Krogers2
| This user is a student editor in Bowdoin_College/Religions_of_the_African_Atlantic_(Spring_2019) . |
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Hi Krogers2! Thanks for contributing to Wikipedia. We hope to see you there!
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Welcome!
editHello, Krogers2, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:51, 11 March 2019 (UTC)
Feedback from professor
editI'm glad to see you editing your article, Pentecostalism in Ethiopia. For now, you don't have to edit the actual article directly if you don't want to. That is, you can keep things in your sandbox if that's easier for you. But if you're ready to go live, then have at it!
I think you may need to review Wikipedia's Neutral Point of View policy. The bit of information you added to the article here may reflect the citation you gave, but it reads a bit biased: "The engaging and uplifting nature of Pentecostalism..." This doesn't sound like objective information and instead sounds like someone's opinion. Maybe the source says that adherents often report that they find Pentecostalism engaging and uplifting? In other words, is the opinion of many of the followers of the religion rather than an objective fact? "...Looking to enhance their lives." What do you mean here? Enhance it how? Monetarily? Health-wise? By having children? I think you need to be more specific in other words. "Pentecostal churches were found to be the root of finding economic prosperity and contributed to economic growth in the country as a whole." Who found this? By making this passive voice (no obvious person doing the action), we are left with more questions. Finally, you may want to provide a few details to your statements in this section. For instance, if Pentecostalism is fighting corruption, how is it doing so? What is an example of hard data that shows this?
These suggestions should hopefully help you see the way you need to write an encyclopedia article like this. Let me know if you have any questions. Abukun (talk) 18:11, 12 April 2019 (UTC)
Peer review
editSince no one in class reviewed your article, I guess I'll do it! Pentecostalism in Ethiopia is shaping up nicely. I'm glad that you identified Pentecostalism in Australia as a model; don't feel like you have to mimic its structure entirely, but you can at least mine it for ideas.
I think your article divisions all make sense for the most part. You might consider folding "Persecution" into the "History" section, since that episode seems to be part of the religion's history in Ethiopia. Similarly, I wonder if you need an entire section devoted to Oneness Pentecostalism. It might instead be a good idea to talk about various Pentecostal groups in a section, among them being Oneness. My comments about the bias in the "Empowering Africa" section stand from last week; I still think this section needs to be rewritten to adhere to the neutral point of view policy. My final suggestion is that once you've established the sections of the article you'll use, your lead section should give an overview to all of them. Currently, the lead is a bit slim and doesn't say anything about the history of subgroups of Pentecostals in the country.
I hope this helps. Keep working! Abukun (talk) 20:46, 18 April 2019 (UTC)