Mff2020
From the "Fallen Woman" page, suggested edits: Quote: "It was a temptation based on desire, not sexual desire, but envy and a desire to be like God" Problem: choppy sentence. This sentence, although its meaning is clear, could be shortened to make it easier to read and thereby enhance the flow of the passage. For example: Suggested edit:"It was a temptation based on the envy and desire to be like God".
Quote: "The term "fallen" was nevertheless most often conflated with sexual "knowledge" (i.e., experience), particularly for women at a time when the social value of their sexual integrity was insisted upon" Problem: use of passive voice, word choice Suggested edit: "The term "fallen" was most often associated with sexual experience, which was seen as socially unacceptable and undesirable at the time.
Quote: "Rescue work among prostitutes was also part of the missionary work done by the Woman's Christian Temperance Union (WCTU), who also petitioned against alcohol and opium" Problem: grammar- the WTCU is a "what" not a "who" Suggested edit: change the "who" after "(WTCU)," to "which
Potential Problem: The article is a little Eurocentric. Except for a reference to the Philippine-American War and Arabic dancers, all evidence centers around Europe. Suggestion: Add examples from literature and art from places other than Europe, or add a subsection "the Concept of the Fallen Woman Around the World". For example, one could use the poem by Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz "Hombres necios que acusais". This will broaden the scope of the article and show that the concept of a fallen woman, or more broadly, the idea that women should not be sexual, exists everywhere. Mff2020 (talk) 21:40, 25 September 2016 (UTC)
Welcome!
editHello, Mff2020, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 06:26, 26 September 2016 (UTC)
Peer reviews for edits on the Bennett Freeze article.
editHi mff2020!
Firstly, the article assigned in WikiEd actually appears to be merely 'Bennett Freeze' without the 'The' in the beginning. Not sure exactly how it affects your work on the WikiEd website, but when I clicked the hyperlink from the WikiEd, it took me to a page that said that the page 'Bennett Freeze' did not yet exist. Not sure if this was your intention, but assuming not because I saw on the 'The Bennett Freeze' page that you made some edits and left a few suggestions in the talk page.
I like your suggestion for changing the phrasing of sentences on the talk page. I see no mention of citations anywhere, so I'm unable to find your 15-30 citations -- please let me know where you've added them if you have. If you haven't, I'd propose you do so.
Additionally, I'd recommend leaving your suggestions on the talk page of the article rather than in your sandbox. The edits in your sandbox for Fallen Woman are incredibly thorough and diligent -- a lot of nice catches! If you haven't added any citations for Fallen Woman, this article is probably a good place to tackle some of the 30 sources to be added.
New Wikiproject!
editHello, Mff2020! I saw you recently edited a page related to the Green party and green politics. There is a new WikiProject that has been formed - WikiProject Green Politics and I thought this might be something you'd be interested in joining! So please head on over to the project page and take a look! Thanks for your time. Me-123567-Me (talk) 18:44, 22 January 2017 (UTC)