done a good job making it easy to read. I do urge you to make sure that it has an wp:encyclopedic tone. This concept is a bit difficult to grasp, and it's important to not be overly wordy in an effort to be encyclopedic. I do think that shying away from flowery adverbs and using more technical terms instead is a good strategy. Destiny_Hartanto suggested adding information about the history of designs of the down jacked over time and I think this is a super good idea when it comes to further expanding your article. I can imagine sections on each decade from the 1920s onward that describe and highlight the most popular designs. As part of this idea I think that it would be really valuable to have more images. I caution you to inform yourself about Wikipedia's norms around images and copyright before you go looking for an image. If you can't find appropriately licensed images, you might still be able to find or create one that would be usable under wp:fair use.
Finally, I suggest you take a look at my page on polishing your article for ideas for your next round of work on this project. I especially think that doing things like adding wikilinks, "also see" links, categories, and external links are good things to do when polishing an article. I also suggest that you spend some time carefully copyediting the information you've already added to make it as easy to read as possible while maintaining an wp:encyclopedic tone.
Overall, nice work on your article so far. Reach out to me if you want more feedback or if you think you're ready to publish your article by integrating it with the mainspace version.
Groceryheist (talk) 23:50, 4 February 2021 (UTC)
Finishing touches
editHi @Kaig2000:. Here are a few more finishing touches I think it would be good to take care of before publishing your updates to the article.
- The original version of the article has a number of sources which are removed in your version. I recommend bringing them back even if the article doesn't need information from them because future editors might find them useful.
- The original version of the article has a short "External Links" section that I think you should retain (but probably move it before the references).
- (Optionally) It might be nice to add a "See also" section that has links to more developed articles on similar topics can be useful.
Other than that I think you're ready to move your work into the main space. Nice job developing this article. It clearly has more depth and I think the discussion of the garment in the history of fashion seems is an interesting! Groceryheist (talk) 23:09, 11 February 2021 (UTC)