Leanneborn

Feedback on sandbox article

Hi! I'm the content expert for your class and your professor asked me to give you some feedback.

It looks like you've gotten started on gathering research in your sandbox and you have some good sourcing there. Just make sure that when you start putting everything together for the article, that you make sure to follow Wikipedia's WP:MoS for writing and also give the full name of the researcher(s) you're mentioning in the article the first time you mention them. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 06:17, 3 May 2017 (UTC)

• Hi! I'm here to give further feedback. Here are my observations:

1. Avoid writing in absolutes. For example, I'd rephrase the sentence "Many school behavior management efforts criminalize small infractions, and maintain a focus on retribution rather than restoration." to say "Some school behavior...". The reason for this is that when you use the phrase "many" it becomes sort of an absolute and you can't guarantee that this is the case, especially on a global scale. Using the term "some" instead of "many" gives the claim a little leeway. I do see that you cited a source for this, but you always need to be careful to check whether or not the source is discussing things in a specific area (ie, United States) or on a wider scale. Wikipedia articles should ideally discuss topics on a global scale unless the article or section specifically focuses on one area.
2. When discussing PBIS, be cautious about how you refer to things. CLR-PBIS's website deals more specifically with one area (from what I saw of their website it appears to be Wisconsin based), whereas the PBIS group (if discussing organizations) operates on the national scale. I didn't really see where you did this, but there was another person who got the two mixed up a little so I wanted to give you a head's up.
3. Be careful about writing styles. Your writing is predominantly good, but occasionally it felt like you were slipping into the tone of an academic paper. There's some difference between the two, most notably that you can draw your own conclusions with an encyclopedia article and insert a bit of your personal opinion into an academic paper. There's nothing there that you really need to overly worry about per se, just be careful about this in the future.

Other than that, the additions look good. I'm still very impressed with the amount of sourcing that you found with your research - good job! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 05:03, 10 May 2017 (UTC)