User talk:Kikichugirl/Archive 5

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Thanks for your help!

Hello!

Thanks for your help over at Draft:Alex_Gilbert. This article needs working on, I think it is not written correctly hence to why it was removed last time. If you can please give me your advice etc that would be much appreciated. There are a few secondary sources there yes which is reliable. The article over here is a good example - http://www.nzherald.co.nz/northern-advocate/news/article.cfm?c_id=1503450&objectid=11310534 . Thanks again for your help :-) --DmitryPopovRU (talk) 11:08, 27 February 2015 (UTC)

@DmitryPopovRU: Hi, Kikichugirl commented that the article has many primary sources. You can learn about primary sources by clicking here. On Wikipedia, while primary sources are allowed for some things, secondary sources are generally preferred because they are independent of the subject. Looking at the article, it seems fairly well-referenced and looks like it can pass soon. I suggest removing a few primary sources, or adding additional secondary sources to verify the information you've written. Kikichugirl said "there is also the possibility of G4 to contend with" because G4 is a Wikipedia rule about an article being recreated that has been deleted following a community discussion in the past. An "Alex Gilbert" article has been removed 10 times in the past, but this does not disqualify it from passing this time. Good luck! -Newyorkadam (talk) 22:40, 27 February 2015 (UTC)Newyorkadam

• Thanks heaps Newyorkadam for your response! Yes it just needs work but seriously needs rewording too! :) This will be a work in progress!! --DmitryPopovRU (talk) 22:50, 27 February 2015 (UTC)

06:09:06, 28 February 2015 review of submission by Yoshyhwh

• Yoshyhwh (talk · contribs)
  • User:Yoshyhwh/YHWH OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Yoshyhwh (talk) 06:09, 28 February 2015 (UTC)

Hey Kikichugirl, Could you please point out where I used peacock terms in the YHWH OUR RIGHTEOUSNESS article so that I can make corrections? Kind Best

Yisrael

Hi, Yoshyhwh! This article doesn't really seem like it's for an encyclopedia. All-caps title aside, it reads a lot more like an essay. See WP:FLOWERY and WP:Neutral point of view. These are some guidelines that may be able to help you. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 03:09, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

gabay article

Hi Jonathan Gabay here What do you need for submission of the wiki article?

JJG 12:16, 28 February 2015 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Paddypads (talk • contribs)

Hi remember that the rule on Wikipedia is one person per account, one account per person. It's best to avoid creating new accounts every time. And I'm sorry, but I'm not really sure how to answer your question. Wikipedia has many requirements about articles, the most important being this one and the ones involving the Five pillars. If you have a more specific question, feel free to let me know! If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 03:14, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Hello

Hello, I would greatly appreciate if you would review the Terri Abney article for me. I believe the articles subject is notable although another editor doesn't and has put it up for deletion. Thanks in advance. HipHopDoc (talk) 09:47, 1 March 2015 (UTC)《

Hello, HipHopDoc. I can see why its present sources would warrant deletion - IMDB is not a source, the only significant coverage appears to be from the NYT and WaPo articles. Unfortunately, since I have done delsort, I am not able to !vote one way or another on the debate, and you coming here to ask me to do so may be against canvassing policy. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 23:45, 1 March 2015 (UTC)

To "Canvass" was not my intention. In fact I had no idea what "Canvassing" was until I just followed the link you posted. I just saw you posted on the deletion page so I thought I'd ask your opinion. Thanks for the reply though. HipHopDoc (talk) 02:59, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

@HipHopDoc: I don't think that was your intention :) WP really does have a lot of rules and whatnot, and sometimes it's hard to find. My advice for you would be to add some significant coverage so that people can take a look at the article and find it undoubtedly notable, if you think it is. See WP:SIGCOV. Good luck and happy editing, — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 03:07, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Ok thank you @Kikichugirl: I truly appreciate the help HipHopDoc (talk) 04:46, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

A kitten for you!

hi Kikichugirl, have just read your talk page and after reading all those article review issues would like to thank you for all your hard work and 'cutify' it with a kitten:)

Coolabahapple (talk) 05:22, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Thanks, Coolabahapple! Meow... :3 Just beware of that hippo out there. I promise not to put them together. *strokes kitten* Thanks again! — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 05:25, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

17:01:45, 2 March 2015 review of submission by 164.39.56.205

• 164.39.56.205 (talk · contribs)
  • User:Harpreet Singh Jandu/sandbox (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

I am requesting a re-review because I have seen many articles like this one on wikipedia which are very similar and they are fine. For example if you search Jazzy B this article is similar to the one I am submitting? Also if you can advise how this can be edited/improved so it can be re-submitted?

thanks, kindest regards

164.39.56.205 (talk) 17:01, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi, IP, please sign in to leave messages here if you have an account, otherwise it can get confusing. In my opinion, actually, the two articles are not comparable - specifically, your article is more promotional. Avoid flowery language. Articles should not be used as a venue for lauding someone's many achievements, or putting them in an excessively positive light in a way that is unsourced. If someone else said they "pioneered" something or the like, then you can include it, with "According to... he pioneered..." - everything needs to have a reliable source. Additionally, Wikipedia is a work in progress; as such, there will be many articles on Wikipedia that have not been sufficiently improved, as well as poorly-written articles that need to be deleted. Generally, we do not use the existence of other articles to argue for the validity of another. This is called OTHERSTUFFEXISTS. All articles on WIkipedia are graded by quality, and the highest rating is Featured-class. Featured articles, which can be found here, are what you should be looking at if you are looking for articles to imitate. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 17:36, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Request on 19:55:15, 2 March 2015 for assistance on AfC submission by Nerd2the3rd

• Nerd2the3rd (talk · contribs)
  • User:Nerd2the3rd (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

I am hopeful you can clarify this or direct me to the appropriate parties. I do not understand the comment saying the article sounds like an advertisement. I looked up the information on the company and have tested the product. I do not work for the company nor do I work for any of the companies that have given STEALTHbits Technologies awards. I included sources linked to the awards/endorsements that they received. I am a soon to be Master's graduate and have been working in IT and IT Security for many years. I put in actual information. I am obviously new to writing on Wikipedia; however, I am not new to writing in general.

Thank you,

Crystal

Nerd2the3rd (talk) 19:55, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Hello, Nerd2the3rd, and welcome to Wikipedia. Congratulations on your impending graduation, I hope it will assist you in finding the ability to actually read my edit notice at the top of this edit window, where it plainly says to provide a link to the article in question (since you're not new to writing, I gather you're not new to reading, either). While you may not be new to writing in general, please understand that Wikipedia's policies require you to write everything in a neutral point of view without putting the subject in an excessively positive light. The external links to the company itself make it appear as if this is an advertisement and/or written by a PR firm. Additionally, everything written on Wikipedia must be backed by reliable, third-party independent sources to indicate notability in a Wikipedia context. Think research paper, not "wow awesome company that doesn't already have an article". Good luck. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 20:23, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Nerd2the3rd, there are many ways in which someone can write an "advertising-sounding" draft without ever working for the company. Phrases such as "A company providing leading industry tools addressing..." utilize peacock terms, your references are mostly press releases (which are primary sources and thus discouraged), and the "News Events" section should be either integrated into the rest of the draft or removed entirely (as it is entirely promotional in style and tone).

As a side note, you should really try to remain civil when talking to other editors, especially ones that know the policies and have nice notices at the top of their page asking for specific information when requesting help. There are different styles of writing, and your draft does not meet the style required by Wikipedia. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. Primefac (talk) 20:27, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Underground mining (hard rock)

Hello, Kiki. Thanks for taking interest in mining subjects. Sorry for delay in my response as my IP was blocked due to some other reasons.

I have added some information on mining method called VRM and electrical LHD being used for handling the muck. May I know the reasons behind your apprehension that the article look better without them?--Sanjaysingh12 (talk) 03:49, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi, Sanjaysingh12, and welcome to Wikipedia! I reverted your edits because I wasn't sure what you were trying to say - the edit summary I gave said it was confusing. Moreover, the information is not sourced. When making edits to Wikipedia, please be sure to provide a reliable source so that we know that what you're saying is true. If you have a source to back up this information feel free to re-add it. If you 'just know' then that's not enough unfortunately - Wikipedia goes by WP:No original research. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 03:55, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Thanks, Kiki.--Sanjaysingh12 (talk) 13:22, 4 March 2015 (UTC)

Request on 08:50:05, 5 March 2015 for assistance on AfC submission by Teepro

• Teepro (talk · contribs)
  • User:Teepro (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hi,

I have edited an article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:CHI_Limited and re-submitted but I saw that it was declined again. I read wiki articles on writing new articles and also took the advice of the previous editor by removing brand names in the first paragraph. I have also added competitor brands and cited sources. I also made sure there were no exaggerations. Kindly advise on what you think I can do to make this right. Thanks. Teepro (talk) 08:50, 5 March 2015 (UTC)

Teepro (talk) 08:50, 5 March 2015 (UTC)

@Teepro:(talk page stalker) Thanks for your message. Quite simply, you can be promotional while sticking to the absolute truth, but that is still not allowed. Immediately talking about what the company has to offer is promotional. Excessively using words such as "pure", "natural", "diverse", "advanced", etc is promotional. Thanks, --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 01:08, 6 March 2015 (UTC)

13:30:48, 3 March 2015 review of submission by 87.115.46.236

• 87.115.46.236 (talk · contribs)
  • Draft:Mohammad Zahoor (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

{{SAFESUBST:Void|

Hello This is the second time this article (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Mohammad_Zahoor) has been declined, but for different reasons, the first was due to citing a publication that the subject owned, which I have removed - but now it is written too much like an advert. Please can you give me an example of the kind of sentence you would like me to remove? Then I can rewrite to your specification and resubmit. Thank you

87.115.46.236 (talk) 13:30, 3 March 2015 (UTC) 87.115.46.236 (talk) 13:30, 3 March 2015 (UTC)

(talk page stalker) Quite simply, the whole article's tone is promotional. The first things you mention are his net worth and the entire article reads like a biography by one of his friends. Please see here for some of Wikipedia's best articles, including those on people, and base your submission on that. --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 01:11, 6 March 2015 (UTC)

Request on 21:45:16, 2 March 2015 for assistance on AfC submission by Jennger

• Jennger (talk · contribs)
  • User:Jennger (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hi Kikichugirl, thank you for taking the time to read and review my revised article submission Draft:Harris_CapRock_Communications. After chatting with Hell in a Bucket, the original reviewer, he advised that I remove the hours of operation and promotional language. I tried my best to do so, but I might not have done it well enough since the reason you've given for declining my resubmission is the same feedback. I'm fairly new to this and would love your specific advice on what I need to do to improve this article submission. Could you give me a few examples or pointers related to this article? Thank you so much for taking the time to help!

Jennger (talk) 21:45, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

(talk page stalker)@Jennger: Hi, thanks for your message. I see that the tone of the article has gotten better since Hell in a Bucket declined it, but it is still extremely promotional. Going into the article, in the first two sentences, there is already a very "this company is good" tone- see WP:NPOV. For example, you use words such as "global provider", "global infrastructure", "solutions", and touting like "for remote environments including the energy, government and maritime markets"- all of which are not acceptable in quantity. Going into the draft, the promotional tone continues. Thanks, --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 01:18, 6 March 2015 (UTC)

My Wikipedia submission PNX NEWS

They asked for references. Here is a direct link to PNX NEWS. It is a You tube DIY comedy News channel. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7E74eJ_gtD4OPDUFTiBuAA Please let me know what else I can do to get the Wiki page approved. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Badbyrd777 (talk • contribs) 05:25, 7 March 2015 (UTC)

Badbyrd777, YouTube is not considered a reliable source for articles, and should almost never be used. You need to find references that are independent of the subject (i.e. not written by PNX or their affiliates) and talk about the channel itself. Unless you can find some good sources your draft does not stand a snowball's chance of being accepted. As a side note, you need to remove all of the external references from your draft and either a) make them into references, b) but them in an "External links" section, or c) remove them entirely if they are not directly relevant to the draft. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. Primefac (talk) 11:30, 7 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft:We Players Should be ready for article space

This article certainly meets the criteria of NPOV, notability and non-promotional language and is, at least, a start class article. I recommend moving it to mainspace.

  Bfpage |leave a message  07:21, 7 March 2015 (UTC)

Bfpage, phrases like "intrinsically interactive" and "the company constructs a sensitivity of their audience’s immediate physical environment" are inherently promotional, and the fact that I had to remove almost the entire history for being directly copied from the crew's website means that it would normally be not quite ready for the mainspace. That being said, I've managed to clean up the promotional language and it should be in the mainspace soon. Just remember when you're editing it (or any Wiki page) in the future, that copyright violations are serious business. Primefac (talk) 11:09, 7 March 2015 (UTC)

Thank you for your response. If there is/was cutting and pasting it was done by the original creator. Having said that, I probably should have double-checked that myself. As for the retained promotional language, it comes directly from the reviews of the theater company, not from the primary source. I will go back and do a re-check and be a little stricter in what I leave in the article. Just so that you know, I live in Pittsburgh, never heard of these people, don't know any of them and just checked in to edit a random article for someone. I have no COI.

  Bfpage |leave a message  12:46, 7 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft: Holger Walter

Hi Kikichugirl, thank you for checking my new article. Your comment about the draft: Holger Walter: "You're really only referring to three sources here. That's not really enough... " I read. This is my first article in english. On the german Wiki-article all that information about the artist are mentioned. [Holger Walter]. The problem is that there are not so many english sources available. Just the english Website: [Walter]. So do you think it's not possible to accept it because of the german Wiki-site ? Sorry for my simple english... I get きき ("kiki"...) bye,bye !--Unburden (talk) 15:49, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

Unburden, non-English sources are perfectly acceptable, and given the number of them on the German Wikipedia I would highly suggest using them! If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. Primefac (talk) 16:15, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft:Kendall Almerico

Hi Kikichugirl.

I thought I had edited out anything that sounded like an advertisement on the article I submitted entitled "Kendall Almerico." I went back and read it again and I am really not sure what section (or sections) sound like an advertisement at this point. I have cited everything I wrote about to an independent source and linked to the source of the material in every place needed, I believe. Can you tell me the exact parts to fix that you feel sound like an ad and I will do my best to fix those and resubmit? I have read a lot of Wikipedia articles before I created this one, and I tried to write this the best I could to sound like other articles. Obviously, I am missing something and would appreciate your help fixing it.

Thank you for your help. I am new at this and plan to submit more articles, but I want to be sure I learn from my errors on this one.

Trentaaronsilver (talk) 15:50, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

Trentaaronsilver, the draft you've submitted reads more like a CV or a Who's Who piece on Almerico. The paragraph listing how many interviews he's had? Entirely promotional. If there isn't text directly praising how awesome he is, it's in the references. Speaking of which, many of your references do little more than mention Almerico (95% of them say "...said Almerico, who specializes in crowdfunding" and nothing else). Additionally, interviews are considered primary sources and are strongly discouraged, and YouTube and UrbanDictionary are not reliable sources and should not be used at all. I realise it is difficult to talk about someone's achievements without sounding like you are promoting them, but it is possible. I think once you find some sources that actually discuss him as a person, you'll be able to add more encyclopedic information and hopefully keep the tone neutral. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. Primefac (talk) 16:34, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

WikiTools

Thanks so much for your help with the info on WikiTools! Twofingered Typist (talk) 20:41, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

Request on 15:10:01, 6 March 2015 for assistance on AfC submission by Trancemaester

• Trancemaester (talk · contribs)
  • User:Trancemaester (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hi,

Can you point out some areas of the article where it doesn't have a formal tone? Thanks.

Trancemaester (talk) 15:10, 6 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi, Trancemaester, what article is it? You can learn how to link to the article in the notice at the top of this edit window. Generally, to improve your tone, see WP:Words to watch. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 20:06, 6 March 2015 (UTC)

Oh sorry, it's this page https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Assurant_Solutions — Preceding unsigned comment added by Trancemaester (talk • contribs) 20:28, 6 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi, Trancemaester, the article reads like a company's About Us page. It's also a bit short. Is there any information you could also be adding? WP:Words to watch may be of use. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 20:57, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

Header added

Hi! Saw your message. It was really comforting. You should try this game.Animal Jam - Animal Jam - Meet friends, adopt pets, and play games! Try it! I bet you'll like it.

Thanks, awsome81672 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Awsome81672 (talk • contribs) 23:53, 7 March 2015 (UTC)

Awsome81672, this is not the place. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 20:57, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

05:47:30, 8 March 2015 review of submission by Alucivanoitnga

• Alucivanoitnga (talk · contribs)
  • User:Alucivanoitnga/Stage I and II (Navy Research Platforms) (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hi kikichugirl, Thank you for your help by reviewing my article [[1]]. I think I have provided citations properly but they may not fulfill the request as suggested. The article is about an event in 1984 and the text is an amalgamation of news paper articles I collected as the event unfolded (except for the last entry). The reporters cited in the article are the news paper writers, but they are no longer employed at the news paper. I have recently attempted to contact the news paper offices, offering my contact information to the reporters, and asking for help with the articles, only to have no response. I was a participant in the event, and if I can ever figure out how to get my images from wikicommons to the article I think it would add some substance. Please reconsider your review. I'm new at creating a page in wiki, learning as I go, and I appreciate all the help I can get. Thanks, Alucivanoitnga Alucivanoitnga (talk) 05:47, 8 March 2015 (UTC) Alucivanoitnga (talk) 05:47, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi, Alucivanoitnga, and welcome to Wikipedia! A note on your article: At the references section I only see one source. That is not enough to prove that everything you say is true, or even that this is notable. Take a look at the links in my decline. It is okay to refer to offline sources, if they are ancient published newspapers, but you have to be sure to cite them as well. As long as you are able to demonstrate notability and write in the appropriate tone, then you will be good to go. Also, WP:CHEATSHEET may be of use to you. Good luck! If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 21:14, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

LGO solver suite for global and local nonlinear optimization

Dear Reviewer [Kikichugirl],

First of all, thank you for your voluntary efforts.

I added a little more content and some general references to the page on the subject of global optimization, before writing very concisely about the LGO software.

I wish to mention that I am not "only" a software developer, but also a recognized scientific authority in the field of global optimization: book author / editor, journal editor / society officer etc. for some of the top scientific publishers (Kluwer, Springer) and organizations (INFORMS, EURO).

Please let me know if you have any questions / comments / suggestions. I am willing to add a bit more content to the webpage, but only if this is really necessary. There exist dozens of other webpages, hundreds of books, and thousands of scholarly articles devoted to global optimization. A few of these books and articles have been written by

Yours truly,

Janos D. Pinter, PhD, DSc Proprietor & Research Scientist Pinter Consulting Services, Inc., Canada http://www.pinterconsulting.com janos.d.pinter@gmail.com

Google Scholar Citations http://scholar.google.ca/citations?user=iHrfmDEAAAAJ&hl=en&oi=ao

Linkedin http://www.linkedin.com/pub/janos-d-pinter/10/9/676

Past Chair, EUROPT Managing Board The Continuous Optimization Working Group of EURO http://europt.iam.metu.edu.tr/

Co-Editor, SpringerBriefs in Optimization http://www.springer.com/series/8918 22:48, 8 March 2015 (UTC)22:48, 8 March 2015 (UTC)22:48, 8 March 2015 (UTC)~ — Preceding unsigned comment added by Janos D. Pinter (talk • contribs)

Janos D. Pinter, if Bill Gates himself wrote this draft I would still decline it. I think you were a little bit too concise when you wrote this draft. A Wikipedia page is about summarising the current literature in order for someone to get a general idea of the page before going to the references for more information. You've skipped that step entirely by simply saying "go forth and read!" (You've also created a massive CITEKILL in doing so). You need to include a little background, you're missing a LEAD, you should definitely add some wikilinks to other (relevant) pages. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. Primefac (talk) 23:06, 8 March 2015 (UTC) (talk page stalker)

Help please!

Hi Kikichugirl,

I am really having trouble getting this page [[2]] and it is super important to me that I get it up. Can you please advise? I know there a a couple of errors in the code, as I am not really very experienced with it.

Please and thank you! Tegalex (talk) 03:01, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

(talk page stalker)@Tegalex: First, I assume you mean User:Tegalex/23 Things. Second, if there's a subject that is "super important" for you, you probably shouldn't be editing about it on Wikipedia- see WP:COI. Third, the subject does not appear to be notable, see WP:NN, in particular, WP:GNG. See also the big red boxes at the top saying that the draft was declined and follow the links. If you have any further questions, please leave another note on my talk page. Thanks, --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 03:04, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft:KBUU Radio Malibu

Hi there! Hope this is the right format. I am at a loss to understand why my article "Draft:KBUU Radio Malibu" was rejected. The rule on notability states "If a topic has received significant coverage in reliable sources that are independent of the subject, it is presumed to be suitable for a stand-alone article or list." I had posted three links to newspaper articles about this new radio station, I now add a fourth, and I have posted links to FCC files. These sources are significant, independent, reliable. The presumption under your policy must therefore be that this subject is suitable for a standalone article. Thank you for your attention. Hans Laetz — Preceding unsigned comment added by Hanslaetz (talk • contribs)

@Hanslaetz:(talk page stalker) In short, the sources mainly consist of (rather routine) reports that say that the station has simply been approved, or are interviews or are too promotional to be sources that are independent of the subject. Thanks, --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 04:38, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

A group barnstar for you from members of WikiProject Articles for Creation

		The Articles for Creation barnstar
		The work you do for AFC is absolutely astounding. In just this first week of March, you have reviewed 253 AFC submissions (238 decline, 15 accept) massively helping reduce the AFC backlog. For perspective, I, L235, have ever only declined 166 drafts (using AFCH). The work you do for WPAFC is astronomical. You deserve this and much more.

Signed,

• --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 01:12, 9 March 2015 (UTC)
• --Howicus (Did I mess up?) 01:19, 9 March 2015 (UTC)
• -- TheMesquito^buzz 01:28, 9 March 2015 (UTC)
• --kelapstick^(bainuu) 01:30, 9 March 2015 (UTC)
• --Darylgolden^(talk) Ping when replying 01:47, 9 March 2015 (UTC)
• --Primefac (talk) 17:39, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

07:27:51, 9 March 2015 review of submission by Thedarkwould

• Thedarkwould (talk · contribs)
  • Draft:The Dark Would (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hello,

Thank you for reviewing my draft (Draft:The Dark Would). I note that you requested that the article should have a more formal tone, be neutral, and should reference published sources.

Could you please indicate an example of informal tone and non-neutral language in the article? I'm afraid that I don't see any examples, so any guidance is much appreciated.

I also note that you request that we reference more independent published sources, which I will add forthwith. We have based our article on Open-space Learning or OSL, which was also created by my academic department, but I notice that this article only has two references., but does link to seven other wikipedia pages within the article. Is this a valid way to increase the reliability of the article according to your metrics?

Thank you!

Thedarkwould (talk) 07:27, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

Thedarkwould (talk) 07:27, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

Thedarkwould, first off, I should mention that the OSL article is in the process of being deleted for directly copying from Warwick's website. Fortunately you have not made the same mistake. The majority of your draft is simply quotes from other sources, where a summary would potentially suffice. The reason it was originally declined as non-encylopedic is because it reads like an essay about the Dark Would (the sentence " Just as Dante begins his tale lost in a dark wood..." comes to mind). Honestly, I'm not sure this draft will ever be accepted, as it appears to be a single-university project with little to no outside recognition (which is paramount for a Wikipedia page). See WP:42 for a brief summary of what is required for a good article. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance.Primefac (talk) 19:08, 9 March 2015 (UTC) (talk page stalker)

Dbx2

Hi Kikichugirl. Thanks for your feedback on User:Dbx2/sandbox. I have rewritten to address your concerns that this sounded like an advertisement - changing some language and structure, removing some references to current company and all but the most noteworthy awards. Would welcome your thoughts and any further advice. Thanks Dbx2 (talk) 00:53, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi Dbx2, the draft (which has been moved to Draft:Paul Francis Worthington), you've done a good job of removing the promotional material, but the main issue now is that the notability of Worthington is not demonstrated. I've left a similar note on the draft, but basically you need to show that he meets one of the criteria for professors for this draft to be accepted. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. Primefac (talk) 19:31, 9 March 2015 (UTC) (talk page stalker)

rejected article

kindly let me know the reasons of the rejected article https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Jenan_%28poet%29 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Tanurasunny (talk • contribs) 09:52, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

@Tanurasunny: The reasons are right in the big red boxes at the top of the page. --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 20:17, 9 March 2015 (UTC) (talk page stalker)

11:26:37, 9 March 2015 review of submission by Nakulmehra

• Nakulmehra (talk · contribs)
  • Draft:Suraj Gowda (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

I got some more references for Suraj Gowda and the popular news channels had covered his story on their portal. So, plz have a look on article article and suggest if is there any changes need.

Nakulmehra (talk) 11:26, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

@Nakulmehra: Please wait until the MfD is closed until resubmitting and asking for advice. To editor Kikichugirl: Please comment at the MfD for that page. --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 20:19, 9 March 2015 (UTC)(talk page stalker)

Draft Article - The Badger Game

Hi Kikichugirl -

I appreciate you taking the time to review my submission and give feedback.

My initial draft was rejected by another user, and on that submission, I received comments similar to yours. On my second revision, I went back and added additional sources to impartial sites, but unfortunately, the result was the same.

If it's not too much trouble, could you please elaborate on what you would like to see added (or omitted) from the article to make it worthy of inclusion? I realize this film resides in a bit of a gray area, in that many of the stars are unestablished. However, several behind-the-scenes players (notably the editor and sound mixer) have a laundry list of credits to their name. Additionally, the film has played four festivals, won accolades at two, and received favorable write-ups in two of the world's biggest horror-themed publications (Fangoria and Dread Central).

The only reason for my query is that I see many films included in Wikipedia with far fewer references and much less visibility than the one noted in this article. Any insight you could give toward what would make it worthy of inclusion would be more than helpful.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:The_Badger_Game — Preceding unsigned comment added by Badgerfilms (talk • contribs) 16:57, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

Thanks,

Tom — Preceding unsigned comment added by Badgerfilms (talk • contribs) 16:25, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi Badgerfilms, I should first mention a phrase we use (often) on Wikipedia called OTHERSTUFFEXISTS, which essentially means that just because one page is poorly written doesn't mean a second should be as well. If anything, those pages should be improved or deleted. Now, on to your query - from what I've seen of the page, you are lacking in reliable sources that discuss the film itself. The Aztec Press is a good reference, but the other three simply list the film or repeat the press releases. It's great they go into Fangoria, but since it's an interview it's considered PRIMARY (and while it can be used as a reference, you've done the right thing by including it as further reading). This seems like it might be a case of TOOSOON, where the film may become notable in the future but currently is not.

To summarise: if you can find a few more good sources, your draft stands a very good chance of being accepted. Primefac (talk) 20:38, 9 March 2015 (UTC) (talk page stalker)

Thanks for the feedback, Prrimefac. I'll add a few more alternate sources and, per your other comment, look into changing my user name. I appreciate you taking the time to give input.Badgerfilms (talk) 22:51, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

Reference Errors on 9 March

Hello, I'm ReferenceBot. I have automatically detected that an edit performed by you may have introduced errors in referencing. It is as follows:

• On the Draft:The Future of Freedom Conference page, your edit caused a broken reference name (help). (Fix | Ask for help)

Please check this page and fix the errors highlighted. If you think this is a false positive, you can report it to my operator. Thanks, ReferenceBot (talk) 00:18, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

thank you for your formatting notes - can you please review my article also?

Hi there,

Thanks for all your help. Two reviewers have checked out [[3]] aka Draft:Ross_Cohen and they have changed format stuff but no one will review it! It has been 7 days or so. It was rejected as Twitter, Imdb and Youtube are not reliable sources. I moved them to the external links section and replaced them with reliable sources (multiple) and sources that show the person is notable. If you can help I would appreciate it greatly.

Thanks

Johnsonsinclare (talk) 00:04, 10 March 2015 (UTC)Johnson

Hi, Johnsonsinclare, and thanks for your submission. As there is a line of people waiting for their reviews at AfC, someone will look at yours shortly. In the meantime, you can continue to improve your article. Good luck and happy editing, — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 05:27, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

05:24:28, 10 March 2015 review of submission by Snehahurrain

• Snehahurrain (talk · contribs)
  • Draft:Farman Nawaz (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Peace be upon you For the last few days I am working on a Wikipedia page https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Farman_Nawaz It is declined thrice. The fact is that I have prepared this page keeping in few another Wikipedia page (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ansar_Abbasi. You will not believe but it is a fact that the references of Ansar Abasi page are irrelevant. It is requested that apply the same rules on Ansar abbasi page. you will find that my page is more authentic than Ansar Abassi page. It is not a challenge but a request for comparison. I hope that my request will be taken as positive. when I compare these two pages then your comments did not fit into my logic. Regards

Snehahurrain (talk) 05:24, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

@Snehahurrain: Sorry, but no. You seem to have misunderstood. Wikipedia is a work in progress; as such, there will be many articles on Wikipedia that have not been sufficiently improved, as well as poorly-written articles that need to be deleted. Generally, we do not use the existence of other articles to argue for the validity of another. This is called OTHERSTUFFEXISTS. All articles on WIkipedia are graded by quality, and the highest rating is Featured-class. Featured articles, which can be found here, are what you should be looking at if you are looking for articles to imitate. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 05:28, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

Request on 04:55:44, 10 March 2015 for assistance on AfC submission by Manjeetcare

• Manjeetcare (talk · contribs)
  • User:Manjeetcare (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hello KiKichugirl, I tried removing all the peacock words as mentioned and suggested by you. But I am failing to understand the exact expectation you have.

Can you please help me edit the article?

Manjeetcare (talk) 04:55, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi, Manjeetcare, I'm not quite sure which article you mean, since you didn't provide a link. However, generally for articles declined due to tone problems - you should take a look at WP:Words to watch. Articles should be a dry listing of facts, with no flowery language or exaggerations. Good luck and happy editing! Feel free to let me know if you have a more specific question. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 08:43, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

Please comment but not review just yet

Hello!

Can you please let me know about the sources I have added on for Draft:Alex Gilbert. One is from the Library of Congress and the Vancouver Library in Canada. Thank You!

--DmitryPopovRU (talk) 20:49, 7 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi, DmitryPopovRU. those sources are better, but I'm not too able to judge them. I'm hoping a more experienced reviewer will come along and decide whether your article is acceptable or not. I apologize for the wait. Good luck! — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 20:57, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

Thank You! I would like a more experienced reviewer to comment first, but what will be will be! :-) --DmitryPopovRU (talk) 05:24, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

As soon as possible, hopefully. Sorry for the wait. The longer you've been waiting, the more likely you are to be next. Sorry and good luck, — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 08:49, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

09:09:01, 8 March 2015 review of submission by Dilrubakhan

• Dilrubakhan (talk · contribs)
  • Draft:Farman Nawaz (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Dilrubakhan (talk) 09:09, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

I have prepared the page "https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Farman_Nawaz" keeping in view the language and contents of other Wikipedia pages about Pakistani journalists/ columnists. I deleted few sections and rearranged the contents. The sources are mainly from the published work of Farman nawaz or references of his work. Would you like to review the page again?

Hi, Dilrubakhan. Please remember that Wikipedia is a work in progress; as such, there will be many articles on Wikipedia that have not been sufficiently improved, as well as poorly-written articles that need to be deleted. Generally, we do not use the existence of other articles to argue for the validity of another. This is called OTHERSTUFFEXISTS. All articles on WIkipedia are graded by quality, and the highest rating is Featured-class. Featured articles, which can be found here, are what you should be looking at if you are looking for articles to imitate. Sources must be independent and not written by the subject himself in order to demonstrate notability. Hopefully, someone can come along and review the submission again soon! Good luck! — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 08:52, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

The Projection Booth Podcast

I went in and added some more references to the article. I hope this is sufficient. There aren't many print/magazine references for it as it's very much a web-based medium.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:The_Projection_Booth_Podcast — Preceding unsigned comment added by Cashiers (talk • contribs)

Resolved

 – Now in mainspace. --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 01:27, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft:Jayantilal_Gada

user name: Yatin Rewale article: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Jayantilal_Gada Hello - I've just seen that My article I submitted for review Draft:Jayantilal Gada has been rejected following your review, with the feedback that read more like an advertisement than an entry in an encyclopedia and need to be written from a neutral point of view I was wondering if you could offer more specific feedback as to which parts you feel do not meet the guidance and look like Advertisement. The feedback seems very general and I would like to amend and resubmit, but would like more specifics in order to do so.Please help me to get this article accepted. thank you (Yatin Rewale (talk) 11:55, 10 March 2015 (UTC)) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Yatin Rewale (talk • contribs)

@Yatin Rewale:(talk page stalker) I see you've modified the tone slightly, which is good, but promotional statements completely throughout the draft (such as "Jayantilal gada started a small video library in a section of the grocery store that his father had in Ghatkopar (Mumbai) and called it as Popular video cassette library on that time.He began selectively buying the cassettes from various producers for distribution and soon became dealer for all the major producers in 2011"), which while individually factually correct, do not cumulate in an article with encyclopedic tone; they'd be better for an interview. Also, I'm concerned about the (nonexistent) sourcing for compliance with Wikipedia's notability guidelines. --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 01:40, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Request on 08:07:00, 10 March 2015 for assistance on AfC submission by MarkfromPoole

• MarkfromPoole (talk · contribs)
  • User:MarkfromPoole (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

I do not understand why you have said my sources in Poole People are unreliable. A previous reviewer has said they were ok from a verification perspective but did not meet the notability test. I have addressed this by referencing to other pages where Poole People is mentioned. MarkfromPoole (talk) 08:07, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

MarkfromPoole (talk) 08:07, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

@MarkfromPoole:(talk page watcher) Thank you for the message. Perhaps you're being confused by Wikipedia terminology. Notability is shown through multiple independent reliable sources covering the subject of the article in appreciable detail. Simply linking to a government listing does not count as either significant or independent coverage. Hope this clears some things up; if you have any further questions feel free to ask. --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 01:45, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft article: Suzanne Arms

Hi user:Kikichugirl - thanks for reviewing my article (draft:Suzanne Arms) so quickly. I wasn't expecting to receive a response that fast! Obviously you felt that it needs more work and I took note that the tone needs to be addressed (including peacocking). I'd like to focus on the right areas and so would be grateful for any guidance on specifically which parts should be changed. Thanks in advance. Fbell74 (talk) 05:04, 24 February 2015 (UTC)

Hi, Fbell74. Your article is pretty well-referenced, but you could definitely improve its referencing. There are entire sections without references, and since she is alive, you have to prove that everything is true. Also, it really does read like an essay. This should be a dry article of facts, not full of flowery language. Additionally, Wikipedia is not for soapboxing. If she did all of these awesome things, you have to prove it, not write an essay about how great she is. Perhaps you should take a look at some featured articles for examples of best practices. — kikichugirl ^speak up! 22:08, 25 February 2015 (UTC)

I've obviously fallen down on the tone and it comes across as less neutral than should be the case. I'll work on it again. Thanks for your guidance - it's much appreciated Fbell74 (talk) 00:16, 26 February 2015 (UTC)

Hi user:Kikichugirl - I've revised the article and removed the parts that I think were making it read like an essay. I also found a couple of sources for the 'Early Life' section that I've added. When you have a moment would you mind running your eyes over it and seeing what you think? Fbell74 (talk) 07:36, 5 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi, Fbell74! I think your article is much better, though I have some recommendations:

1. Combine the two "activist" sections - perhaps into an "Activism" section with two subsections,
2. Include more wikilinks (but not too many!) to integrate the article into the encyclopedia,
3. Continue to work on the tone in the "organizations" section, and,
4. Make sure every sentence that could be challenged is sourced. I see some sentences that say "This formed the basis..." or "This was because..." without a source. Without proof that something is true, it would not be wise to have the sentence in a full article.

Good luck! — kikichugirl ^oh hello! 21:06, 8 March 2015 (UTC)

Thanks user:Kikichugirl. Those suggestions were very helpful. These are the changes I've made:

1. I've joined the two activism sections together. When I thought about the content of this I felt that it covers just one subject so I've retitled the section 'Childbirth activism'.
2. I've included more wikilinks but have tried not to overdo it with unnecessary ones. Hopefully I've struck the right balance.
3. I also removed some of the wording that you mentioned, like 'spearheaded'. Hopefully this helps the tone as well.
4. I've added in more sources so hopefully these will cover off any concerns relating to supporting the reliability of the content. Fbell74 (talk) 03:03, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

@Fbell74: Kikichugirl was asking for a third opinion on IRC, so my opinion is that the article is good enough to accept. I'll accept it right now if you agree that at any experienced user's request it can be move back into draft space for further work. Sound good with you? --L235 (t / c / ping in reply) 20:44, 9 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi L235. No problem at all - that sounds good. Thanks for the offer. Fbell74 (talk) 07:18, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

I can see that the article has now been approved. Many thanks to both of you for your suggestions and help Fbell74 (talk) 04:23, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft:Neeraj Mehta Updated

This is in reference to my Article https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:Neeraj_Mehta . Thanks for your fast review. I have updated my submission. I would appreciate if you have a look — Preceding unsigned comment added by Neeraj Mehta123 (talk • contribs) 09:27, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Neeraj Mehta123, as you have probably seen from the most recent decline notice, your draft is lacking inline citations (also called footnotes). These are vital in a biography of a living person in order to avoid any libelous claims. See WP:REFB for information about adding footnotes. If you want more help, stop by the Teahouse, the IRC channel, or the help desk to ask someone for assistance. Primefac (talk) 16:00, 11 March 2015 (UTC) (talk page stalker)

Draft:Bill Carrothers updated

I see that you're busy, just wanted to let you know I made the changes you requested to my AfC submission Draft:Bill Carrothers. Thanks for your input! Sunspot Soldier (talk) 14:22, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

Hi Sunspot Soldier, your draft is looking pretty good, but there's a small issue with too many links. First, based on the quantity of letters before each reference, you're bordering on needless repetition, especially for a draft that is (essentially) one paragraph long. Second, the biography is largely a "Carrothers played with X," bordering on promotional/advertisement language (never mind the fact that all those blue wikilinks make it very hard to read the page). Listing every musician he's played with is probably a bit excessive (plus, that's what the discography is for). Once you've cleaned it up a bit, drop me a note and I'll be happy to give feedback. Primefac (talk) 23:16, 10 March 2015 (UTC) (talk page stalker)

Thanks for the suggestions, Primefac, I've tried to eliminate needless repetition and removed the more obvious wikilinks (most people know what France is), but I've maintained the list of significant musicians (from different genres and locales) this artist has played with as it helps to establish his credentials and connections. These are people who are not represented in the discography because he performed live with them, he did not record with them (and it is a sampling, not a comprehensive list). They are still wikilinked as is typical among jazz musician's biography articles on Wikipedia. I also changed the name of the one paragraph Biography to "Career" since it doesn't contain much personal information, and I moved the more general comments re: his influences and performing style to the top of the page. I appreciate the input. Since I've mostly edited existing articles, there are a lot of guidelines I haven't picked up on. Sunspot Soldier (talk) 15:59, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Sunspot Soldier, hopefully you can see why I made that comment, as it is loads more readable with the references trimmed down. I've accepted the article as it's definitely ready for the mainspace, but feel free to keep improving it. Good job! Primefac (talk) 16:08, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Primefac Thanks very much! Sunspot Soldier (talk) 16:11, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

05:41:17, 10 March 2015 review of submission by Krystel Espiritu

• Krystel Espiritu (talk · contribs)
  • Draft:Hassan's Optician Co. (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hello @Kikichugirl:, Could you help me understand which part of my article reads like an advertisement or promotional? I've re-written my article several times trying to be as descriptive as possible and making sure I have as much information about the company through the sources referred within my draft. I've not mentioned any praises, famous brands they sell nor have I stated any locations of the showrooms - all better stated in their websites so I've been told.

I really would like to publish my article and your assistance would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you, Krystel Espiritu (talk)

@Krystel Espiritu:(talk page stalker) Thanks for inquiring. Bluntly, the whole article is promotional, starting from the first sentence, where you immediately start with "first officially approved optician store", and carries through the whole draft, where you go on and on with statements such as "first official approved optician in Kuwait, licensed by the Department of Health", that while factually correct are inherently slanted, and tone such as "Dr. Hassan recalls "To polish the lenses, we hooked up an old car starter-motor to a car wheel, and as it rotated we used sand from the beach as an abrasive with which to grind the glass" which would be good for a recruitment statement but is not encyclopedic. Hope this helps, --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 01:33, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

@Lixxx236: "first officially approved optician store" I wanted to get that out there because it is why I wanted to write about them and why I thought the company was significant, but I can see your point on how I went a lil too far with the first this, first that, etc and quote by Dr. Hassan and Have tweaked it a bit and was hoping if you could check it out and share with me your thoughts once again because I genuinely trust your criticism.

Also regarding that statement again I have documents and the scanned certificate/license of it, can that be enough of a reference/source? Could I upload it on wikicommon and use it as such? It has the number on itself stating it was the first given by the Department of Health and I have pictures of the event which are PD from the company's archive, there was tv/news coverage which was before I was even born but I can get the exact time, tv studio and name of the people involved, if needed - Can this be a good enough source/reference?

Thank you again for your help, Krystel Espiritu (talk)

@Krystel Espiritu:(talk page watcher) Sentences and articles that are well sourced and factually correct can still have a very promotional tone. Also, taking a look at the article, the lead section now really tells me nothing. That is, if I were reading the article, I would be wondering "What is Hassan's Optician Co.? Is it an eyeglass service? Is it an eye testing facility?" I am also concerned that the sources shown do not show that the subject is notable. The subjects of Wikipedia articles must be notable, and as per Wikipedia's notability guideline on corporations, An organization is generally considered notable if it has been the subject of significant coverage in reliable, independent secondary sources. Going through the sources one by one, the first source looks good, the second is primary and therefore doesn't count towards notability, ditto for the third, fifth, and seventh, I can't find where it mentions "Hassan's" in the forth and sixth, the eighth looks to be an interview and therefore primary and does not count towards notability, and ditto for the ninth. Cheers, --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 18:57, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

@Lixxx235: Thank you for your patience with me; 3rd source was not an interview it was a case study done by Superbrands which was later on published on their magazine, 4th source was from the Kuwait Times newspaper and if you have flipped through to the 4th page you'd have seen an article written about them and a quote on how they were claimed to be the only optical store in Kuwait before. 7th source is from Bazaar Magazine in which they described a notable event of receiving ISO:9001 certificate (There were newspaper articles for this event as well) and the 6th well is about Eye boutique but again an interview but I can get another reference and Khaleej Times newspaper is about the Dervision Dubai coming into partnership with Hassan's opticain co Kuwait, I have other sources I'm trying to track down - Television coverage on when/how they got they're licenses and how they got approved by the department of health as well as a documentary about the company. - could finding those help me publish this?

Krystel Espiritu (talk)

12:39:56, 10 March 2015 review of submission by JasH23

• JasH23 (talk · contribs)
  • User:JasH23/sandbox (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Hi! I'm writing to ask about the submission decline of the draft in my sandbox. I have edited the introduction as suggested by the previous reviewer. I'm still not sure why it is seen as an advertisement. All I hoped for is to make an English version of the French article here: https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stibo_Systems Could you tell me which parts you think should be edited again? JasH23 (talk) 12:39, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

@JasH23:(talk page watcher) First, thanks for your work translating. The entire article seems like an advertisement to me; words like "leader" without being qualified with a statement such as "According to" are a good place to start editing, and simply listing achievements is against Wikipedia's Neutral Point of View policy. Be aware that the different language Wikipedias may have (sometimes drastically) different policies and it is needed to read them for each version of each Wikimedia project. Thanks, --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 19:07, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

New version of Draft:TINA_(program) article

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draft:TINA_(program)

Hi Kikichugirl

Following your suggestions, I've added more and new up-to-date references, extended the text and tried to improve the Info box. May I ask what your opinion is about my article now?

Best regards

Tengelic Tengelic (talk) 13:32, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

To editor Kikichugirl: Looks like this is one which needs your direct attention. --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 19:09, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft:Arthur_Obermayer

Hi --

I'm responding to your review of Draft:Arthur_Obermayer (I hope I did the link correctly for you). You commented that you felt it read more like an advertisement. Without understanding specifically why you made tht comment, I have reworked much of the submission. Does this comply? — Preceding unsigned comment added by Blsolbjor (talk • contribs) 14:28, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

@Blsolbjor:(talk page watcher) Hi, and thanks for your work and the major changes you've made since the decline. Looking at this from fresh eyes, here are some of the issues I see, in the order that I see them, on the current draft:

• "serial entrepreneur" is not a commonly used term, a more neutral term would be simply "entrepreneur".
• The entire lead section is unsourced. This is generally not a good thing, and especially not for living people, per Wikipedia's policy on biographies of living people.
• The sentence He has had a leading role in activities related to small high-tech businesses, government policy, international relations, family and community history, internet strategies, and technological innovation screams "promotion" to me. Vague, subjective terms such as "leading role" and PR words such as "innovation" are definitely no-nos, and at this point, if I were the reviewer, I'd probably have declined the submission without reading further. However, I'm going to continue with my observations.
• The Early Years section isn't as bad as the above, though it's still promotional.
• The next section is quite troublesome. As above, avoid words such as outgrowth. Moving into the paragraph, "sponsored" is a hugely open-ended term that is usually used in PR- not cool. Words like "competitive" and "extraordinary contributions" should also go.

At this point, I think you can get a pretty good idea of at least one category of issues with this draft. The standard commonly used when determining neutrality is this: "would the company's worst enemy find it neutral"? Hope this clears it up a bit. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave another note. Thanks, --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 19:23, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Draft: Smarsh

Hi there,

I was hoping to get more information about my recent submission: Draft:Smarsh

External link: https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Draft:Smarsh&direction=next&oldid=650201036

You cited the need for more third-party sources as the reason it was declined. Can you specify which references aren't third-party? Portland Business Journal, Oregon Business, Inc.com and Deloitte are independent publications and aren't associated with Smarsh.

Thanks much! Lisa Peyton — Preceding unsigned comment added by Lisapeyton (talk • contribs)

@Lisapeyton:(talk page stalker) Hi, Lisa, and thanks for your draft. From a quick glance at the sources, most/all of them appear to be "top 100" lists or the like. The general notability guideline states, If a topic has received significant coverage in reliable sources that are independent of the subject, it is presumed to be suitable for a stand-alone article or list. Being listed in a top 100 list or similar is not considered "significant coverage", and therefore you need more and better sources. Thanks, --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 19:28, 11 March 2015 (UTC)

Request on 11:20:46, 10 March 2015 for assistance on AfC submission by Rationalcurve

• Rationalcurve (talk · contribs)
  • User:Rationalcurve (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

Dear Kikichugirl,

I wrote a short article yesterday. The link is below: [4]

You may also look at another page which already exists in wiki:fujita conjecture

Compare these two, you will find I have provided a very exhaustive description on this theorem. And two references are also given.

In general, no people will watch my page (contraction theorem) except someone really interested in this field. Like the Fujita conjecture I support to you, we don't need to give some context you required, since the one will watch this page won't need to any context, one just want to know what exactly the Castelnuovo's contraction theorem is.

The motivation is [5].

Thanks and best regards,

rationalcurve Rationalcurve (talk) 11:20, 10 March 2015 (UTC)

@Rationalcurve:(talk page watcher) Hi Rationalcurve, and welcome to Wikipedia. Generally, articles must start with (something) is (short description); for example, in the article you mentioned, it begins: Fujita's conjecture is a problem in the theories of algebraic geometry..., while your draft does not provide any such context. Also, the article you mentioned as an example is a poor example at best. You may want to take a look at Wikipedia's best articles and base your draft on those. Before resubmitting, be sure you're aware of Wikipedia's general notability guideline. Thanks. --L235 (alt / t / c / ping in reply) 19:36, 11 March 2015 (UTC)