User talk:Mschm24/sandbox
Latest comment: 8 years ago by Ktfleuriet
Mschm24, these were my edits. Overall, these are really good paragraphs. They were very informative and neutral based. Here a few things you could change.
- Change 'due to the fact that' in the second paragraph to 'because'
- Change 'take' to 'takes' in the first paragraph
- Change 'hoever' to 'however' in the second paragraph
- Explain what an asexual spectrum is--I had no idea what that was, so it may be a little confusing to other people
- Make a title/header for your paragraphs
- Change your last sentence of your first paragraph. Put a period after 'is,' and then cite the person saying 'demisexuality is about attraction, not action.'
- Change the first sentence in the second paragraph to 'Demisexuals have a place on the asexual spectrum because of the type of attraction they have." Then describe what the asexual spectrum is.
- Link to another wiki page--maybe asexual spectrum page???